Careless boyfriend

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I have been with my boyfriend for five years. He is very stingy and rarely pays when we go out to eat. I find myself paying for everything (including his food and sometimes his clothes, shoes etc) and he constantly asks me to lend him money. I know that he does't have a lot of money but he isn't completely broke either. He can definitely afford to pay for his own food! He does owe me a lot of money and he doesn't even worry about paying it back even though he does have money to pay me back. But the thing that bothers me the most is that we never celebrate christmas, birthdays, valentine's day or anything! the first few years he would be try to get me little things here and there. He would get me cards, flowers, small gifts and he would be very kind and loyal. He was a great boyfriend at the time and I was very grateful so I would always buy him expensive gifts for his birthday like an iPod, shoes, coats, clothes, or anything i knew he wanted and for the past 4 years he just stopped giving me anything for my birthday, christmas, etc. he never gave me much to begin with, which i didn't mind about the price of the things he would give me but now he doesn't even acknowledge my birthday or any other holiday. I can't help to feel upset and at the same time I question whether I am being selfish but at the same time i feel like i have reason to be very upset. After giving him big presents, making his birthdays special by taking him to places and doing whatever he liked he would just ignore my birthday! he wouldn't even bother to get me a card he won't even spend the day with me or call me or say anything nice or sweet! I have asked him about why he acts that way and he says that he does not want to spend money and that valentines day and birthdays and the rest of the holidays are stupid and a waste of money! he knows that it is very important to me to at least celebrate something now and then but he doesn't even try to do anything special at all even if it doesn't cost a lot of money! I can't help to feel very frustrated and I feel like ending the relationship because of this. Am I being too dramatic? Is he right? should I consider ending the relationship?

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,003 • Replies: 11

@sunshiner,

Nope, you aren't being overly dramatic! Is it being too demanding or overly dramatic to expect being loved and having reasonably met needs? Nope, it isn't!

As they say down south, "That don't just won't hunt!"

Frankly, if it were me, I'd end it as smoothly and as directly as I'm able.

It's not his lack of money. His explanation is lame and you should know that. Understand that it's his lack of generosity of spirit. Your birthday..and special events should be acknowledged, regardless. It's not about money. He is in denial and his actions cause you to be neglected and amounts to serious emotionally abuse. He's stingy with his love and appreciation. He gets the trap door!

And don't allow yourself to become a rescuer again. There's never always an even balance in a loving relationship but eventually you find a better balancing point. you'll eventually find a new appreciative boyfriend..in time, but heal up from all this. Counseling might help. My experience is that it does help with some people for certain problems ..but not for everyone.

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@sunshiner,

He's a parasite. You should have turned him out to support himself almost five years ago.

I kind of agree on some of those holidays, but the point is, he isn't your son and you didn't take him to raise.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

Thank you for your response! It is helpful to hear someone else's opinion and point of view. I had not even contemplated many of the things you pointed out. I am glad that you took the time to give me your advice.

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@sunshiner,

I can tell you're worth that time. A lot of people who come here to A2K are (but with a few glaring exceptions). Your worthiness for in-depth answer is obvious at first reading...to me.

As you go through life, sometimes you'll get valuable lessons...and the trick is to know when to cut your losses by accepting them but limiting their damage.

Caring people like yourself are precious. realize that about yourself and you should always be treated that way.

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@roger,

Yes I also agree that many holidays are set up just to try to get money from us but I don't expect any expensive gifts or anything like that. I would be happy with a card! but he doesn't even want to take the time to get me a card or make something himself . And yes I should have not been with him for this long. Thanks for replying I really appreciate it

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@sunshiner,

I agree with everything roger and Ragman have said. You aren't being selfish. In fact you sound like a very generous and giving person, and he is taking advantage of that, and taking with both hands while giving nothing back.
My advice would be to get rid of him, and find some-one who isn't so stingy - both financially and emotionally.

1 Reply

@cherrie,

and...have him sign an I.O.U for the money he owes plus a penalty for pain and suffering.

I'm just kidding...but you get the message. He either raised with certain values that you have been or his values and spirit become somehow corrupted. Either way, he should be left on the curb.

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@Ragman,

sorry that should have read: "He either wasn't raised with certain values that you have been ..."

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@Ragman,

I don't think I'd be worrying about the money. I seriously doubt she's going to get it, and should just cut her losses and move on.
As for his values, I think they are non-existent, for whatever reason.

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@cherrie,

I thought I made it clear that I was joking.

My motto is that life teaches you lessons. Some lessons are more expensive than others. But if that mistake is never repeated, the lesson learned was invaluable.

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@Ragman,

I did realise you were joking about the money.
I was just trying to make the point that sometimes it's better to put things behind you and move on, and put it down to experience.

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Careless boyfriend

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