the friends you are drawn to...

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I've had trouble with some of the friends I've made over the past 10 yrs... to the point that I had to remove myself from the friendship, which wasn't easy. I tried to figure out why I'm a magnet for such horrible friends (trust me, they were horrible).

I am drawn to people who are individuals. The trouble is, a lot of people who are individuals (stand out from those around them, don't follow the herd) have a problem with authority, for various reasons.

The individualistic friends I still have are
-doctor (just finished her residency and boards)
-a woman in law school, with 2 kids
-a record producer, small label Smile

-an IT administrator, and new father
-a website designer

The individualistic friends I had to get away from...
-ex-stripper on drugs living off some guy she met on the net
-30 yr old pot addict living with his parents
-lesbian who has no respect for straight people, and doesn't understand why 'society hates her'
-39 yr old who is cheating her way through a bachealor's degree in chemistry

Big difference, eh?

So what kind of friends are YOU drawn to, and how has it worked out?

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I am sucked into relationships with narcissistic people. I guess I am baffled by there bullshit. Sometimes, I get into the relationship - even though I know there is something really wrong - because I want to figure them out. That probably doesn't say that much about my mental health. Generally, I do not like people. My recent (past few years) relationships - friends- are just family or work people. My family & my husbands family are terrible people to pick from. Work- things are better in that area.

I look forward to others answers.

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Re: the friends you are drawn to...

L.R.R.Hood wrote:

I am drawn to people who are individuals. The trouble is, a lot of people who are individuals (stand out from those around them, don't follow the herd) have a problem with authority, for various reasons.

So what kind of friends are YOU drawn to, and how has it worked out?

Like you, L.R.R, I'm also drawn to individualists. I have three people I call my best friends. One is a divorced operating room nurse (female), the other is a divorced police officer (male) and the third is a happily married homemaker (Martha Stewart clone) with 3 kids who I have been best friends with since the third grade. My very best friend is, of course, my husband....except when he pisses me off and I want to kill him. Mr. Green

I don't associate with my in-laws except for Christmas and Easter because they are all religious wackos, and co-workers are nothing more than that. I never believed in mixing business with friendships/pleasure.

When I was younger the majority of my friends were fun people who were pretty screwed up...just people to hang out and party with. I was screwed up too, just not as bad as them, so they used to come to me for help/advice all the time.

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I think the friend ship is a relation between many people sharing the same feelings and hobbies ..... but the problem starts when the charechtirs of each one is different .... And i think the man should think of who is he going to make friend ship with (not anyone ) if you want to make friend ship you must stand them....

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Hmmmm - that is an interesting question....

Hmmmmmmmm - well, since I have one friend (although no longer see them much) who I have known since I was 6, and lots of friends I have had for 20 to 30 years, I sure ain't complaining.

I have another bunch I have known for 10 to 15 years, and sundry newer ones.

I am drawn, I suppose, to brains, humour (I have a few friends without noticeable senses of humour, but mighty few!) and passion about stuff (like politics, work, having fun, life, whatever).

I have made a few mistakes - usually with those who are a bit hysterical/borderliney - ie intense, a bit dramatic, lots of fun to start with - (not too much doubt about what THAT shows me, eh? lol) - though now I know 'em, and I can see 'em coming - actully, I now have a lot of faith in my "trouble" radar - and will, on occasion, say to friends when we meet someone new - "s/he's trouble" and I am right. They find it very funny.

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I rarely offer friendship to others. Any friends I get it's because they made the first move. Consequently, I have no problem rejecting the ones that don't work out; ie, the ones that don't shower me with cash, all their adulation and don't make runs to the stores for me.

