I need help to get a gf

Eva, I've got news for you; 14 year olds are having sex.

That's old news, c.i. It's also proof that the body matures before the mind.

I get a little tired of listening to us debating about kids' problems and dispensing mature advice to people who aren't old enough to comprehend what we're talking about. That's all. When I first read the screen name "crazybiker," I thought it meant a Harley, not a Schwinn Stingray.

Oh, try 13!! I don't get it, but for some reason teens trust me. I can't even believe some of the problems they have told me about. I have had quite a few 13 year old girls discussing a potential pregnancy problem with me. To me, this is heart attack material. I tried making appointments for two 13 year old sexually active girls that used no birth control at all at the clinic. I offered them transportation also. The fact is, they are not going to stop and need to protect themselves.

Here is the real kicker! I was not allowed to make appointments for them. These two girls were too shy or stupid to make the call themselves. I handed them my phone and the number, after I was refused to make the appointment for them. I cleared the place, so I could talk to these two 13 year old girls privately. They aren't afraid to have sex, but were too intimidated to make a simple appointment that I offered to take them to, be there with them, and give them a ride home.

I know that neither of these girls were going to stop sexual activity. I gave them a full run down on all the risks associated. I'm an RN, so you get good at this one without lecturing (teens hate that one), with practice. My hands were tied. I tried to help them, but they are more afraid to get birth control, even to make a call on their own behalf for an appointment than they were of serious risks they were taking with their life and health. We all know making an appointment only requires name and setting an appointment only. I told these two girls this is all they want. They see it every day. No one is making any judgement call. They couldn't bring themselves to even make the appointment!!

You are so correct. The body does mature much faster than the mind ever will. I tried every reasonable effort for these two 13 year old girls to protect themselves. I believe these kids today do need help. I will give them that, but wont give them anything but act responsibly for their own behavior. They do seek someone that will not explode on them like their own parents would for advice. I often feel like this is a game of tag and I am constantly IT!

I have a problem. there is this guy, i like him and he likes me. im positive of this. but we are friends. i dont know how to tell him that i want to be more than friends because it seems so hard. this flirtation dejavu has been going on for like longer than a year now. but now that we are getting older and summer is here i think i should tell him how i feel.
Him and i goto parties every weekend and hang out, even hold hands all the time. he is very shy so i think it would be best for me to make the first move of course.... but i honnestly dont know if i should risk losing our friendship. Does anyone at all have suggestions for me??

Is there any reason that you can think of as to why this has not progressed romantically? For example, did you have a conversation about friends becoming lovers etc.?

NO, we have never discussed anything like that before. But him and I both have been in past relationships with people who we were friends with before that. and he's aware of it. Although today we did have a convo about how it being wrong for a girl to ask out a guy... i think it's wrong but he disagrees. So now that he knows how I feel about "making the first move" maybe things will change. My friends still do encourage that I tell him how I feel immediately.... But I don't know.

That's it! The heighth. I am also over or under 6 feet tall and I don't have a gf either. Well, I do, but she doesn't know about it.

honestly_trying ~ I've responded to your PM.

I think that a lot of people who are in their early teens are smart but don't have the benefit of wide observation, and so, don't have a whole lot of perspective on problems.

I know just about anything I say as a older person can be taken as out somewhere in space.

Still, I think talk between generations is useful. One of the pleasures of A2K is catching on that someone twice your age understands you, and then getting that someone three times your age does. Usually it doesn't go the other way, there is a general lack of leaping to understand being older than one is by more than, let me hypothesize, fifteen or seventeen years.

Until, of course, you are older, then your sense of understanding expands past the 17 years.

What I have to say about this is Honesty. You have laid the hints. I would strongly suggest begin subtle. You already tried that. This guy isn't responding. I would continue with friendship only, with this guy. Believe me, there are tons more to choose from.

You are doing the right thing and the right way. You are getting to know a guy, with friendship first. I don't go for any serious discussion about how you two wish your relationship to go. Young guys can't answer questions like this and feel backed into a corner. You will be rejected quickly trying this one.

You already laid out the subtle hints. Yes, even a young guy gets this. They make a decision, even really stupid ones, like my 17 year old son does. This guy isn't ready for anything. He does like you. He needs time. You need someone who will give you the type of relationship you want. This guy isn't the one. Move on.

