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Fri 20 Dec, 2002 10:22 pm
I have begun to learn something here lately.
It has taken me very long to learn such a
simple idea, such an easy to see - right in
front of your nose thing....
The "ways" or the "things" that I recognize as
being loving and caring and thoughtful are
the things that I do for my significant other.
The "ways" or the "things" that my significant
other recognizes as being loving and caring
and thoughtful are the things that are done for me.
One day, out of the blue -after being thanked
for doing a routine, part of a relationship thing.
I used 'my significant other's line', and I said
"Don't thank me, honey - THAT'S MY JOB!!"
You should have SEEN the LOOK that it prompted!!
It was recognized.. profoundly...because I think
I had begun to speak in the language that my love
understands,
instead of my own.
Babs, you have such a lovely way with words, and I do love that in a person.
I think what you're speaking of is "unconditional love" and complete acceptance, of ourselves and others.
I really don't think we see and feel this kind of love until we become more mature and more wise in the ways of the world. We finally realize what's important in life.
Thank you.
Babs, I read your statement 3 times. My husband and I have a rather odd marriage, by other's standards maybe. We've never had any particular "job" that we do in the marriage. I clean the garage, the tool shed because he is really a mess. He cooks a lot, I clean the kitchen.
During babyhood he got up in the night with newborns as much as me. He made the formula, but I fed the baby and changed its clothes (always). Seems to me I ran the house (my job) and allowed him to do certain things "for me." That is, those things where he wouldn't either kill the baby, or leave the house in a complete wreck, ruin all the clothes, etc. Whoever was best at whatever.
Today we are older, of course, but it's still the same. I'm so glad he likes to cook but we don't seem to feel we are doing these things "for" each other. He is just no good at washing clothes and cleaning the garage, mopping the floor etc. We just kinda move around as if by radar, not bumping into one another.
*Thanks so much for your lovely compliment Misti,
I am actually quite surprised that this particular
topic has received few comments from anyone
on A2K....so I wonder if my wording is confusing,
ill phrased, or just a bizarre concept altogether
to others.
*Tex-Star, my dear. I am certain of only one
thing really, at least ... that there are as many
kinds of relationships as there are people in them,
leaving lots of latitude and longitude for us ALL to
be partnered in a way that is meaningful & nurturing
and giving & does harm to neither party as well
as to do good for both & in addition helps others
to learn from their extraordinary example.
**Perhaps I did not thoroughly express the fact that
so often what is DONE FOR ME, is not "RECOGNIZED
BY ME", because it isn't done in one of "MY WAYS" of
expressing loving and caring, or vice versa.
FOR EXAMPLE:
**If ALL that I can recognize as loving are red, red roses,
and my beloved brings me dozens of yellow roses -
(because yellow roses are the only sign of TRUE love
which my beloved understands) WHERE ARE WE?
I am failing to see the loving and giving of my beloved,
& my beloved is hurt by my failure to see what has been
given to me as the MOST genuine act of love "in my
beloved's way of seeing". So that MY ways of SEEING
are all that are cheating me out of seeing the greatest
gift of love one human could ever wish from another.[/B][/I]
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