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Mon 9 Dec, 2013 05:44 am
Hey there, I have no one to talk to about this, so thanks for reading this!
I've been together with my bf for over three years now. We're both 19, so pretty young for such a long relationship. In september I moved to another city that is 1000 km from my hometown, because of a semester abroad; so he won't be seeing me for about 4 months. Before I got here I recognised that my feelings for him weren't the same as some time ago. I didn't feel too sad about leaving him, I didn't cry for goodbye or smth.
After a few weeks in the new city I still didn't miss him and I was enjoying the new experiences and friendships here. I came to the conclusion that I should tell him how I felt about our relationship and maybe to reach a pause until I come back so we can discuss it. But when I told him, he started to cry and beg me, he didn't want to lose me. What else could I have done than lie and try to repair this broken relationship?!
However, I was going on with the lies, that I loved him and missed him.
Until some days ago, I was at a little party of my friends, we got drunk and than it happened: I kissed another guy. I never did this before, I always knew when I had to stop flirting and stuff. But this time it was like an outbreak of all my feelings I was holding back for such a long time. I didn't sleep with him, but the kissing and touching was already enough, because it felt good to do it with a new guy. The weird thing now is, I regret that I did it, but I don't regret in the right way. I feel bad about what I became, but I don't feel guilty towards my bf.
I know I have to tell him and I know I will break his heart.
But I have to do it, so know I'm wondering if I should wait the two weeks until I come home for christmas or tell him right now via Skype? He still doesn't suspect anything.
@siska123,
I'm not so sure it matters that much. if you tell him now, it's not in person. If you tell him at Christmas, then it's wrapped up in the holiday for him.
But you should tell him (at this point, I'd probably flip a coin). Be prepared for a fight, but also be prepared for it to end. And, truthfully, I think it
should end. You don't seem engaged with him anymore. You are entitled to not go out with him anymore. You're even entitled to - gasp! - not date anyone for a while.
If you felt you needed to lie to him and he essentially engaged in what looks a bit like emotional blackmail from here, well, you might want to consider what it'd be like without him. I think it would be better for both of you, truth be told.
@siska123,
I sure wish you felt better about leaving him rather than because you got drunk and kissed another guy.
How about that you two are much too young to make such a commitment and that you want to explore the world on your own?
Please don't let his crying and carrying on keep you tied to him. It is demeaning to stay with him because you feel sorry for him. He cannot keep you tied to him because of that.
Good luck, I know this is difficult but you know it has to be done. (and watch the drinking)
Good answers you two and I would add... be careful ...your soon to be ex sounds like he could lose his emotional equilibrium.
@siska123,
The fact you cheated should had been indication that it, the relationship will not be a pleasing one.
Must had been something he lacked. The moment you decided you were going to cheat your relationship had problems.
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