Don't think I don't know it, sister. Most of us have been exactly where you are.
Or close enough to relate, anyway.
Nobody said it was easy. It isn't. Given the choice of physical pain or emotional pain, I would pick physical pain every time. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick. Fortunately, this kind of pain doesn't last forever. Get some rest, dear Camille. And don't make any major decisions right now. Give yourself the gift of time.
Time seems like an eternity and a prison.
I know, but it isn't.
Time is the Great Healer.
ehBeth wrote:I've moved to places I didn't know anyone a few times. I didn't make any particular effort to meet people. I met neighbours, people at work, people at school, people while I was out walking, people at the pool, people at the grocery and corner stores. Some of them became good, lasting friends.
Yuppers, me too. Been in that situtation myself. It's like trying to find a bf/gf, you just meet people when you're not really trying too.
hey doglover, what is that supposed to mean.. We are hokey?
*hmph*
What gives people that impression?
Sincerely,
Soserene-Cow Tipper Extraordinaire
Camille, this is all so hard. Hang on to yourself.
I know you know to do that already, that was just a pep-sentence.
Keep talking, to yourself and us as things work out or don't.
Camille, sweets, I know where you are, it is not all so long ago for me. I was 53.
Trying to remember what the hell I did. Well, I did scream when crying. Luckily, both of my neighbors were cool people. In fact I just heard from one of them yesterday, he has a new company/website. In fact, he and she broke up...
not to equate a large part of your life with my neighbor's break up. My own relationship with my hub was over decades.
You are a well developed person, you aren't only alive by virtue of this relationship, you were you within it.
I went for walks and wailed on the walks. Long walks, as in seven miles or so at a time.. lucky again for me, we, uh, I, lived about a mile from a beach. I should do that now and lose the pudge.
I wailed again later, when I left my/our house, don't get me started. I screamed. I am not a screamer, don't even know how to scream, so let's say I hollared..... in the car driving up Lincoln Boulevard to a girlfriend's who had a whole dinner arranged and didn't want to hear complaining (everything will be all right, and damn, she is a therapist). Luckily, I had just screamed for two miles or I might have struck her with her coquille st. jacques.
Feel free to pm me, camille, I am here.
Oh, and yeah, I moved to a new city, far far away. Lots of pros and cons on that.
ossobuco wrote:I went for walks and wailed on the walks. Long walks, as in seven miles or so at a time.. lucky again for me, we, uh, I, lived about a mile from a beach. I should do that now and lose the pudge.
I wailed again later, when I left my/our house, don't get me started. I screamed. I am not a screamer, don't even know how to scream, so let's say I hollared..... in the car driving up Lincoln Boulevard to a girlfriend's who had a whole dinner arranged and didn't want to hear complaining (everything will be all right, and damn, she is a therapist). Luckily, I had just screamed for two miles or I might have struck her with her coquille st. jacques.
Feel free to pm me, camille, I am here.
I'm taking a casino bus to Atlantic City tomorrow for a trade show. I expect I will do a lot of that looking out at the ocean stuff while I am there, try to find some comfort.
ossobuco wrote:Oh, and yeah, I moved to a new city, far far away. Lots of pros and cons on that.
want to share them? I keep thinking no matter how far I go, I can't get away from me and my feelings and grief.
Well, that is surely true. I moved for financial reasons.
It's true I might have moved earlier, in the natural way of things, as we/I had stayed in LA because hub's mother was there, and the movie industry is there, and so on, when I was attracted myself to northern california. But not quite this north... that happenedd because I had a friend up here I could go into business with. Given a bit more money and thought I wouldn't have moved this up... and the business partner and her husband wouldn't have either..
Although ------ I now identify with it up here, and and the circle moves around... or something like that.
ossobuco wrote:Well, that is surely true. I moved for financial reasons.
It's true I might have moved earlier, in the natural way of things, as we/I had stayed in LA because hub's mother was there, and the movie industry is there, and so on, when I was attracted myself to northern california. But not quite this north... that happenedd because I had a friend up here I could go into business with. Given a bit more money and thought I wouldn't have moved this up... and the business partner and her husband wouldn't have either..
Although ------ I now identify with it up here, and and the circle moves around... or something like that.
What part of California are you in? Most of my friends are in Woodland Hills and Canyon Country near LA. I really don't like the area they are in that much because of the congestion, noise, and so forth.
I was born in LA in late '41 (yah, I'm older, but trust me, I'm the same), lived elsewhere for years as a child, including NYC and Chicago, settling back and living in the west LA area until the very end of 1998.
I live near the Oregon border, in a Victorian seaport town, Eureka. I like it here a lot; it took me about a year to not feel like a stranger in a strange world...my world just got larger. My emotional ties are all down south, but for my business partner and her husband, who are of course here. But... as one ages, friends move. I have lifetime friends who left LA and moved to North Dakota and Wyoming and one in Tennessee from Chicago, and online friends who I regard seriously, and they range from Canada to Buenos Aires and Ireland.
Still, the thicket of my associations for decades is in LA. But they are at a cusp... soon people will be retiring and not be any longer at the university, or in city planning, etc. More buddies will move out of town.
And, I bet, if I had to leave my new home town, I might rally against doing that. I really do feel right here, even if it is a late choice.
I think moving could be sensible for you, but you can sense that being true or not better than we could. And where you move to matters.
Moving to a new place and meeting people is never easy in the begining. I moved to a new city from Boston fairly recently and i'm in the process of trying to meet new people now that i've made myself a bit familiar with parts of the city. So I can imagine what you might be going through.
There has been a lot of good advice from people here already. I can only add (and risk repeating) that getting involved in activities, whatever type you feel comfortable with, is one fun way of meeting people. It would help you in building new memories and keeping you occupied and to me that is an important part of moving on with your life. Atleast, thats what i'm in the process of doing.
Hope it helps.
How about the gym? You can meet lots of people there, especially in classes (if you do attend any). Joining a dance class would also be good. Check out events in your neighborhood/city that you could attend. That is how I meet people.
