i have a question plz!! Why do people choose 2 .......

No will power? They are horny? They aren't thinking about the consequences? They think they can get away with it? They have no sense of loyalty? Take your pick.

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Variety is the spice of life ?

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A fair is fun for the whole family. Why not have one, with clowns, and ponies, and cotton candy...midgets in bondage gear...erm, what sort of fair were we talking about?

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lethally blonde, my guess is that a person like that has extremely low self esteem.

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Thats why my ex wife had hers. She said I did not feed her ego, so she found it some where else.

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This type of person can not remain faithful - basically they have no moral code. They have the moral development of a toddler- whatever works in their best interest. They cheat because it feeds their ego. They have to feed their ego- they do not know that they have a choise not to. If you know or are involved with someone like this - distance yourself immediately.
If you are talking about someone in specific ask yourself these questions-

Does this person feel that they are entitled to special treatment? for example they feel that they shouldn't have to wait in line
Does this person have a very high opinion of themselves? this can be because they have actual achievements or can be without any actual achievements
Do you catch this person lying? little "white" lies or serious lies
Is this person very sensitive?
Do you feel emotionally drained after you are with them?
Can you talk to them for hours & then realize that you have been talking about them the whole time?

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cavfancier wrote:

what sort of fair were we talking about?

Maybe a catered affair cav. :wink:

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kickycan wrote:

No will power? They are horny? They aren't thinking about the consequences? They think they can get away with it? They have no sense of loyalty? Take your pick.

I've done it for all the reasons you listed there at one time or another, kicky.

firemanbud....I think you're onto something. In my case, I found the man's attention VERY flattering, which didn't make a bit of sense because my husband paid plenty of attention at the time. In the end, it's really all about EGO.

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You know how a whole lot of people remember that line "Play it again, Sam" from Casablanca when the actual line was "Play it, Sam?" Just to clarify, because it's a minor peeve of mine, it is 'id' that refers to an infantile, self-serving personality. 'Ego' is the growth of the mind beyond that, and 'Super-ego' the ultimate goal, whereby you are no longer tortured at all by infantile depravity and what not. How 'ego' turned into 'id' in common parlance, I will never know.

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I think promiscuity is a characteristic of a number of personality disorders, not just Narcissistic PD.

My mom has a bad case of NPD, but did not cheat. Maybe she would have if she had had more opportunity - dunno.

People of both sexes cheat, for many, many different reasons.

My question has always been:

What's worse -
to 'cheat' and just have sex, no feelings

OR

to not have sex, but be in love with someone else (dote on them, respect them, always be there for them, and not necessarily do the same for your significant other).

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bromeliad wrote:

My question has always been:

What's worse -
to 'cheat' and just have sex, no feelings

OR

to not have sex, but be in love with someone else (dote on them, respect them, always be there for them, and not necessarily do the same for your significant other).

I think it's much worse to fall in love with someone else yet stay married to your spouse. Your relationship is certain to suffer either in very small ways or obvious ways. I would be crushed if my husband fell in love with another woman.

My heart belongs to my husband...HE is the love of my life. I have no desire nor do I need to seek love from another man.

I don't have a problem with cheating if it's just sex. Sex is a biological need/urge just like eating and sleeping are. I don't think it's proper to sleep around with everbody either, but once in a while if someone comes along that you find very attractive, go for it as long as both people are aware of the risks and limitations.

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doglover has a bit of a more liberal attitude towards cheating just for sex than I do. I figure, if you can't control those 'biological urges' then just don't bother being commited to anyone. There's nothing wrong with that either, and nobody gets hurt.

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Love is not a feeling. Love is an act. Passion- that is a feeling & basically it is hormonal. Love--- You are attracted (hormones) to someone else but do not act on it because you love your partner. Love is work, often very hard work.

Quote:

once in a while if someone comes along that you find very attractive, go for it as long as both people are aware of the risks and limitations

Is the other person aware of the "risks" you are putting them under? And don't you really think they have a right to make that decision for themselves. ---- The majority of the people taking these "risks" do so without protection (condoms). That is a pretty serious risk for someone else to make with my life.

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beebo wrote:

Is the other person aware of the "risks" you are putting them under? And don't you really think they have a right to make that decision for themselves. ---- The majority of the people taking these "risks" do so without protection (condoms). That is a pretty serious risk for someone else to make with my life.

Both people (involved in the tryst) MUST be aware of the risks, not just the physcial risk's (aids, std's, pregnancy...which CAN all be prevented) but the 'risk' of letting lustful/passionate feelings become emotional/attatchment/love which is extremely dangerous.

As for a spouse being put at risk, I really don't see how they are if you use protection and are selective about who you have sex with.

cav...I understand your point of view. But, some people like the security, stability and true love marriage/committed relationship provides. Being married is the most wonderful thing in the world.

I guess some of us want to have our cake and eat it too.

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doglover, I am married, and I love it! Maybe that's why I frowned upon your statement. Wink

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Quote:

As for a spouse being put at risk, I really don't see how they are if you use protection and are selective about who you have sex with.

I think that they should be the judge of that.

doglover- how would you respond if your spouse was having sex with someone else?

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beebo wrote:

Quote:
As for a spouse being put at risk, I really don't see how they are if you use protection and are selective about who you have sex with.

I think that they should be the judge of that.

doglover- how would you respond if your spouse was having sex with someone else?

I honestly don't know how I would feel because, to my knowledge he never has had sex with anyone else. He tells me he hasn't and I believe him because he is very attatched to me. If he did sleep with another woman, I would rather not know. I would, however, be devistated if he fell in love with another woman and left me to be with her.

I hope I haven't given the impression that I sleep around on him all the time. I don't. We've been married for almost 18 years and there have only been a few men who I've found worthy of my attention. :wink:

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If my husband slept with anyone else I would leave him. They could have him & I would encourage them to live with him. I think that would be punnishment enough for the woman.

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beebo wrote:

If my husband slept with anyone else I would leave him. They could have him & I would encourage them to live with him. I think that would be punnishment enough for the woman.

LOL beebo. Don't forget...look at the family she's marrying into!

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i have a question plz!! Why do people choose 2 .......

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