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I'm all alone...my mums just died

 
 
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 01:44 pm
My mum has just died of cancer and I don't know what to do? My dad isn't around a lot because they got divorced when I was five and I only see him every few months. I don't have any close family who lives near me, I'm starting school in a few days and I just can't go there because I will only cry and besides why should I? My mum only go diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and she hadn't had it long so they said she would be fine, the doctor said she would be back to normal soon and there was nothing to worry about, but obviously he was wrong. She was only 52, she was too young to die, she can't leave me, she's all I've got and now, I'm all alone! Please, somebody help me. I'm scared
 
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 01:53 pm
@sophie2001,
Where do you live, sophie? I don't mean exactly, but are you in the US, the UK, or somewhere else? We may be able to help you find some resources for support if we have some idea where to start looking.

Did your mum have any close friends? Do you have any close friends? Is there someone you can stay with for a few days while you sort out the decision on going back to school? Speaking of school, is there a counseling center at the school you can contact?
sophie2001
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 02:04 pm
@JPB,
I live in the uk, My mum was really close to this woman who I've met a few times and she is always nice to me, but I can't get hold of her. After I found out my mum was dead( a few hours ago) I locked the door and started crying, screaming and I just had a break down. I can't stop crying. I've been trying to get hold of my dad, aunt, cousins ect but I can't get hold of anyone.
There isn't a counselling centre at my school, I wouldn't talk to anyone like that anyway I don't think. I don't want the social services to come, I couldn't bare it! I will keep trying to contact somebody
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 02:23 pm
@sophie2001,
you said this in another earlier post:

Quote:
"I live in Wales but I Want to move to England. I've asked my mum if I can but she says no and then I ask my dad and he says if if he had the money ( my mum and dad are divorced so I live with them both) ..."


Perhaps it's time for your Dad to step up and take responsibility for your care. There's a lot missing here for information. How old are you? I get the sense you are around 12, in which case..authorities won't allow you to live alone. What is the full story?
sophie2001
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 02:25 pm
@Ragman,
I'm 12, sorry for not giving much information
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 02:33 pm
Well, Sophie, first of all I'm really sorry your mum has died (and so recently) and that you're all alone and don't have anyone to talk to or hug you. Of course you were screaming and crying - you are distraught, and naturally so.

You're so young, and you will have to live with your dad or another relative for several years. Maybe she provided care for you in her will. Until then, you will have to contact your father as he is your other natural guardian.

I really think you should talk to someone about what's happened, and you cannot or should not be alone right now.

Please keep us posted.
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 02:37 pm
@sophie2001,
Sophie...very sorry for your loss. These are very trying times. I hope you get help from the community ...I can't believe that support is not going to be there if you seek it out. I think your Dad is already planning to take care of you. a 12-yr-old child will not and should not be on her own.

When you get a chance, pls tell us about how dad's plans are for care-taking and time that he is spending with you now.
0 Replies
 
sophie2001
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 02:43 pm
@Mame,
I've gotten hold of my mums friend and she is on her way but she lives about 25 minuets away, I've left a message on my dad answer phone a few times but still no answer. I'm not sure what to do. My dad normally works away and I don't have a number for his workplace on the other side of the country. I don't know what else is needed to know but ask if there is

JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 03:00 pm
@sophie2001,
I'm glad your mum's friend is on her way to be with you. If your mother had cancer then it's likely that she made arrangements for your care if she didn't survive. I will take a few days for all the papers and processes to get sorted out. Hopefully you'll get some information soon on what plans have been put in place for your care.
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 03:03 pm
@JPB,
I can only imagine how sad and scary all of this is for you. Keep talking/typing until your mum's friend arrives.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 03:06 pm
@sophie2001,
Also, I might be wrong...but...your school should know how to reach your Dad at his job.

I think your family friend should be able to help you sort all of this out.

sophie2001
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 03:12 pm
@Ragman,
My mums friend has arrived now with her daughter who is one of my friends. She came in to the house and gave me a big hug and said " I'm so sorry".
For a fact, I know that the school don't have my dads work away number because I was with my mum when she filled out the papers. I've lost my aunt recently too, she does of secondary cancer so I guess it runs in the family. I really hope my dad comes to get my soon because I miss him and really need him!
sophie2001
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 03:20 pm
@sophie2001,
Every time I think of my mum, I feel weak inside and I feel like my hearts broken to peices. If you've ever lost anyone close to you, you will know how I feel. Every word I write, its hard to even write it. A tear come out of my eyes and I feel terrible. The last time I talked to my mum I couldve been nicer or said I love you once more but now I feel guilty because I wish that was the last thing I said to her but it wasnt.
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 03:22 pm
@sophie2001,
Don't fret over the things you didn't say. She knows you love her and your guilt isn't necessary.

Is your mum's friend going to stay with you? Is she suggesting you go stay with her?
sophie2001
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 03:29 pm
@JPB,
She's taking me to her place to stay but I don't want to leave. But I know I will just feel worse if I'm at home. I don't think I can ever forgive that doctor who said she would be fine, they could've done something, she was due into theatre soon but why didn't they do it sooner. She didn't deserve to die! I'm leaving the house now with a bag. Will I be made to go back to school on Tuesday ( that's the day we go back after summer)? I don't think I could face everyone.
Izzie
 
  5  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 03:40 pm
@sophie2001,
Hi Sophie

I'm so sorry about your Mom.

Go with your friend and her Mom now and try and rest, try and get some sleep. Don't worry about school - you won't need to go on Tuesday whilst you are staying with your Mom's friend and that there is someone there who can take care of you during the day. I would imagine that, if she can look after you until the police can contact your Dad, that you will be able to stay with her for a little while if you have no immediate relatives in your area.

What's most important at the moment is you go with your friend and be safe in their house and you must try and get some sleep- I know it won't be easy to sleep, but do try and rest. Don't think about school at the moment.

Your school can be notified by the family that you are going to tonight and the police will be able to get hold of your Dad. The lady you're with can probably get that sorted out for you.

You mustn't be alone, OK. You must go and stay with your friend now. Go now Sophie and talk to us if and when you can. Please stay safe and stay with this family until they are able to get hold of your Dad.

Again, I'm very sorry for what's happening to you and for the loss of your Mom.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 04:01 pm
@Izzie,
well said. Listen to Izzie's wise advice. My heart goes out to you.
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FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 04:07 pm
@sophie2001,
My thoughts are with you Sophie. You cry as much as you want, and let your Mum's friend hug you and hold you.

You Dad will call you soon and come and see you.. Be strong sweet...
sophie2001
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Sep, 2013 04:23 am
@FOUND SOUL,
I keep going to tell her something funny or something but then I realise she isn't there, she gone forever...I'm not sure how I feel, I feel confused more than anything?!
I still haven't heard from my dad, he usually rings me a few times a week but he hasn't ringed yet. I hope he got my messages and is on his way, I really need him now.
I feel so terrible, I can't eat anything, I can't have fun, I can't do anything, nothing helps. I keep thinking of all the good times we had together, laughing and having loads of fun but now I don't think I can ever feel like that again...
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Mon 2 Sep, 2013 05:57 am
@sophie2001,
I know you feel terrible, sophie. It IS terrible! I also know that you can't see a way forward yet. That will come in time. So will the ability to laugh and have fun. There are too many unknowns right now about your immediate future, as well as the overwhelming grief of losing your mum. Don't have too many expectations of yourself right now. Everything will get sorted in time.

I hope you hear from your dad today.
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