Fri 15 Nov, 2013 08:05 pm
Firstly, I'm physically disabled, shouldn't matter, but it's a point. There's a girl from a few months back I briefly had a chance to get to know and started to admire. When I showed an interest, more so as a friend, first and foremost, she had just started 'seeing someone.' Long story short, we haven't been in touch since, I felt she cut me off but I respected that. Since, I lost a lot of weight (lost 20% bf). Recently I saw her on campus, went to say 'hi' but she just gave me the 'thousand yard stare' and said she had to go somewhere. I followed by sending a slightly sentimental, candid note saying I hoped everything was fine and that I enjoyed getting to know her as a friend, and perhaps see you around type thing. I didn't invite a response and didn't get one. I'm starting to wonder if maybe she just didn't recognize me... who knows? On a decent authority, I know she's not seeing anyone now so it can't be because she's seeing someone. I didn't get it.
I'm walking a lot more around campus now (for exercise because I can now and enjoy it), and frequently see her around from a far. I think she's noticed me, but I'm not sure. I really want to ask her to coffee as a friend. I don't want to feel like I'm stalking, but should I just approach her if I see her again? Just go for it?
I get your dilemma. My take is be yourself, maybe she will do the noticing.
Thank you ossobuco! I totally appreciate that. I'd still like to buy her a coffee... not talking the moon or anything. Beyond that, you're right. Am I just over thinking it?
I'm getting mixed signals here. Why would you care if she's seeing someone IF you only want to pursue a mere platonic friendship. There are two divergent possibilities that can come from here.
1. Either she too sees you as trying to skip quickly through a friendship and into a romantic position with her and she's not into you that way ... at all. And she sees the platonic friendship as disingenuous.
2. She has absolutely no interest in having boys as platonic friends.
So, ask her one time for coffee or similar neutral activity. If no is the answer, sorry but moving on is the only reasonable option.
Nah... Don't get me wrong. Way back I asked her out... or along in a 'hang out' sense, she probably construed a romantic advance, and I probably figured she was only interested the 'other guy.' Who knows? Salad days... it's all very laughable.
Indeed... whatever the answer is, is.
....I'm starting to wonder if maybe she just didn't recognize me... who knows? ....
She did. I've lost 100 pounds and am still recognizable (although people who only knew me before might do a double take). So are you.
You definitely sound like a guy who really just wants to ask her out and you're dancing around with claiming that it's for friendship, when you really want more.
Sorry, but I think you got your answer.
Why are you trying to accomplish this from afar? You need to walk up to her and say, "Hi Mary, long time no see. Remember me?"
Wait for her response and say "Let's do a cup of coffee some time."
Wait for response.
YOU have to make this happen, kiddo, if this is what you want.
That's weird... You got her name correct.
I take it I'm being indecisive, and the vibe is potentially a turn off; creating a bad impression and I'm digging a hole. I'll go talk to her when I see her again.
I dunno, it might have to do with your disabililty or just with your interest being too much for her.
You will grow with a group of friends who actually know you. You will be ok, I insist. But you have a window into people.
It's tough but I know you're right. This one is just out of my social network or share the same studies. But we do have a lot in common hence how I became aware of her. Oh well...
One last question. I've seen her with a friend, usually when I have a chance to approach for a quick word on my way. Given that coffee is neutral, should I just talk to her in front of the friend or ask to take her aside for a brief 'second'? I don't want to put her on the spot, but the other way I can do more casually in passing, I think.
(Maybe I'll just ask the friend to coffee... ha)
Don't you think it's rude to talk to one and not the other when they're both there?
Of course. It'd be more casual regardless. Don't want to put 'er on the spot, however...
Walked right past her the other day, head down in deep thought. After realizing 20 paces later, I turned (thinking to go back) and she was staring at me. I chuckled and kept walking. Total choke.