Victims who forgive: Why do they do it?

Forgiveness is a step in moving on. Without forgiveness, you dwell in misery, reliving misery day after day and becoming bitter and constricted.

There is a cynical saying from Oscar Wilde:
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Terrorists probably do NOT want to be 'forgiven', what do you think?

"As we forgive others": since I raised up in a Christian country - forgiveness is one of the first virtues we were taught as children.

but can you force forgiveness, Walter? Isn't it like love? If you don't feel it, how can you regard is as a duty?

Some thoughts on forgiveness:

I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher


Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~Mark Twain


Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. ~Marlene Dietrich


It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. ~Stewart's Law of Retroaction


The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi


To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you. ~Author Unknown


Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. ~William Arthur Ward


You can make up a quarrel, but it will always show where it was patched. ~Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911


It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. ~William Blake, Jerusalem


Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. ~Isaac Friedmann


Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. ~Harriet Nelson


He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. ~George Herbert


There's no point in burying a hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site. ~Sydney Harris


Nobody forgets where he buried the hatchet. ~Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard, Abe Martin's Broadcast, 1930


What we forgive too freely doesn't stay forgiven. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


It's far easier to forgive an enemy after you've got even with him. ~Olin Miller


There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. ~Josh Billings


Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation. ~Roberto Assagioli


One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget. ~Franklin P. Jones


Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury. ~E.H. Chapin

Like "love your neighbour", Clary? Like "don't kill"?
"Honour your parents"?

Well, you certainly can't force it.

My father used to say "it's character: either you have it or not".

The more you get to know people, the more you are constantly amazed by them.

I have only one sibling, my sister. Our parents are both deceased now and if someone were to do something to her, I doubt that I would have the level of true forgiveness that some of these people seem to have.

I wish I had that level of devotion to Christ's teachings as the woman in the article, but I would probably react VERY badly to an incident like this.

I suppose it just goes to show that I need a few more Karmic turns on the wheel before my soul is serene enough to find 'enlightenment'.

Don't kill, of course, and honour your parents - you can do these because they are outward actions/non-actions. You can direct ACTION, but you can't direct FEELING. You can wish to love, to forgive.. and you can act lovingly and forgivingly. But it may not come from the heart, that's what I mean you can't force it. You can make a law that prohibits sexism, so you can stop people acting sexist, but can you change their feelings? Maybe in time you can. A generation or so.

'Forgiving' doesn't mean 'forgetting', I think.

But see the quote above, about forgetting: I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Maybe only Christ or Gandhi can forgive that well.

I'm with Walter that "Forgetting" and "Forgiving" are two different animals. One does not depend on the other. Of the two, "Forgiving" is much easier.

Remembering may be essential for survival.

As a victim of a horrible crime I found that when I had the realization that I could forgive I was able to release the anger and move a little bit further down the path of life.

Noddy, you are correct forgiving is much easier than forgetting. And personally I do not think forgetting is a cure for anything. In addition I do not believe that time heals all wounds.

To heal you have to go through stuff and that takes remembrance.

It's the releasing of the anger that is essential. It doesn't mean condoning the crime and being a doormat. Retaliation is an example of not forgiving...

Thanks for the article Federal.

Example:

A member of Mr. Noddy's family borrowed a respectable sum of money 15 years ago and obviously has no intention of repaying.

I regret the lost money, forgive the borrower but have resolved never to lend him money again.

A thoughtful posting Federal.

Let me ask this question: Has anybody heard of a movement from the victims of the Holocaust to forgive Germany for it's role in this attempt at genocide? You may substitute France, Poland, Italy, Roumania,Hungary,Russia,Latvia...etc

We have had quite some terrible things in our family - it's all forgiven, but (here: especially when soemeone was sexually abused by her father) some can't be forgetten.
(We were very friendly with the navigator - because I was friendly with his son - of the bomber crew, who bombed [and killed 2/3 of my father's family]. But he never could forget that.)

I was taught that when a member of your family(or a friend) borrows money, you should immediately consider it a gift. And fuggheddabouddit!

Wait a minute Walter!

Back the truck up!

You're telling me that the navigator from a mile up in the air could discern that he had wiped out 2/3's of your father's family?
Somebody help me grasp this concept.