i have a question plz!! Why do people choose 2 .......

Well, maybe if she weighed 300 lbs, cooked and ate constantly, collected beenie babies and longaberger baskets- they would like her too. The first woman he was going to marry fit the bill.- So I am probably a pretty hard pill to swallow.

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beebo wrote:

Well, maybe if she weighed 300 lbs, cooked and ate constantly, collected beenie babies and longaberger baskets- they would like her too. The first woman he was going to marry fit the bill.- So I am probably a pretty hard pill to swallow.

Forgive me for asking beebo, but is your husband anything like his family?

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Forgiven. In some ways. Well, he doesn't weigh 300. He went to college - not like them. He does eat constantly & seems generally obsessed with food- like them. Not collecting beenie babies or longaberger baskets- not like them. Collects coing- I guess it is like them but somehow collecting money does not seem useless to me. If anything ever happened then we could SPEND the money. He doesn't have any sense of humor- Exactly like them. More concerned with how things Look then how they Are- like them (I think this is a german trait). Hypocondirac- like them= but this is easy for me to squash. Easily expresses his feelings - not like them. they lie - he doesnt. He values education- Not like them. He always expected his wife (whoever she happened to be) to work- not like them. He is interested in parenting our child- Not like them. I could go on. In some ways he is like them and in some ways he isnt.

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I meant collects coins

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I don't know if I could put up with the 'more concerned with how things look than how they are'.
Actually, I know I couldn't; that was a big part of the end of my first marriage.

hey doglover -
what if he were in love with someone else but she wants to be 'just friends' with him?

From 'Of Human Bondage' -
'It is more important to love than to be loved'

True or false?

[Was this a statement by the character Mildred Rogers
(a narcissist) ; I don't rememeber]

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[edit]

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bromeliad wrote:

hey doglover -
what if he were in love with someone else but she wants to be 'just friends' with him?

I couldn't/wouldn't share his love with another woman. I want to be his best friend/soul mate. I would force him to choose between the two of us. Since she just wants to be friends, he would be better off choosing me...I will give him my everything...she won't.

beebo...your husband sounds like a great guy, in spite of his family. :wink: It sounds like he has his head, his heart and his priorities in the right place. Sounds like you are a pretty lucky woman to have him.

Cinnesthesia...I wouldn't say women seek another man out of boredom. I would say it's more about excitement and persuing the forbidden fruit of another.

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Well, sometimes I feel pretty luck to have him & other times I feel like murdering him.

How many people are married and do love other people but dont act on it. Like my mother and father divorced when I was 3. Both are remarried. My dad remarried the day my parent's divorce was finalized. He must have met her on the way out of the lawyers office. They have been married for 26 years. My mom and dad were only married 9 years. My mother is still head over heals in love with my dad. She has been married for 14 years - in love with another man.

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i wanna thank eveybody who posted a reply..

can i ask u this plz..cos' i am a little confused...

if a person has been unfaithful once, can u trust him once agian, or he's not to be trusted at all??

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doglover- how would you respond if your spouse was having sex with someone else?[/quote]

I honestly don't know how I would feel because, to my knowledge he never has had sex with anyone else. He tells me he hasn't and I believe him because he is very attatched to me. If he did sleep with another woman, I would rather not know. I would, however, be devistated if he fell in love with another woman and left me to be with her.

I hope I haven't given the impression that I sleep around on him all the time. I don't. We've been married for almost 18 years and there have only been a few men who I've found worthy of my attention. :wink:[/quote]

I would be interested to know if your husband is aware of your men whom you have found worthy. ? Double standards?

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Wow! Your very first post on A2K and you're asking me questions Rafecci?

I think I've already answered your first question by saying if he did sleep with another woman, I'd rather not know about it. I would be heartbroken if he ever fell in love with another woman...even if they never had sex.

As to your second question...no, he isn't aware of them. And no, I don't think it's a double standard. I love him and would never want to hurt him...but strong attractions can happen.

I don't believe in 'open' marriages, where spouses are free to sleep around undiscriminatly. I would never do that and neither would he.

