approaching girl in group, ask her out

Didn't even have to deal with a group.

Bumped into her randomly outside a building. I asked for a moment... she continued to walk on saying she had to get to class. I asked when it was over, she said the time. I was there at the time and where I saw her. She didn't show.

She's obviously not who I thought she was. Very kind one day, out of nowhere doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't get it. I'm inclined to send a message to get a last word in. Very very lame.

let it be.

lessons learned are invaluable.

and you got some practice in...

Hi sportomatic1,

If your friend were posting here I would probably tell her to quit being flaky and decide whether she's interested in you or not, and then act accordingly.

BUT, since she's not here (I think?), and you're the one we're advising, I'll say that it's often not clear-cut when it comes to these things -- it's not necessarily that she DOES NOT like you (and is inappropriately leading you to think otherwise) or that she DOES like you (and is inappropriately behaving as if she didn't), but may well be that she's in an in-between state.

This is something I remember from my own early dating years, and as my daughter and her friends enter their teens it's something I'm seeing again firsthand. One of my daughter's friends really, really likes this guy -- butterflies, etc. -- but just isn't sure if she actually wants to go out with him. I'm sure he's incredibly confused about what her motivations are when in fact she doesn't have any motivations per se. She's just confused.

That's allowed, and if you are not in the mood to deal with confused people, that's your prerogative of course. But also, she might be acting out of mere confusion (and/ or nerves) rather than anything more nefarious.

Pick an uglier one next time mate. They respond to attention more readily.

Funny... She's not 'hot'... She's a cute shy-ish nerdy girl who does herself up nicely. Redhead->bad skin.

If she were posting here, maybe that's the problem.

Maybe you're right. She doesn't know me. She never opened her eyes to me. I have my issues, but they don't define me. Maybe I'll send a message. But I put myself out there and it's her loss.

And if they don't, who cares?

Shoulda called her Susan when you had the chance.

Naw, seriously, you done good. You approached her, you tried, you didn't hem and haw.

YAY!!!

Good on ya.

So many people never do that, and they regret it.

True story; I went to my 30th High School reunion in 2009. A guy came up to me, told me he'd liked me then. I hadn't had a clue. And when we said goodbye, I said to him that I wished he had told me, and that I had known.

And I did and I do, even though we are both happily married to other people. This is not me wanting him, 30+ years later. It's more that I wish that he could have had the courage and that we could have bolstered each other, as we were both pretty lonely teenagers, way back when. I think we could have been a comfort to each other, back in the day.

And that is what I wish for you, that you can, when you need to, talk to people, and put yourself out there, and take that risk, and know for sure.

It beats the hell outta dropping that kind of bomb on someone 30 years later.

Here's to you, Doug.

Thank you jespah.

I'm satisfied it didn't come down to me 'accidentally bumping into her on purpose.' Totally just random, rounding a corner and boom. I felt way more at ease just asking her for a moment because I didn't expect it, it just happened. Unfortunately I played it up in my head cause I liked her but failed to act on it. I let it brew for a year. It's a load off knowing that it happened and I put myself out there.

Maybe the next one will be Susan. Perhaps things are just meant to be.