I am in love with a man who lives across the country. I need advice?

Reply Wed 11 Sep, 2013 12:20 pm
Hello all! So here is the story, and I'm sure many people can relate in some way. In high school, I had a boyfriend for about 2 and a half years and I thought I loved him. He was a good man, but had sever depression and bipolar disorder which led to me breaking it off. I thought I could never find another man that I could equally love. During my senior year, I met a guy who I instantly liked. He is 2 years older than me (I'm 19 and he is 21). We went to the same high school, but didn't know each other until I became a senior. We hit it off and had so much chemistry. He is a gorgeous man with great lifelong goals and intentions. He moved far away to study film in California, and I'm stuck in indiana attending university here(I'm a freshman). Me and him facetime often and keep in contact almost daily. He and I both know we like each other a lot, but we also know how far away we are. We try to be rational, but a long distance relationship seems difficult. I'm in college now, and I'm meeting tons of new people and obviously men. I can't seem to stop comparing every guy I meet to my best friend that lives in California. He comes home about 2 a year, but that just isn't enough for me. Should I try and get over him? I want to be with him and he told me the same in the future. It's just so far fetched. I miss him so much, I miss the comforting feeling. Anyways, thank you for reading this long and extraneous post. Help?
Reply Wed 11 Sep, 2013 12:37 pm
Is it either/or? You don't really have to get over him, but it probably isn't wise to exclude all other relationships. Not to suggest that wisdom plays a big role in relationships, but don't let this be the only person in your thoughts. You might be ruling out something better and closer.
Reply Wed 11 Sep, 2013 12:43 pm
You're exactly right. I'm trying to see past him when I communicate with new guys. I think I'm just being impatient.
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Reply Wed 11 Sep, 2013 12:48 pm
Wise advice by Roger. I ditto his advice. The difficult thing about being so young (relative to some of us old farts) is that you don't come with instant wisdom that can only (if your lucky) come from experience. Keep your options open but keep in touch with your Calif b/f ,too.

Just be happy and enjoy your social time. There'll be plenty of time to commit to just one person...but AFTER you have met a few dozen or more new people and had some adventures. Don't rush it or be rushed by anyone else.
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Reply Wed 11 Sep, 2013 03:56 pm
Most long distance relationships don't work, but a small percentage do...it depends on the people involved, and only you are going to be able to determine that.
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Reply Thu 12 Sep, 2013 10:14 am
You said: I want to be with him and he told me the same in the future.

What does that mean?

He's waiting for you to get older? out of school? more mature?

If he were as crazy about you as you are him, he would have requested that you transfer to a school near him.

There's a big gap here. 19 year old girl and 21 year old man - big gap.
Reply Thu 12 Sep, 2013 12:37 pm
On this issue "19 year old girl and 21 year old man - big gap" we are not agreement. Unless what you're saying is that the avg 19-yr-old girl is more mature than the avg 21-yr-old male.
Reply Thu 12 Sep, 2013 01:52 pm
I'm famous to myself for falling in love with younger men. Also, older men. Anyway, men. I find they vary. One of the best was 19 when I was going on 22. Quite smart, also quite wise, and fifty years later an appreciated writer. I wasn't a dumb young woman, exactly, but of the two of us, he was the teacher not just about sex, but poetry, art, nature, science, music, culture in general..

Rules about age are often quite stupid.

Of the posts responding about Kelly's question, I'll pick Roger's response.
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