If personal ads were honest, where would you draw the line?

Hey, fine, nobody else post one! Then I'll be getting all the hot guys to myself heh heh

Hey, let's try a new idea. I'll start, you gals finish:

Hello, my name is gustavratzenhofer....

Haha!
Hello, my name is gustavratzenhofer....

And I've been told that I appeal to a variety of species...

How 'bout one for you, Cav? We won't tell the Mrs!

You have to start Suzy, I'll fill in the rest.

Studly chef with good taste in music seeking...

You chickenshit, you

And I'm not getting any calls on my ad, so I'm changing it. here's the new one:

I put out. Always.

How's that? kidding, of course...! But I bet that would do the trick!

Hello ladies. My name is Chet...but my nickname is "horse"(yes, that's the reason).

I'm not famous, but I did f$ck the Olsen Twins before they were famous....I SWEAR, I didn't know they were only three.

What I'm looking for in a girl? Well, I like my girls fun, and most of all, I like them like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer! I make great drinks, my favorite is a self-made delight named "Ruby Rasberry n' Roofies." My women must be skinny, and I don't want to hear this "I'm big boned" crap. Listen sweetie, it ain't genetic, now put the twinkie down, fat-ass. Know whaddum' saying?

I've only been in jail once, but I'm telling you...a restraining order is only another way of saying "I love you." If you don't have a sense of humor, you're not for me. I mean, what's NOT funny about stapling your girlfriend's cat to the celing fan?

Most of all, I love hugs. Email me.

be still my heart!

Cav, this thread reminds me of when I used to work in a large office setting…occasionally, when the boss was away, my co-workers and I would set and read the personal ads and get a big laugh every time

Hi. I'm Kicky. Let me first tell you that I'm a pessimist. In fact, I always expect the worst, and usually I'm right. I hate everything and everyone.

I'm ugly. I like to watch a lot of TV, and I like to chain-smoke cherry middleton cigars. I like to swear at people randomly as I'm walking to work. I smell like stale cheese and ash. My favorite pastime is bitching about the same things over and over and over again, until I alienate all who dare try to get close to me. I don't believe in love, but I believe that hate is very real.

I hate going out. I'm cheap. I believe we are all doomed to a life of boredom and the anesthetizing glare of the television eye, until sweet death one day releases us. People react with a combination of fear and pity when they first meet me. I like to sleep. A lot. I hate children. I think Oprah is a hideous beast who doles out dimestore advice on how to live to sheep-like morons. I drink. A lot.

If you have read this far, you obviously have some real serious psychological problems. Drop me a line.

Hi, my name is Jane, yes, as in 'plain Jane.' I'm a total uggo, and also have serious self-esteem issues. I don't smoke or drink, as I'm Amish, but I am about to embark on my 'leave the community' excursion.

I really want to try lots of new stuff while I'm out there. You must understand that after the complete debauchery I have up until now only imagined in my dreams, I must return to the village and marry an Amish boy.

In the meantime, please excuse my wanton abandon. Call me...

Hello,

My name is Frank. I'm 5'11" 190 pounds (a little over weight but I wear it well). I'm 42 and have never been married... in fact I have never had a relationship over 2 months long. I am tired of the dating scene and looking for someone to get seriously involved with - both emotionally and physically.

I am looking for someone as organized as I am. I have been called a "neat freak" before and the label fits well. I do not like change and hate, and I mean hate, clutter. I work from 9 to 5 Monday through Friday, eat dinner at 630 sharp, wash dishes and kitchen at 700, retire to the living room around 800 where I often fall asleep on the couch while watching UPN... but only after laying out my clothes for the next day.

In bed I am quite adventurous and like to dress up and role play. My favorite is wearing diapers while you play Mommy. I also enjoy being spanked and whipped.

I hate children (unless I'm playing one) so am not interested in starting a family. I have an equal dislike for pets of any kind... they are just to dirty.

If this sounds like fun to you please contact me at [email protected] or call between the hours of 800 pm to 900pm at 555-5555. I look forward to hearing from you.

Cav,

I'd like to call plain jane but how can I... she's amish?

Hello there, my name is Eva. I'm a goddess. No, really, I am! I'm looking for men to worship and adore me. It doesn't matter if you're young or old, good looking or ugly, employed or not, just as long as you're rich. I will expect flowers and at least one expensive gift a week. You may leave them at the altar outside my door. I also enjoy travel, so if you have a private plane or yacht, you'll have better luck with me. Oh, and I absolutely will not tolerate any other women in your life. Particularly your mother. Get rid of her, then call me. 1+800+342-6663 (1+800+DIAMOND)

Two cans and a long string.