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Wife's friends at work proposed a threesome - I have severe anger at them

 
 
Reply Tue 31 Dec, 2013 05:53 pm
Hi everybody. About 4 months ago, my wife's female friend (also married) proposed on behalf of a male who lusts after my wife that she join them for a threesome. What makes it worse is her friend is already in an affair with the guy. I am furious even though my wife declined their offer. It makes me wonder what my wife has shared with both these people since my wife used to have lunch with the woman a lot.

The problem now is that I imagine what the guy wanted to do with my wife. It makes me mad on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. He knows she is married. The woman also has angered me since I know her from social settings. My jealous anger is driving my wife insane. Any helpful advice so I can move ahead?
 
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Tue 31 Dec, 2013 06:40 pm
@Riley1969,
Riley1969 wrote:

Any helpful advice so I can move ahead?


1. Take a chill pill, and try not to imagine that guy boning your wife senseless, with her shouting "Oh! It's so big - much bigger than Rile1969's!"

2. Check out the divorce lawyers in your location.



boomerang
 
  12  
Reply Tue 31 Dec, 2013 07:05 pm
@Riley1969,
Your wife declined the offer and told you about it.

It sounds to me like you have a pretty strong marriage.

Don't ruin it with your misplaced jealousy.
roger
 
  4  
Reply Tue 31 Dec, 2013 08:09 pm
@boomerang,
1 +
0 Replies
 
Ceili
 
  7  
Reply Tue 31 Dec, 2013 08:46 pm
@Riley1969,
Don't blame your wife for another person/s lust. Just because they showed no discretion in their request is no way implicates your wife.
I was once propositioned by people I worked with. They were members of a swing club. They approached my very, very drunk husband first. He was all for it.
Their wives had not been informed...
Then they talked to me. I was flattered and shocked.
I let it slide till everyone was sober.
Then I pulled the guilty parties and their wives together and I gave them a very quiet talk on secrets and honesty.
I told them that although they had enthusiasm it was a huge breach of trust to ask us, before they asked their significant others. I also told them they should have done a wee bit better research.
Regardless, I had never been propositioned like that before and I didn't expect it.
You can't be faulted for another's tastes. I never gave any hint that I'd be into a threesome never mind a hexagon. Don't over think it.
Riley1969
 
  3  
Reply Tue 31 Dec, 2013 09:03 pm
@contrex,
Ha! Thanks. I already have (2) but realized that was way jumping the gun. Thanks for your reply, it made me laugh and want to be more chill about my situation. My wife and are really do love each other, I need to stop punishing her for a proposal she didn't invite or accept.
0 Replies
 
Riley1969
 
  2  
Reply Tue 31 Dec, 2013 09:05 pm
@boomerang,
Very strong reply (and I needed that). We do have a strong marriage. For some reason this issue has really been tough for me. My wife so I need to make her feel amazing not stressed out.Thanks
0 Replies
 
Riley1969
 
  2  
Reply Tue 31 Dec, 2013 09:13 pm
@Ceili,
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I think you handled your situation in an amazing way.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jan, 2014 05:37 pm
@boomerang,
I agree with Boomerang - though I understand anger about/at the work people. Or laughter.

Who knows about the lunches. I've had work lunches with people I'm way different from on a lot of things, almost always pleasant, admittedly not that often because in my two careers (medical and architecture fields) I tended to eat at the desk or go wandering for a break in town by myself or for a run or for an errand) - but I'm a listener, not usually asking people their personal business, at least unless they start telling me stuff. Not that I don't talk a blue streak, but am generally not nosy.
edit - I have a long time friend who leads with questions - I think she got it from her mother - and managed to like her and vice versa all these years. She was also pumped by an interest in psychology.

But - your wife's conversations with others are private to them. I don't think it's useful imagining the worst since she has been straightforward with you.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jan, 2014 05:39 pm
@Riley1969,
They asked; she declined.

Chill out.

(I really wonder why she even told you about this "not need to know" proposal.) Perhaps to fire you up?)
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jan, 2014 05:40 pm
@Ceili,
That's a signature line or at least quotable quote right there, Ceili.

I never gave any hint that I'd be into a threesome never mind a hexagon.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jan, 2014 05:43 pm
@PUNKEY,
You do? I can easily imagine telling my husband about it.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jan, 2014 06:03 pm
@ossobuco,
I would have, too. But then again, he/we would have laughed about it.

This guy isn't.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jan, 2014 06:16 pm
@PUNKEY,
I see your point at not telling Riley, re the 'severe' anger, if he'd shown jealousy before - but maybe he hadn't, which is even why he is posting re his feelings.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 4 Jan, 2014 05:51 am
What can look like sexual shenanigans could be something else.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 4 Jan, 2014 10:38 am
@Riley1969,
Riley, I've been in a relationship for 22 years. Neither of us are the jealous kind. Having said that..I can't imagine telling my husband of numerous incidents over the years where people have flirted with me simply to avoid any discomfort which could come from my comments. I have nothing to hide but I would never flaunt something that could possibly cause discomfort and neither would he. Not saying she is doing it for this reason...maybe she simply thought it was a ridiculous prospect. You need to ask yourself what your and her reactions are typically. Maybe it was a thoughtless thing to say and it has carried more weight than intended...or maybe she is trying to tell you others are attracted to her. Either way you know much more about your own relationship (hopefully!)
0 Replies
 
Riley1969
 
  2  
Reply Thu 23 Jan, 2014 09:30 am
The comments here have really helped me understand this situation. I think she was/is trying to tell me people are attracted to her. I am not sure she needs to though. I have been working on letting this go and only now and then I slip and make a sarcastic comment. Btw I do NOT recommend doing that, it's hurtful and unnecessary. I don 't know if my wife realizes these people were stupid or not. I think she does. They are both married doing stuff like this behind their spouses backs. Bottom line, whether in make believe, her story or stone cold truth reality, she declined their proposal. I am thankful that is the message she gave to me. I trust her.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jan, 2014 01:32 pm
@Riley1969,
Your wife shared something with you and you reacted to it.

I hope you can drop the snide remarks and appreciate that she felt close enough to you to talk to you about this.

Always be approachable so that you and your wife can talk about things - even if they are loaded with shock and emotion. That makes for a good marriage.

Assure her of your love and trust.
Riley1969
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Feb, 2014 11:38 pm
@PUNKEY,
Husbands should always show love and trust toward their wives. In this case I think I have but let my imagination go crazy. That should have never happened. It's in the past now but I still have a bit of anger that my wife didn't tell them she is scared to death of being naked with anyone etc. She played it up a bit as if it were just because she was so moral and that's why she didn't do it. She talked about it with me for God knows why but I am trying to just assure her she is very attractive and I love her. Those people at her work could never love her the way I do and she's known that from day one. Thanks again though for the reminder to be loving and supportive. It's a daily thing, I hope I can be that for my lovely wife.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 2 Feb, 2014 08:51 am
@Riley1969,
Riley1969 wrote:
I still have a bit of anger that my wife didn't tell them she is scared to death of being naked with anyone etc.


I'm curious why you would want her to give them such personal knowledge about herself - particularly something that they could use as a lever for further discussion.

It sounds like she handled the matter very well.

I hope you are eventually able to get past your reactivity.
0 Replies
 
 

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