my wifes work colleague messaging my wife

Right now, you don't really have anything concrete beyond a weird feeling, and information (from where, exactly?) that this guy's cheated in the past. I am sure your wife, a grown woman, can tell this guy to go scratch if he tries anything.

So let her do that, and show that you trust her.

Depends on what "rubbish" is . . ..

Hi, thanks for the reply,
about 2 years ago my wife told me that he had cheated on his wife and had now stopped seeing her, and he knows my wife knows about this as he confided in another female colleague. the other day I asked her if he had messaged her that day she looked me straight in the eye and said no, I asked her for tomes and still said no, finally I said before you answer this question again, give me your phone and I will prove that he did. she then said he had messaged her but did not reply, I asked why she had lied and she said that she just did not want the grief,

The problem I have is with him not my wife, I truly fully trust her, but I cant help but feel he is being a snake in the grass, maybe I am paranoid and insecure at the moment but at the moment I cant seem to help feeling and thinking how I do.

As much as we should trust our significant others, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let them know that something makes us uncomfortable. If you guys have a healthy relationship you have nothing to worry about and should feel comfortable discussing with her. As long as she's not instigating the communication with somebody that you prefer she didn't Communicate with you have nothing to worry about. If he crosses a line shell let him and you know. That's all you can really ask.

Thanks for the advise, and I suppose what your saying is realy what I know, but it is good to hear it from someone impartial and just confirms how I think, like I say maybe there is a bit of insecurity with me at the moment, thanks again for the replies. : )

what possessed you to ask?

you have all the right to feel that way...after all the guy is not talking to you, but you really have to advise your wife to keep her distance.

I thought the same about my Wife we were unbreakable! Our friends use to say! You two make us sick because we got on so well. Anyway my Wife became friends with the Fathers of one of my youngest Sons friends he also told her that he had cheated on his Wife. The next thing he will say is that his Wife is not interested in Sex! I think this guy is a player and is looking for a way out of his unhappy relationship but is to chicken to leave without a replacement. Be careful as my Wife lied and broke my heart. I tried very hard to deal with it and stayed another 10 years until my kids all left school and then separated we are still friends but I don't Love her. I have also become a loner and don't let anybody in. I thought she was my sole mate! Good Luck

Why not just tell your wife that 'a self confessed cheater who you can't bring yourself to trust, coming into your home, and massaging her is making you uncomfortable?

This is a perfectly understandable feeling.

Her response to that will tell you her level of empathy and respect for you & your feelings.

Note : it is my personal opinion that you don't have any right to tell her who to be friends with, but you certainly do have a right to be protective, and to ask that cheaters of the opposite sex not touch your wife, even in 'friendship'.

On the good side - she is openly telling you all this, so apart from avoiding grief, she doesn't feel she has anything to hide (otherwise she feels you can't tell the difference between a plant and an animal).

I think also, that it would be interesting why she thinks that she would be 'avoiding grief'...to me this means she knows it would make you uncomfortable / jealous...now all you have to do is decide whether or not your discomfort / jealousy is reasonable in the circumstances...if it is...then you need to talk with her about this conflict.