That's the only way to handle trauma, if we're able. Bite sized pieces. One step at a time.
The flowers are lovely, ehbeth. Thank you.
littlek, I've been trying to reach his oncologist for that very reason. To see if the prognosis' of his two doctors match up. My brother is very determined and it sounds like his oncologist is quite encouraging. That's the man I want to talk to.
I have a friend who's dad is remarried and living in florida. He's (the dad is) in the hospital with divertulitis and my friend is frustrated with poor response from the staff at the hospital. He has the name of one or two staff members who he feels good about talking to.
That's too bad. Especially when that's all you've got to go on. I had a very good long distance rapport with my fathers' doctor in particular, when he became ill. The last thing you need is a rude or unhelpful hospital staff. The circumstances are outrageous enough without a funky attitude thrown in.
Speaking with brother's internist the other day, she was happy, it seemed, that someone had finally called about him, that family was finally aware of the situation but at the same time, without his OK, she was reluctant to share any info with me at all. It's understandable of course, doctor/patient confidence is very important.
Ask your brother to sign a release?
Eoe, I think you could go once, and if so, early. Just to be there and be square. Early, not to slough off stuff, but perhaps to actually talk. Me, I can see real talk on phone or line instead of the terrible opposite, the semiconscious person to whom your pearls don't weigh in.
Really, what I would say now, after some experience, is listen, he wants to talk if he can, and he wants to be loved.
He and I have always been close. This is my schmoozing brother. As a kid, I was very influenced by him and we can talk for hours and hours about all of the entertainment news, movies, actors, musicians, current events, fashion, gossip. Talk about a clotheshound! GQ subscriber since the early 70's. An elegant man, a throwback to when straight men could be elegant. You don't run into too many of them nowadays.
Today he should get the Mrs. Field's cookies and brownies I sent. He's got a sweet tooth so, he'll get a good work out on those.
Made reservations last night. Going to Chicago next week.
How are you feeling about it?
Ready?
About as ready as I'll ever be.
Good luck, eoe. When all is said and done, you'll be happier knowing exactly how things stand.
By the by, devil your brother to put you on the "authorized" list for information from his doctors and his hospital. Last week I added my son and daughter-in-law to my records because Mr. Noddy gets a little confused.
With your large family, you could drift out of the loop simply because you're out-of-town and no one thought to pass along vital information.
Hold your dominion.
Wow, I'm glad for you eoe... hard as it'll be.
... take him some more cookies ... and have some with him.
More than that, I'm going grocery shopping while I'm there and make him some stewed chicken and rice and gravy, maybe spaghetti and meat sauce, pork chops and spinach, all just like his mother used to make.
now that's comfort food.
for the cooker and the cooked-for.
(just remember that his body chemistry may be funked up - so some things may taste odd to him. i remember when my uncle was in chemo that the chocolate pudding he liked one day didn't taste right the next - body chemistry, hormones
)
Thanks for the tip, ehbeth. I've been asking and he says that he can eat anything so, we'll see where he's at once I'm there.
Just get him anything he thinks would taste good. Doesn't matter if it's peppermint ice cream or bratwurst. Just indulge him. And if that doesn't taste right, go get him something else. (I DO LIKE the idea of Mom's homecooked favorites, though. Nice touch.)
I can relate to the keep on getting him something else. hamburger probably bought a tin of every type of sardine available in Canada at the time. My uncle always loved tinned sardines, and they were one of the things he craved - but the right kind wasn't the right kind from day to day. so hamburger just went out and got some other ones.
