Friendship after .......

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Ok here is going to be a complex story which I can`t figure out what would be the best thing to do,maybe here is somebody with a similar experience and can give some advice,no judging please .So I will start from the beginning.
Ages and ages ago I went for an interview which was great and it was so laid back that all we with interviewer seemed to do was laugh.Hadn`t laughed like that for very long time,been through some hard times !
Because of that I with the interviewer started to exchange mails and talk endlessly sharing stuff which even our closest friends and family doesn`t know.We were two people who somehow seemed to meet and help each other when it seemed was the most critical times for both.
Somehow we just seemed in a funny way find other me,it`s scary how much common we seemed to find and I believe both of us felt that we were meant to meet in a strangest situation.
Of course I kind of think you know there is a but,yes he is married however they don`t share anything more then house and doesn`t want to brake up for children.That`s the truth of situation.
Anyhow he is got some mental issues and had a breakdown and his GP actually have put him on some meds and it`s quite bad ....
Thing is I know in my mind that I have to let go and let him get better,but problem is I can`t step away which makes everything worse.Worst thing is that I believe our friendship which was there before anything else seems like is going to be affected as well.I feel like I have now lost no only someone special,but a great friend too.Thing is he still wants to be in touch and keep friendship going,but I am not convinced that that`s will ever work.It would be too hard in my mind because you don`t quite know what to say or not,but in the same time not keeping in touch is heartbreaking.Tried to take a break and not communicated,it`s just too painful.It`s almost doesn`t matter what way you turn you f***** ed .
We both desperately seem to want to be together,but something always seem to put the sticks in the way.It`s awful situation and till certain extend I can`t imagine what anyone can say,but maybe just writing this down will help me to get rid with some emotion ....

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He is MARRIED and has CHILDREN.

Think of that.

1 Reply

@hawkster1,

You don't need that in your life....

1) this is a man that will never commit

2) if he has a mental illness, it takes a lot to deal with someone like this, especially when they go off their meds, his wife is probably already doing this for him, why should you?

3) if he'd do it to his wife, what makes you think he wouldn't do it to you if he ever left her?

My advice, just because you can relate, you are focusing on the positive. Look down the road one year... The friendship butterflies are gone. Those things that once seemed cute aren't so cute anymore... Etc...

Only you can make the decision to let go, that's a lot of baggage to deal with...

Some people come into your life as a blessing, others come into your life as a lesson. Not all people are meant to stay in your life, sometimes letting go is hard but it leads you to the right places.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Yes I kind of do,thing is he haven`t got relationship with his wife and haven`t long before we met so in a sense I`m not in the middle,but children thing yes that`s different of course ....

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@Crazielady420,

That I think is the problem,he never says,but I`m worried that that`s why he and his wife haven`t really been in a relationship as such for a while.We seemed to somehow don`t know relate because I had bit of tragic year and was going through stuff which I never felt comfie talking to anyone,but him and other way around,that`s the problem suppose that`s before everything else there was a friendship which it would be shame to loose,but in a sense I don`t really have can that continue with everything what gone on in the back of my mind.Thanks for your response and I really liked that some come in the life as blessing,but some as lesson,that really is a good quote Smile

Thank you !!!

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Hawkster said: I with the interviewer started to exchange mails and talk endlessly sharing stuff which even our closest friends and family doesn`t know.We were two people who somehow seemed to meet and help each other when it seemed was the most critical times for both.
------------------------------------------------------------------
NEVER NEVER NEVER get involved with any man unless you want to see it through. He obviously thinks you're interested in him, and if you're in too deep it's going to be difficult and messy to get out.
So you've got two choices-
1- Stick with him and enjoy the ride and let the relationship run its course and eventually peter out.
2- Tell him straight you just want to be pals, nothing more than that.
If he doesn't like it, tough, that's his problem.

PS- The same applies for men, I personally NEVER take up with married women who flutter their eyelashes at me , or if a woman is single but i don't fancy her.. Smile

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

Hey,that`s the whole problem that we both seem to want to get involved,but we both know that`s the hell crashing train scenario.We got involved,now he is on a total mental breakdown and on a zombie pills and that`s the worrying part.I don`t want to stop,but if it continues might be worse for his mental state,but so if we would be stopping this.So I`m f**** if I know what to do ! It` a right mess ! There we are Romeo,Romeo where are you my Romeo Very Happy

1 Reply

@hawkster1,

Every time a woman comes on here and tries to justify a relationship with a married man, she always writes the same thing. Loverboy is married but has no real relationship with the wife. Says it is over but cannot for one reason or the other walk away to be with the new love of his life. Blah,blah, blah.