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doglover, you seem to need extra attention and affirmation.

"...no, he isn't aware of them. And no, I don't think it's a double standard. I love him and would never want to hurt him...but strong attractions can happen."

That IS a double standard. Strong attractions happen? They happen to everyone, but that doesn't mean you have to act on them. If you take your marriage vows so lightly, what does that say about you as a person?

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doglover, my friend...I'm worried about you....just because certain things remain a secret doesn't make them go away...you clearly care about your husband and your marriage, but you keep the clandestine away from him, because you "don't want to hurt him." I rarely refer to scripture, but this got me thinking that you have, in fact, already hurt him in your heart, which is akin to hurting him directly. Sad

I dunno, sometimes airing this stuff out can strengthen a marriage, once the initial storm blows over, or it could also destroy it. It all depends on the strength of the individuals involved.

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Violet X wrote:

doglover, you seem to need extra attention and affirmation.

"...no, he isn't aware of them. And no, I don't think it's a double standard. I love him and would never want to hurt him...but strong attractions can happen."

That IS a double standard. Strong attractions happen? They happen to everyone, but that doesn't mean you have to act on them. If you take your marriage vows so lightly, what does that say about you as a person?

For heavens sake, I don't sleep around like mad! I don't sleep with every man I'm attracted too either!! I think I'm being misunderstood here. I don't take my marriage vows lightly, if I did, I wouldn't have the struggles I do. I think I am a good wife to him. He's very happy with me and our life together. He tends to be needful and I'm more independent, that's all.

cav...you're right. Because something is a secret doesn't make it any less real. I don't see how I have hurt him in my heart...or his. If he doesn't know anything, how can he be hurt? Confused

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Well, doglover, it's one of those ethical questions that really doesn't have an answer besides how you interperet it. I also think it's not fair for others to jump on you for something we can all relate to on some level. Wink

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doglover wrote:

bromeliad wrote:
hey doglover -
what if he were in love with someone else but she wants to be 'just friends' with him?

I couldn't/wouldn't share his love with another woman. I want to be his best friend/soul mate. I would force him to choose between the two of us. Since she just wants to be friends, he would be better off choosing me...I will give him my everything...she won't.

If he was in love with someone else, how would choosing you be better for him? Wouldn't he be settling for you as second best?

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humans are not wired for monogamy. there are very few species that mate and stay together for life-- i believe swans are one of the few.

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lethally blonde wrote:

why do people choose 2 have affairs??!!

what makes them do it??! i mean, why do some people in a stable relationships seek another man??????

Because they wanted to...That's what makes it such a bummer. Sad

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Camille wrote:

doglover wrote:
bromeliad wrote:
hey doglover -
what if he were in love with someone else but she wants to be 'just friends' with him?

I couldn't/wouldn't share his love with another woman. I want to be his best friend/soul mate. I would force him to choose between the two of us. Since she just wants to be friends, he would be better off choosing me...I will give him my everything...she won't.

If he was in love with someone else, how would choosing you be better for him? Wouldn't he be settling for you as second best?

If my husband came home and told me he was in love with someone else, I would, of course, be heartbroken. Devistated? I don't think so. As much as I love him, he isn't my whole world. I have my own life, separate from his. Tonight he's out with his friends and I'm here. Behaving myself! :wink:

Because we don't have children together I think that makes a huge difference. I would tell him to choose between her or me. I cannot make that choice for him. I would also give him a time limit. No more than a month to decide who he wants to be with. I would also warn him that if he chooses her, I will see him in court and fight for what is rightly mine, just as I know he would do with me should I ever decide to leave him to be with another man. If he did choose to stay with me in the end, I wouldn't consider myself second best. I would accept his choice at face value. As the wife, I have the edge. He loved me enough to marry me. That counts for a lot.

As a woman I know thats how I feel about him. I may have my daliances (for lack of a better word) but HE is where my life...commitment...future is. I have never met a man who I seriously would leave him for.

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i have a question plz!! Why do people choose 2 .......

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