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Tue 7 Jan, 2014 12:15 pm
Hello people,
I'm turning myself to this forum because my situation seems absolutly hopeless and the more time passes the worse and painfull it gets for me.
I am looking for advice and understanding. i wanna hear how other people think about my situation and maybe that will give me the strength to end this heartbreaking affair...So let me explain this a little.
It comes down to me having met a girl at work,...yes at work.
I work in a hospital and she's a nurse on a pediatric servitium.
i absolutely dont wanto brag but for u to give decent advice u need to know it all. I'm a handsome young man 25 years old, according to girls reaction, very handsome. no girl has the guts to talk to me. But the thing is neither do i. I've had a very rough youth, abuse and all that s$$t....went from town to town and pulled myself out of criminality and stuff, i had to cut loose all the people i knew in order not to get in trouble. So i'm doing good now but i have NO social life. So this girl means alot to me. We have alot in common, same humor i mean it's all good.
The thing is, she's in a relationship for 8years and has a little 2 year old son, he's adorable! according to what she tells me their relationship is very bad.
They dont get along anymore. So we fell in love hardtime. In the beginning it was amazing. she fell for me like a rock. AND i should have known better. I'm always very shy and holding back to woman cuz when i'm selfassured and social many girl fall in love with my looks without knowing me, so holding back is kinda my wall to prevent me from being hurt. I'm not a player, i'm a serious guy looking for a serious woman. So i opened up and love happened. But it happened. I cant change it anymore but it wont happen again! i can tell u that. at the start she came to my door, she couldnt hold back herself from seeing, kissing, holding me. And me always confronting myself with the fact that its not good what i'm doing, she's in a relationship so i always had breaking up in the back of my mind. And i did tell her alot. So then i told her we can't see and text, call eachother that much anymore, we can still see eachother, besides we work on the same place. But the texting has to quit. 2 days passed and she was begging me to text her and so let her hear something from me because she was going insane. So i did...bad move.. A couple weeks ago she left her guy and spend a week with a friend in order to set her mind right and make a discission: leave permanently or stay. i told her because she did not speak to her friend about her being unhappy in her relationship that it's the right thing to do to give him 1 chance. He's human, u know. We all make mistakes. So eventually she did. So i told her: if u give him another chance i cannot interfear. Cuz if i'm still in your head you are not really giving him a chance. so again i backed down drasticly. then next thing she's comes telling me she went back home but she didnt gave him a chance and she told her friend the same. So basicly where back at the beginning. so she's back home now and what changed...we hardly see eachother and hardly hear eachother. Cuz i did ask her to hold down on the texting. 2 weeks ago she called me telling me that she cant leave her home cuz she has a loan from the house to pay of and within 5 years she cant cancel it or she'l have to pay 1/3 of the houses price in fine. So now i hardly see her unless she want to see me, i hardly hear her unless she wants to hear me, i cant text her with her guy at home you know. I know that she can leave her situation for the next 2 years and it feels like this all turned against me...now this is painfull, because it feels like she's just living her life like it was, still sleeping in the same bed as her guy still doing social stuff with him and i'm staying behind with all my feelings...i tried to cut myself loose from her. But i have nothing to keep my mind occupied. When i go to work i think about her all day and i see her, when i get home, alone, i think about her constaltly, i cant text her if i wanna hear her, it's to dangerous for her guy, and she very rarely texts me unless were both working. I have souvenirs at home she gave me that remind me of her..I'm very much in love with her still and she tell me she's in love with me to, but i cant feel it from her side u know. So now i'm feeling like a pathetic guy just waiting for her to text or call or pass by whenever she discides to. i stuff up my mind with the worse possible scenario's when i dont hear her...i feel like i'm breaking down...sad...very sad. I like her, i love her and i dont wanto hurt her and i wanna keep her as a friend because i like her as a person. nothing she does to me that hurts me she does on purpose, so i cant hurt her back.
I dont know how to take anymore, i'm stuck with these feelings and i can feel that i'm rolling into depression..i NEED to loose these feelings but i cant. She's everywhere in my life...
i hope some of u guys could look at this from a different perspective and maybe tell me how things are so i can realise someting in my mind that wil give me the strength to quit this horrible journey.