If you don't believe me, read over some of the other threads from women who are seeing married men and who want our advice. You, like they, are only seeking to justify your actions.

Here is my advice. Leave the man alone. Walk away. He is married and until he walks away from her, he has no right being with you and you have no right being with him. Case closed. And if you ignore this advice which you undoubtedly will, I hope that at some time in the future some guy you are married to starts up a relationship with someone else. When that happens, just remember you have given up the right to cry about it because you were at one point "the other woman."

1 Reply

@CoastalRat,

O God I`m not trying to justify it at all,I think situation is awful,but in the same time you can`t really decide who do you fall for and about his family thing I know only what he tells me.Till certain extend I think he should be one to stop this,but that also doesn`t seem to happen.We both guilty,but I am one with no obligations so who knows...

1 Reply

@hawkster1,

Quote:

but in the same time you can`t really decide who do you fall for

To some degree you are correct. But you can decide on whether or not to act on your feelings. And the fact that the man is married should cause you to make the adult decision NOT to act on your feelings because the man has a family. (Note: He should also have the willpower not to act on his feelings for you. I'm not just blaming you here.)

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about his family thing I know only what he tells me.

Yeah, and a married guy who wants to act on an attraction and get a little bit on the side is always honest with the women he wants to bed. Are you really that naive?

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Till certain extend I think he should be one to stop this

Why shouldn't you be the one to stop it? Do you really like being his play toy?

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but that also doesn`t seem to happen

Of course not. In his mind he has it made. A wife at home and a plaything on the side whenever he wants. Why would he want to stop it?

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We both guilty

Yeap. Since you recognize that you are as guilty as he, why don't you stop it and find a guy who is available who will make you the top priority in his life instead of sharing his time between you and someone else? After all, he has made it clear that staying in his marriage is more important than his relationship with you. Why would you accept that?

1 Reply

@CoastalRat,

Hey,
That was a reply and half,much appreciated also so cheers Smile

.
Problem is bigger then it seems because he have decided to come clean to his wife which have made his mental issues so bad he is on zombie pills.Thing now is if we continue going on he might be worse,but if I now decide to stop I`m not sure that would help his mental state either.
And yes you are right you can or can`t act on the feelings.That`s the awful thing that in a sense you want to because I obviously like the guy,but God knows what`s the correct decision in all of this ...
I know that nobody can really give any advice as I mentioned that maybe writing it somehow helps because it`s difficult to hold that emotion in....
Thanks again

1 Reply

@hawkster1,

Here's your advice.

You're probably not going to like it.

Let him go. It sounds, from this end of things, like you fancy that you're saving him somehow. That's a lousy position to be in, when it comes to relationships. If his medical care is imperfect, he needs to be an advocate for improving it - and the person who needs to help him with that is his wife. You are under no obligation to do this.

Walk away from this train wreck.

1 Reply

As i mentioned earlier, I could never want to take up with a married woman because I wouldn't like the idea of sharing her with her hub beause that'd mean it'd only be a "half-relationship" and not the real thing.
However, if her hub was a nasty creep who made her feel depressed and lonely I might consider taking up with her to give her the love, friendship and comfort she needs.

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

I completely agree with you and I always had my boundaries and would don`t know laugh at people like that till it happened to me.I always been very highly moral person and that really have taken myself back Smile

.We were brilliant friends which unexpectedly to both of us became more and who knows what`s right now.Seems like both ways are wrong ways,but cheers for what you said

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And if this was a religion thread somebody might say that God deliberately put you into his life as a good samaritan to cheer him up.. Smile

Helen Carter sums it up beautifully in 'Wildwood flower' when she sings-
"He taught me to love him and called me his flower
That was blooming to cheer him through life's dreary hour"

Look at her beautiful soft feminine eyes as she sings it, typifying the warmth and tenderness of a womans love that all men want, but not all of us are lucky enough to find-

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g64/PoorOldSpike/helen-carter_zps19546c10.jpg~original

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

You know that must be it,he also always says that he needed somebody talk through when he was in a bad place,and so was I and that`s why we found common ground I guess.Maybe God wanted to check out how much this one stand on correct ground so to speak Very Happy

,but then again after what he put me through last year seems like it backfired Smile

Thanks for the song also,made me smile Smile

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What "zombie pills" are you talking about?

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

strong antidepressants which you have to take to stabilize mind ...

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@jespah,

That is a good advice,thank you and you right thought not easy,but cheers Smile

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