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Hello, three years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I thought I was going to die. I was married with three children living just for sake of the children. Being selfish and thinking I have not got long to live I left and met someone else. (who's previous partner died of cancer). My cancer became stable and After a year or so We moved in together and I moved away from my home town. My new partner and I have a lot of problems, we have a very stressful relationship, we are both at fault for one reason or another. We are on the verge of parting. The cancer has always been there in the back ground but recently has returned and I have to undergo more treatment. It has shortened my life I know but I don't know by how much. My partner and I are having a lot of problems, my partner won't move from her her home town to my home town or even meet in the middle. I feel lonely, isolated and frustrated not being around family and friends. They all live a long way from me so it's not possible to just pop and see everyone. My ex wife has ask me if I would like to go back and live with her and the kids like we did before for the sake of the kids ? I'm thinking of myself I know and I'm feel very selfish. I want to go and be around my family and friends again. I don't know how long I have left. I feel stuck in the middle of my partner and my ex wife kids and friends. I know I'm selfish and I don't know what do, go home or stay her ?

URL: http://able2know.org/post/ask/

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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 534 • Replies: 3

[+4] - jespah - 11/22/2013Well, you made most of these problems, yanno. I say your ex is a saint for giving you the opportunity to move back. [i]And I think if you've got any kindness in you, you won't do it[/i]....

@Davidq,

Well, you made most of these problems, yanno.

I say your ex is a saint for giving you the opportunity to move back.

And I think if you've got any kindness in you, you won't do it. Because she's going to be left taking care of a terminal patient who selfishly left her for someone else.

Man up and get professional care (yes, a visiting nurse, etc.) and let your ex and your kids have contact with you, yes, but don't push them into the caregiver role. Because that's where they are going to be. Don't let your loneliness get in the way of doing the right thing by them, and relieving them of this.

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There are too many unknowns about your illness to determine a course of action based on your health.

Clearly, you and your partner are just about to separate and she doesn't seem to want to be a caregiver, so deal with that first.

Your wife is a saint. But what do you bring to the table? I wonder why she is being so generous.

Get an apartment near your children and people you know. Don't use your health issues as a reason to use other people - or them to use you.

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@PUNKEY,

There are too many unknowns I agree. Although my partner and I are about to separate I think she does care and would care for me to a certain degree. My wife is very generous and a saint as you say. I know if I go back she would be a lot better off financially, she has admitted that. I know she wants to use me for that. She wants me to come home and so do my kids and family. I don't want to use my illness as a tool. I feel a lot of guilt and I know I've been very selfish. I don't want them to see what might happen to me and it would certainly be unfair for them to care for me when I come to fall ill. I know I've done the wrong thing by leaving as the first reply says :-(
She would use me as much as I would use her. That sounds very wrong I know. Move close to them like you say would be the next best thing I agree, thank you :-(

URL: http://able2know.org/reply/post-5501738

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