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Most of my old friends no longer live in my city, but in general, I am drawn towards indiviualists, of the first category. I have a problem with authority myself, being of the individual type personality, but my bod wasn't good enough for stripping without the heroin and all that weightlifting (being a man and all), so I opted for starting my own catering business instead. Smile

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This is all very interesting. I see I'm not the only one who has had problems with certain types of people. Makes me feel better Very Happy

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My closest friends are people I've known for over twenty years. We have a bond. I have a few casual friends that I met at work. I'm drawn to people who are calm, spiritual, progressive and positive in their general outlook. And funny. A sense of humor will keep me coming back for more.
All it takes are a couple of conversations to know if you want to hang around a person or not. If someone starts whining about something or is more satisfied bitching and moaning rather than trying to understand a situation or look for a solution to a problem, I run for the hills. Their attitude, to me, is just wrong and nothing frustrates me more. Like dlowan, after awhile you can see these types coming and I put the freeze on them right away. They don't want to be friends with me and that's okay in my book.

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It does take years to really get to know someone. Going through tough times together can speed up that process.

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I am more circumspect about friends now than
I was in my youth, more guarded.....I don't
know if that is a good thing.

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I recently became estranged from my best friend of 15 years ...hurt worse than my divorce...lol

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panzade wrote:

I recently became estranged from my best friend of 15 years ...hurt worse than my divorce...lol

That's true panzade. Some friendships are closer than marriages! When my childhood friend of 30 years moved to Maine five years ago (her husbands job took them there) I went through a terrible time. I missed her so much...for so long. Since she's moved, I've only seen her twice...once when her mom died and when she came back for our high school reunion. I've since made new friends, but she was special and can, of course, never be replaced. I still consider her my best friend as we communicate often over the phone and through email.

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FRIENDS
I ALSO HAVE ALOT OF TROUBLE WITH FRIENDS. I'M FEMALE AND PREFER THE FRIENDSHIP OF MEN. THEY TEND NOT TO GOSSIP AND DO NOT TAKE THEMSELVES SO SERIOUSLY. HOWEVER, MOST ARE MARRIED AND SOONER OR LATER THEY WANT TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS. AS FOR WOMEN FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER I MAKE FRIENDS WITH THEM EASILY BUT LOSE INTEREST REALLY SOON. I DO NOT HATE ANY OF THEM BUT WE JUST BECOME NOT AS CLOSE. THEN AFTER AWHILE WE JUST LOSE TOUCH. NEEDLESS TO SAY I DO NOT HAVE MANY FRIENDS MOSTLY FAMILY. I'M SURE I COULD POSSIBLY USE SOME THERAPY TO TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHY I'M THE WAY I AM.

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There are maybe a lot of people that might call me a friend to them - but I'm not sure I'd call them my friend vs a very casual acquiantce, I'm not good at letting people get close to me - or I have tight boundaries for sharing. I do know I have major authority difficulties. My true friend are less than a handful.

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panzade wrote:

I recently became estranged from my best friend of 15 years ...hurt worse than my divorce...lol

Boy, you said a mouthful, Puppybreath - I HATE losing friends - it really hurts. I don't do it often - but....

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The true friends I've had in my life are maybe three. I don't make 'friends' easily; I need lots of time to become close enough to feel that thorough trust and sense of kinship. This is fine with me--the many aquaintances I have are delightful for the most part and I enjoy their company, but I also like the fact that they do not think of me as a confidant.

When I was younger, I tended to take on the 'broken wing' types who depended on me for feedback to their problems. I was so insecure that they made me feel almost normal. Now that I realize that being normal is no fun at all, the few individualists I call friend, will do me for the rest of my life.

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friends

my friends are different from me... for example i am a perverted sex loving freak and they are smart ghetto people... something's wrong with the pic... and i only have 5 friends i think thats okay Confused

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Diane wrote:

the many aquaintances I have are delightful for the most part and I enjoy their company, but I also like the fact that they do not think of me as a confidant.

I feel the same way about my aquaintances. Smile

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I have been estranged from my friends mainly coz I moved to a different country, and boy! is long distance friendship tough!!
Dlowan, I am drawn to the same kind of friends u r... and i do love a good sense of humor (i have it aplenty!)... i have recently overcome my initial inhibitions and have been making friends that i can talk to intelligently with something thrown in about our personal lives... but i would really like to have 2-3 friends that i can hang out with regularly, whom i can talk to...
my husband is adorable, but sometimes its fun to just have a girls' night out... anybody interested??? Cool

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the friends you are drawn to...

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