outlaws

Here's a thought:

Don't show up 'til an hour before it's over, and claim you had a plumbing problem at your house. If they come over to help, just throw a little water on the bathroom floor and it'll look good.

It could work.

Noon?

Well, another way of looking at it, hard, I know, trust me, I know, is they might be lonely and looking forward to it. This is their focus.

Before you sneer me away entirely (as I would anyone saying this to me) consider a combo of welcome and control.
That'll confuse them!!!! Consider - trying not to be toooo arrogant, however appropriate to you at the minute. Let it be, but don't deny who you are. (tricky, heh).

Or the opposite, tell'em what's what. That isn't as satisfying as it might seem, as they won't understand.

So, to me, the really difficult part is to represent yourself well and not slam them repeatedly about the head. Forbearance is good, although an aura of saintliness is perceived obnoxious on your side.

Part of all this stuff is ordinary control issues.
Are you not a grown up? Do you need to be called to appear at noon?

Grownups (we all are sometimes) are often just straightforward about what is convenient or not, relative to our lives. Period, no discussion. We cannot be there until 2:30, period. Let them conjecture what you are up to in the morning.

My husband and I spent a lot of years going to one or the other of my cousins' houses for family get togethers as it was easier for the bulk of them, including transporting my always aging dear aunt. (I mean that nicely, she was a big part of our going there, we both really liked her).

We often went the next day to his parent's place. (frowning in memory). This was fairly exhausting over the years and we didn't have all that many holidays at our own house. We made up for it with gatherings of friends, at close times, and by walking on the beach on holiday mornings, rain, shine, winds, whatever.

So I/we were into commanding our mornings. When things were at our house, not all so often did we do that, but sometimes, we'd have the oven going at low when we were gone...

Drank a bottle of wine before we left. That held me for a few hours then I had to come home to "walk the dog" and consumed another half bottle. Things went much better this time! Thanks

Good for you beebo! I'm glad your day went well.