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Can anyone please give me some advice? Please? Much appreciated

 
 
DanB114
 
Reply Tue 20 May, 2014 04:07 pm
I was speaking to a very special friend I met months ago on a site called Experience Project and fell in love with - I wrote a poem for her birthday - and she said that because we live so far apart that it was best if we just remain friends. She asked if I was upset - and I was, very much so. She said she feels horrible about making me feel upset, and that just made me worse, I don'e want her to feel bad at all, it hurts me a lot when she's upset about stuff.

I said to her that if we're just going to remain friends then I'd like to show her the poem now, instead of on her birthday since the message would be irrelevant if I waited any more. She said it was beautiful, but I could hear the sadness in her voice. We said goodnight and I went to bed - I don't think I've ever cried like that in years. We still talk on facebook, just as friends - I love her so much and I love talking to her, but every word she says is like a knife in me.

We're about 650 miles apart. She live's in Sussex in England, I live in the NE Scotland. That's not that far and I am more than willing to travel. I know that she cares about me, she said the only thing between us and happiness is the miles. Maybe there is still a chance, I mean, I had always planned to go to a film school down there when I had the cash anyway. I may just be living in a half faded fantasy, and I may be heartbroken, but if there's one thing I'm not - it's a quitter.

I was talking to her on Saturday night on facebook and she was very drunk and upset and crying and I was comforting her, and making sure she was drinking plenty of water. She keeps saying how sorry she is and how much she loves me - and that hurt so much. I don't know if it's actually her. She says she's been crying about it too. She showed me this song, saying it makes her cry every time - and she begged me not to give up on her.

http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=BmErRm-vApI />

I stayed up all night comforting her - I refused to go to sleep until I knew she was safely in bed and that wasn't until 6am. I had been thinking about that all day yesterday, and I thought if she said that to me when she was drunk then maybe she did feel that way but was too afraid to say anything - so I told her last night just how much she means to me. She said that if we keep talking it's going to get too complicated and one of us will get hurt, so now I'm worried I'm going to lose her forever. That was another night I spent crying in bed. I just don't know what to think any more. I was in the library at school today reading and then I started looking back at our conversations and I started to tear up again. I wish she would realise just how much I love her and what I'm willing to do to be with her. I have cried myself to sleep twice and cried at school now, it's getting out of control, but I don't want her to know how much I'm hurting because she'll blame herself and I don't want to see her upset again because it hurts me :'(
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 May, 2014 06:41 am
@DanB114,
DanB114 wrote:

.... I may just be living in a half faded fantasy, and I may be heartbroken, but if there's one thing I'm not - it's a quitter. ...


I really wish that people didn't think this way about relationships that aren't working. It is not 'quitting' to let go. It's damned healthy.

I dunno why she sent you that song (I had to do some fancy footwork to figure out it was an A Great Big World/Christina Aguilera weepy called Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You)). But sending sad songs to someone who is already distraught and cannot do anything about it is awfully manipulative.

You need to extricate yourself from this manufactured drama. And find yourself a film school to attend because you want to attend it, and because it'll be good for your future career, and not because of some gal who, so far as I can tell, is shouting at you that she only wants to be friends yet shoves a stupid weepy song in your face in order to confuse you.

Bad long distance relationships with little foundation are often just another way of people avoiding relating to the people around them. I am not saying that long distance doesn't work. It sure as hell can. But the parties need to be on the same page. You two aren't, and she is muddying the waters, probably because she's avoiding people in her area, too, or doesn't want to just cut you loose because it feels nice to be doted on.

Do yourself a favor and stop this now, before it turns into years and you miss out on opportunities right under your nose because you are pining for someone who isn't going to be there in the end.
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axpert
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 May, 2014 04:45 pm
@DanB114,
Im new on here but i have to agree with jespah. Especially the part about this turning into something that can drag on for a long time with no real resolution or benefit to you. I would personally just give up on this. Im not sure what travel arrangements are involved since i live in the US, but it seems like a lot. In the end i know you are going to do what you want. These long distance relationship can be very tricky even if both parties are on stage. I have found out most of the time one person usually is doing the brunt of the traveling. At first this is ok, but then starts to wear thin. As i said earlier i know you going to do what you want I can only point out some things. Good Luck Bro.

PS...You guys can still be friends i see no problem with that..
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GorDie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jul, 2015 11:45 am
@DanB114,
I use Experience project. ... I hope everything is cool man. I can't give advice here.
0 Replies
 
 

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