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my wifes work colleague messaging my wife

 
 
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2014 02:53 pm
My wife of 20 years who i love dearly and i certainly know would never cheat on me, as been receiving messages from a someone she works with while at our home, sometimes in the afternoon when the guy as just woke up because he as been on nights, my wife sometimes works opposite shifts from him,i have asked my wife about it and she says he is just talking rubbish when messaging her and he is a nice guy and she gets on with him, i know that he as cheated on his wife in the past, and it is not my wife i am bothered about as i know she would never stray, but it his eventual intention and what he is doing that bothers me, am i being too posessive or irrational, i have met the guy the odd time but he does not realy speak to me, any thoughts would be appreciated.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2014 05:01 pm
@green123456,
Right now, you don't really have anything concrete beyond a weird feeling, and information (from where, exactly?) that this guy's cheated in the past. I am sure your wife, a grown woman, can tell this guy to go scratch if he tries anything.

So let her do that, and show that you trust her.
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2014 10:33 pm
@green123456,
Depends on what "rubbish" is . . ..
0 Replies
 
green123456
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jan, 2014 06:39 am
@jespah,
Hi, thanks for the reply,
about 2 years ago my wife told me that he had cheated on his wife and had now stopped seeing her, and he knows my wife knows about this as he confided in another female colleague. the other day I asked her if he had messaged her that day she looked me straight in the eye and said no, I asked her for tomes and still said no, finally I said before you answer this question again, give me your phone and I will prove that he did. she then said he had messaged her but did not reply, I asked why she had lied and she said that she just did not want the grief,
green123456
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jan, 2014 06:43 am
The problem I have is with him not my wife, I truly fully trust her, but I cant help but feel he is being a snake in the grass, maybe I am paranoid and insecure at the moment but at the moment I cant seem to help feeling and thinking how I do.
0 Replies
 
In-lovebk0803
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jan, 2014 10:47 pm
@green123456,
As much as we should trust our significant others, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let them know that something makes us uncomfortable. If you guys have a healthy relationship you have nothing to worry about and should feel comfortable discussing with her. As long as she's not instigating the communication with somebody that you prefer she didn't Communicate with you have nothing to worry about. If he crosses a line shell let him and you know. That's all you can really ask.
green123456
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Jan, 2014 04:30 pm
@In-lovebk0803,
Thanks for the advise, and I suppose what your saying is realy what I know, but it is good to hear it from someone impartial and just confirms how I think, like I say maybe there is a bit of insecurity with me at the moment, thanks again for the replies. : )
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 7 Jan, 2014 04:53 pm
@green123456,
green123456 wrote:
the other day I asked her if he had messaged her that day


what possessed you to ask?
0 Replies
 
krystalwise
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Jan, 2014 02:01 am
@green123456,
you have all the right to feel that way...after all the guy is not talking to you, but you really have to advise your wife to keep her distance.
0 Replies
 
JAust
 
  1  
Reply Tue 25 Mar, 2014 08:10 pm
@green123456,
I thought the same about my Wife we were unbreakable! Our friends use to say! You two make us sick because we got on so well. Anyway my Wife became friends with the Fathers of one of my youngest Sons friends he also told her that he had cheated on his Wife. The next thing he will say is that his Wife is not interested in Sex! I think this guy is a player and is looking for a way out of his unhappy relationship but is to chicken to leave without a replacement. Be careful as my Wife lied and broke my heart. I tried very hard to deal with it and stayed another 10 years until my kids all left school and then separated we are still friends but I don't Love her. I have also become a loner and don't let anybody in. I thought she was my sole mate! Good Luck
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Wed 26 Mar, 2014 02:30 am
@green123456,
Why not just tell your wife that 'a self confessed cheater who you can't bring yourself to trust, coming into your home, and massaging her is making you uncomfortable?

This is a perfectly understandable feeling.

Her response to that will tell you her level of empathy and respect for you & your feelings.

Note : it is my personal opinion that you don't have any right to tell her who to be friends with, but you certainly do have a right to be protective, and to ask that cheaters of the opposite sex not touch your wife, even in 'friendship'.

On the good side - she is openly telling you all this, so apart from avoiding grief, she doesn't feel she has anything to hide (otherwise she feels you can't tell the difference between a plant and an animal).

I think also, that it would be interesting why she thinks that she would be 'avoiding grief'...to me this means she knows it would make you uncomfortable / jealous...now all you have to do is decide whether or not your discomfort / jealousy is reasonable in the circumstances...if it is...then you need to talk with her about this conflict.




0 Replies
 
 

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