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Wed 11 Dec, 2013 10:17 am
Two older ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.
As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause.
The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"Why, I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement."
@Daisy Ryder,
What do you call it when worms take over the world? ... Global Worming.
@Daisy Ryder,
I get this poem every winter & every winter I love re-reading it.
It's a beautiful poem and very well written.
I thought it might be a comfort to you and could help warm things up;
it was to me!
“Winter”
A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre
****!
It's cold!
The End.
@Daisy Ryder,
Daisy Ryder wrote:
What do you call it when worms take over the world? ... Global Worming.
That needs to be placed in the really bad jokes thread.
@tsarstepan,
Ha! It is pretty bad... Add this one to the list.
"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it.
And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."
- George Bush, U.S. President, 1990
@Daisy Ryder,
A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she's getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?'' Her neighbor replies, "Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.'' Well, what the heck? She does it. The next day her neighbor asks how it worked. "So-so,'' she answers, "The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.''
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and **** on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This is very funny!!! HAHAHAHA!!
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