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I've been thinking about cheating on my bf :(

 
 
Reply Mon 2 Sep, 2013 06:08 am
Hi everyone,
As you read in the title I'm not in a good situation right now. Lately, I've been thinking about cheating on my boyfriend, who's very loving. The thing is, since December 2012, we knew he was going to leave the country and had to spent 4 months somewhere else due to work reasons. He left on Friday. We are both 21, we have been together 2 years. I honestly don't know why I'm having these thoughts. I always think that you should treat others as you hope others treat you. That's why I'm so confused. Also, a dear friend of mine is visiting for a couple of days, and I have always feel attracted to him, but had done nothing because since I left my country (3years ago) I guess all those feelings seemed stupid to keep. I'm afraid I could cheat on my bf during those days... I feel so bad even writing it because is like I'm willing to do it, but I wish I didn't. What should I do? I feel like I'm in a happy relationship, I care about him but these thoughts don't make it seem like that at all.


(Sorry about any mistake, English is not my first language).
 
JPB
 
  3  
Reply Mon 2 Sep, 2013 06:15 am
@Marymary000,
How did you leave it with your bf before he left? Is this (not the specific situation, but the general one) anything you discussed with him? What are his expectations of how you're going to be spending your time for the next four months? What are your expectations of how he'll be spending his? Did the two of you talk about this at all?
Marymary000
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Sep, 2013 10:42 am
@JPB,
Hi, thank you so much for your reply. Well, we had some pretty though times the last couple of weeks, maybe because neither of us wanted to be apart from each other for 4 months. However, we both agreed in being faithful, keep in touch as much as we can, he promised not to cheat on me, and so did I. I know he'll be working most of the time, but since he's back to his hometown, I also expect him to hang out with high-school friends and family. I believe we were really clear about all that and I trust him but it really makes me feel bad that I'm having these thoughts.
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Mon 2 Sep, 2013 10:58 am
@Marymary000,
Thoughts never hurt a relationship. Think all you want. You gave your word to your bf that you'd be faithful/exclusive so be/do that. If you find yourself not satisfied with the long distance relationship (it will go by quickly enough) then break it off BEFORE you get involved with someone else. Keep your word and you'll be fine. Don't worry so much about the thoughts running through your head. How long is the old flame in town for? If it's really only for a couple days then it shouldn't be too hard to stay true to your word.
0 Replies
 
gungasnake
 
  2  
Reply Mon 2 Sep, 2013 11:14 am
@Marymary000,
Worrying about the morality of it would have been the main factor in 1958.

In the world of 2013 in which one in every three or four people you come across has some sort of VD or other, the basic idea is to see how FEW people you can end up doing it with, and not how many.

Unless there is some reason to want to break the thing up altogether, what you want to be doing is learning to play golf, shoot skeets, catch fish or something like that until the BF gets back, and forget about who else you might be dating.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Sep, 2013 02:00 am
@Marymary000,
Errr...are you wondering why you are horny?
0 Replies
 
vonny
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Sep, 2013 02:29 am
@Marymary000,
If this is your first real relationship, then it might be that this is the first chance you've had in two years to break free a little - test the waters, one might say.

You say you've been 'thinking' about cheating on your boyfriend - is this just you, daydreaming a bit to fill in the lonely hours whilst he's away, or do you really want to have a relationship with someone else? I think you probably do know the answer to that, but you are testing the depth of your feelings by putting your thoughts into writing?

You say you still have feelings for a 'dear friend', but that your friendship with him never came to anything because you left your country. It might be that you need to resolve this unfinished issue before you can be clear about your feelings for your current boyfriend.

I hope you can work things out.
0 Replies
 
philly78
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Sep, 2013 09:45 am
@Marymary000,
Let me warn you as I have recent and extensive experience in this. I am married with kids, which is the difference here, but the thoughts of cheating is the same. I felt it for a long long time. My husband was pretty much emotionally and physically removed for about 3 years due an opiate addiction. Now he's clean, but I still was left with a void and lets just say I was extremely horny all the time since I wasn't getting any sex from him. So anyway, I met a much, much younger man (I'm 35, he's 24) and it wasn't even difficult. I told him my situation and he was more than willing to satisfy my needs and his by agreeing to a strictly sexual relationship, no strings attached, no personal lives being brought into it. So anyway...I did it. I cheated. Twice. Sex was good, not amazing and now we aren't speaking because we did let emotions get in the way and I'm left with dealing with guilt from cheating and an emotional scar from this 24 yr old boy. Don't do it, you're really only setting yourself up for one hell of a rollercoaster ride of emotions that you will not know what to deal with. I feel pathetic and dirty and sad.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Sep, 2013 11:26 am
She has not defined "cheating."

Let's not assume she means sexually.

It may be as simple as going out for dinner with another male.

Jane273
 
  0  
Reply Mon 11 Nov, 2013 12:38 pm
@PUNKEY,
I think if you want cheating you should think about it twice, to not regret about it later, as i did
0 Replies
 
George29
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Dec, 2013 02:36 pm
@Marymary000,
I don't even need to read your post to tell you DON'T, don't cheat because when you cheat on someone you are also cheating on yourself. Be honest, if you can't approach your BF just leave him, you will both be better off in the short and long term. Good luck.
0 Replies
 
Jameshardie
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Jan, 2014 04:04 pm
@marry
From a males prospective I can relate to this as I work a lot and have to leave town for a few weeks at a time sometimes more but in the past have came home from the trip two days early to find my ex I. Bed with another man , was not pleasant , and now with the woman I'm with now find out from other people men have been stoping by. Just saying working away from the family or what have you is hard enough as it is leaving your loved one at home knowing you can't be there physically mentally and emotionally for her worrying if she's doing ok and men will always have the fear of another man playing his role at home if you love him give him the respect that he gives you wait untill he is home be honest and faithful then go on with your life . That's what I would want at least . Hope that helps
James.
0 Replies
 
secondusername
 
  0  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 12:33 am
@Marymary000,
Quote:
I've been thinking about cheating on my bf Sad


Shame on you.
0 Replies
 
 

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