I'm ready to smack my 17 year old son upside the head over a girl. She is really cool and has a great disposition. My son uses warped guy logic. He uses her sexual past against her. So do the rest of the guys. He claims she is high maintenance. I asked him if she is having sex with anyone in recent past. He says no. I ask him why he is allowed sexuality, with no judgment call, and she isn't. He can't answer that, because male ego remains intact, despite equality attempt. I ask what he means by 'high maintenance'. He says she is emotionally needy, please rephrase, but that is the message. I say so what. He says he isn't ready for this. He does like her a lot. He is also hung up on another girl, which he claims he isn't.

My son can't give this girl the relationship she obviously wants. I know he is hung up on another girl, despite what he has to say. He can't give her a relationship that she wants and subtle hints were laid, which he does get and so does every guy. They have a good friendship. He really does like her a lot. He isn't giving her a chance because he is another dumb guy. They are all like that and have issues they don't talk about. Don't expect them to tell you. They don't.

All young guys have the exact same logic as my son and his friends. They are self absorbed. They really do want a girlfriend, but are afraid of being hurt. They don't trust. Guys also have a nasty habit of getting hung up on one girl, which they will deny every time.

I talked with my son about this girl that likes him. If she laid out anything beyond subtle hints, which he clearly understands, but doesn't respond to, he would oust her out of his life in a second. So would the rest of his friends, under the same circumstances. You already tried that. This guy didn't respond.

Leave it alone and be friends only. Don't wait around for him to change his mind. Don't be too shocked when you find someone who wishes for a relationship, which is what you want and he is giving, for him to have some jealousy flip out. He will. Sorry, but he had his chance and blew it, just as my stupid son is doing with a really fantastic girl.

The funny thing about that is...it seems really true. Fortunately for me my guy told me he was really into me last night and I told him the same. Today he has been really flirty and at lunch we went out for ice cream and played some games...after lunch me and a few other girlfriends gave him birthday cards. I am saving the gift for tomorrow, which is his actual birthday. Even in class he was rubbing my leg? lol i don't know why the teacher was right there...i think he did it so him n i could have a laugh.
Anyways, his best friend Jordan (who reallllllly likes me) told me today that he was planning on asking me to be his girlfriend tomorrow night at his party we're throwing him probably at my place. I'm pretty sure Jordan was serious about it because Jordan practically worships the land I walk on. Which is both sad n awful in both ways.

Well Thnx for all the replys and stuff... and here's a poem that i wrote

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Too hard too let go"

You don't know what its like
for me to have to let go
you are my only love
but I'm getting tired of waiting on you
I don't think you feel the same way I do
even though you say you'll stay true
I just wish it didn't have to be like this
because I don't want to lose you
this is just something that I gotta do
I'm sorry if your hurt
and I'm sorry if your mad
just know your the only love
I ever had
Maybe if things were different
and you weren't best friends with my brother
we could really be together
it wouldn't have to be a secret
and we wouldn't have to lie
but my dreams never gonna come true
and thats just to be with you
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And here's another poem that i wrote

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Girl In My Dreams

Girl in my dreams who are you?

Girl in my dreams where can I find you?

I see you every time I close my eyes.

Will you ever be mine?

Girl in my dreams can I hold your hand and take us to a far away land?

But I wake up and you're not there.

I smile at you and you smile at me, will we ever be?

I dream to kiss your soft lips but then I sigh and frown because it was just a dream.

When will my dreams become a reality?

I pray to god everyday take my love and mend our hearts as one.

Take my heart and we can fly

That is fantastic Honesty! I think you played it right by laying the hints, which all guys understand, and giving him the time and space to make up his mind. We all need that.

It's the same with young women. A guy you have always like and thought of as a friend, only, suddenly shows flirtation. You know immediately, he wants something more. What is the first thing that enters your mind? Wow! I didn't dream my friend liked me in this way. What should I do? I don't want to hurt him, but I haven't even thought of him in this way.

Adults are no different. We do like and care about our opposite sex friends a lot, or wouldn't bother spending time with them. It can be a sudden surprise when one wants more out of the relationship. It does take time to think, without being pushed with some type of ultimatium conversation, when we haven't had the time to decide what we want.

I hope things work out for you Honesty! It is looking good!!

so you liked the poems? well i got bored in school and i started writing poems during 4th and 5th period

Personally, I hate poetry. My 13 year old daughter writes it all the time. It is a matter of personal taste! Some like it and some just don't get it at all, like me.

~crazybiker~

don't feel bad if you can't get a gf. when i get a bf it doesn't really last that long maybe about two weeks or not even that. but i'm 14 too and i know what you are going through because i don't have a bf . you sound like a really nice guy. i really like the poems that you wrote since i'm kind of into poetry. but any way i can't really give you much help. so, i wish you luck.