Iv'e been TO good. Iv'e put myself on the background for to long and this is what happened.
I wanna thank you for your time for reading this and hope that someone can give my some good advice or different look on her behavior. It feels like she putting me on hold. She' told me she never in her life met someone like me and maybe she wants to keep me hooked, i dont know anymore...
Thx!
@Silkentear,
Silkentear wrote:
..... 2 weeks ago she called me telling me that she cant leave her home cuz she has a loan from the house to pay of and within 5 years she cant cancel it or she'l have to pay 1/3 of the houses price in fine.....
You're being fed a line of bull. She should be able to sell her interest in her home and be free of the loan. Even in a bad economy, this should still be possible in less than 2 years.
She is not trying hard enough (if this even is a truthful statement of hers, and I think that it's not. Otherwise, she doesn't understand finances and is counting on you not to understand or question it, either) to be with you.
Think about what that tells you about all of this.
@jespah,
First off all thanks for replying. i really appreciate it! i know she has absolutly no idea about finances. and she told me she's going to make an appointment with her bank to better understand whats in the papers...but she still hasnt yet.
and thats almost 2 weeks ago.
@Silkentear,
In my opinion. If the two of them have a child together, you need to step out of the situation. I know that's hard, but bottom line is her and her child's father need to figure this out. You meddling around with her will just make it impossible for her and him to really work it out if they can which should be the first option. It doesn't matter what she tells you. Talk is not very meaningful. You have to judge by her actions. My advice is to move on and tell her you are doing so because you are not comfortable dating somebody that is in a relationship. If you met her say 6montsh to a year after they broke up and you guys hit it off, great. But not while they are still living together. And the idea of being friends because you like her as a person will be a problem and will be unfair to this other guy. In some cases I would say the other guy doesn't matter, but when his child is involved you can really screw somebody's life up before you even realize it. Let them figure it out and stand back. Just my opinion, hope it helps.
@In-lovebk0803,
Thank you for replying! and it does help, it really does. i know you are right. i just need to find the courage to cut her out of my life. Wich is why i'm here for.
@Silkentear,
Use her child as motivation. Good luck.
@In-lovebk0803,
Exactly, i lost that way of thinking. Thank you!!
@Silkentear,
I would suggest that you find work elsewhere.
@Silkentear,
No girl has the guts to talk to you because you're that handsome...my guess is you're a huge idiot with a jerk personality. I've met very beautiful men in my life....none of them sounded this idiotic..I on the other hand met a couple of pretty boys who were so stupid that no average girl could see past their idiocy.
@Germlat,
I thought this would upset some people, that is the reason i mentioned that i dont wanna brag.. And i'm not mad at you for replying this way, because i know thats not the kind of person i am. But it is your right to say what u THINK. Allthough i'd like to adress to you that this tells alot about yourself to judge about me like that, wrong guess love. I'm sorry u feel this way. And i feel bad for you. Besides, your making a huge deal out of something that isnt to be bothered about. Sound like your the one with a problem. Take care
@Silkentear,
I wonder why you stay in this doormat place with this unavailable woman.
Screw up some courage and start looking around at other women.
You are not trying hard enough to leave her.
Throw all the reminders away, change jobs if possible, block all her texts and calls - be serious about this.
(But I really doubt if you will. Somehow, you have decided you deserve this kind of no-win, angst ridden relationship. Counseling is in order for someone with such low self esteem)
@PUNKEY,
Thank you Punkey for responding.But I wonder why people are making conclusions about my personality. People can change u know. As long as they want to. And the fact i'm spitting out all this redicilous crap here shows all of you that i am willing to make changes. NONE of you know me. And to top it of, i did do what is needed. i told her it's over. deleted her number, asked her not to call or text me no more, trew away all the reminders. and i'm not gonna relapse. So i guess u were wrong. and the low self- esteem is due to my socials situation. i admitt it does sound pathetic but i did recognize it, because thats not who i am but who iv'e become by falling in love...your all trying to give advice and are responding to this so u should all know how this is possible,,,or maybe u think you know..
@Silkentear,
Congratulations!-
Check back with us in 2 weeks - and we'll ream you out again if you have relapsed into your bad behavior.
@PUNKEY,
Sounds like a deal Punkey!
thx all
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