Wish I can turn back time...broken hearted

I know I might of deserved what I got but can someone be such a jerk. I was with my ex for 5 yrs then stayed friends for 2 yrs up until August of this year. We'll my problem started a week before my bday on 2012. I felt unwanted and wanted to go out. Me and my ex weren't together at this time. But wanted to get back together.But my ex would always make up excuses to not hang out, so I hanged out with his supposedly best friend. It was a horrible choice that I regret. I ended up getting drunk and his friend took advantage of me which we ended up doing the dirty. The after math is horrible. My ex wanted to get back on my bday and had a surprise for me. But I ruined it when I told him what I did. But the worst thing I made up a lie that something bad happened to me. But I didn't know why the hell I lied that I finally told him who it was and what happened. He got upset and vowed to never talk to me. I felt like I wanted to kill myself and felt like the worse person in the world. Then months later we started to talk again. My ex and I ended up having sex again. But he was distant. I always apologize to him but he never felt it sincere. He then told me he loved me but not the same way as before. But we kept kissing and texting as a couple and as my best friend. But this last august I noticed he was different. The last time we saw each other...we met outside his fav restaurant and kissed goodbye, he said he missed my kisses. I felt so happy ! He even texted me home that he loved our kissed. So I felt progress. Up until a Monday I saw him talking to this girl as if he was really close to her. So I asked him if he was moving on and never responded until Wed. I felt crushed when he said he wasn't lying that he is meeting new people. So I was ok fine. But I asked him if he met someone else and he said it didn't concern me. But I noticed he was already in a relaintionship the Tuesday we didn't talk. So after the whole story.....why couldn't he manned up and told me he found someone? Is this karma getting back at me? I miss my best friend but I felt like he totally changed. Being friends for so long besides being gf/bf ....could at least told to stop seeing me? I need a guys answers ! Girls are welcome too! It's ok to judge me ;( ....trust me I think of myself my own enemy