Can you add a classy insult?

Reply Mon 28 Oct, 2013 02:59 pm
Here are some great, and classy, insults.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies
or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." Clarence Darrow.

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." -Moses Hadas.

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain.

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
Winston Churchill replied "Cannot possibly attend first night, will
attend second ... if there is one."

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-Stephen Bishop.

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright.

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb.

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
-Samuel Johnson.

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating.

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
Charles, Count Talleyrand.

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker.

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" - Mark Twain.

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.." - Mae West.

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -
Oscar Wilde.

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912).

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder.

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho
Reply Mon 28 Oct, 2013 03:15 pm
My Repartee

"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork." Twain

0 Replies
Reply Mon 28 Oct, 2013 03:27 pm
You forgot this one:

- Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee! " Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"
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Reply Mon 28 Oct, 2013 06:42 pm
A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.
Frederick Douglass
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Reply Mon 28 Oct, 2013 08:08 pm
“You speak an infinite deal of nothing.”
― William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice
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Lustig Andrei
Reply Mon 28 Oct, 2013 09:48 pm
"Nothing in this world became him as well as the leaving [of] it."
William Shakespeare. I believe that's from Macbeth.
Lustig Andrei
Reply Mon 28 Oct, 2013 09:53 pm
@Lustig Andrei,
Dorothy Parker and Clare Booth Luce, who detested each other, found themselves standing together waiting for an elevator. Needless to say, they did not speak to each other. When the elevator arrived, Luce stood aside,smiled sweetly, and said, "Age before beauty." Parker looked at her, said, "Pearls before swine," and stepped in.
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Reply Mon 28 Oct, 2013 10:25 pm
It is egregiously evident that you have no need whatsoever for a corpus callosum.
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Reply Tue 29 Oct, 2013 04:10 am
I'll leave to Melvin.... take it away Melvin.

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Reply Tue 29 Oct, 2013 04:20 am
@Lustig Andrei,
It is from Macbeth, but it's not an insult. It refers to the disgraced Thane of Cawdor, who despite being a traitor, approaches his execution with dignity and honour. Macbeth, the hero of the hour,(and the new Thane of Cawdor,) by contrast, becomes more villainous as the play progresses. It fits in with the theme of things being turned of their heads, as the witches say at the beginning. Fair is foul, and foul is fair.
Reply Tue 29 Oct, 2013 04:22 am
0 Replies
Reply Wed 30 Oct, 2013 10:20 am
I had a boss who kept a sign on her desk that paraphrased Oscar Wilde:

Everyone brings joy to this office
Some when they enter and some when they leave
0 Replies
Frank Apisa
Reply Thu 31 Oct, 2013 06:09 am
Damn near everything that Dorothy Parker wrote, but these two stand out:

"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them."

(And in a review of a Katharine Hepburn stage performance):

"She delivered a striking performance that ran the gamut of emotions, from A to B."

But read her quotes...she was amazing!
Reply Thu 31 Oct, 2013 08:04 am
@Frank Apisa,
Tres witty
Reply Thu 31 Oct, 2013 07:33 pm
To no one in particular.

I read all of your posts, whether I find them disagreeable initially, or later.
0 Replies
Reply Mon 18 Nov, 2013 05:56 am
panzade wrote:

Tres witty

One more drink and I'll be under the host.

I've had a wonderful time and this wasn't one.

0 Replies
Reply Mon 18 Nov, 2013 11:39 am
A sign in an office says:

"Firings will continue until employee morale improves."
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Romeo Fabulini
Reply Mon 18 Nov, 2013 12:36 pm
Montgomery:- "Brigadier X is no good"
Churchill:- "Does he know?"
Montgomery:- "Oh yes, I've told him"

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators don't know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty"- Theodore Roosevelt

Data:- "Captain, I am attempting to understand the human female mind"
Picard:- "I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I’ll let you know"
0 Replies
Reply Sat 18 Jan, 2014 11:35 am
Here are the top ten sophisticated insults.

0 Replies

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