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Best way to ask for forgiveness and repair trust in a relationship.

 
 
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2013 04:37 pm
I hope someone on here can help me. This is a great supportive community. I am a male, did not cheat on my gf. She is a singer and in a band. I went behind her back and told her band manager that she was gonna get a deal and the band was being left out. I told him about her father sorta having meeting with peeps and how the manager and the band were not part of the plan. I told him in an anonymous e-mail whats up and he sent it to the father, and they figured out it was me. I feel really bad, and honestly dont know what I was thinking. I feel pretty stupid. I hurt her, and her family. Really just messed up.

Now I have been with my gf for 5 years, moved in together 1.2 years ago, and I love her very much. Very very much. I did this, and betrayed her trust, and she left the apartment, back with her parents, and we are to meet today after 1 week to determine where to go from here. At least that's what I think the meeting is for. I care about her and I know I hurt her, and have really affected the trust that we have. I just want to know if anyone has any advice going forward and if they think that I can rebuild trust. I am not sure if she wants to end our relationship, and go our separate ways or if she wants to take time off, or give each other space, be friends. Omg its very nerve wrecking. Anyway, what do you guys recommend as the best way to tell her I am sorry. I already talked to her father and he accepted my apology. She has not talked to me, and rejected my calls the first day so I just gave her space. I care about this person, and I want a future with her, and her family. Anyone been through anything like this?
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,527 • Replies: 8
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neologist
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2013 05:22 pm
@carlosc2dbz,
The first thing that comes to my mind is you can't demand forgiveness, you have to (for lack of any better word) beg for it. Don't try to pass blame to anyone but yourself. Probably others will have suggestions. Good luck.
carlosc2dbz
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2013 05:54 pm
@neologist,
You are right, I am only blaming myself for what has occurred. I will not give blame to anyone else for my actions. I do not know what I deserve, I cannot demand to be forgiveness, but hope that the part of her that loves me, wants to allow me to learn from this, allow me to grow from this, and become a better boyfriend to her.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2013 06:00 pm
@carlosc2dbz,
carlosc2dbz wrote:
honestly dont know what I was thinking.


before you meet with her, you need to have an answer to this - at least for yourself


remember Punkey's advice here

http://able2know.org/topic/217793-1#post-5380981

I don't always/often agree with Punkey but that was spot on.

You seem to not have a good sense of when to stay out of other people's business.


What are you going to do to prove she can trust you? Not what are you going to say. What are you going to do?
carlosc2dbz
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2013 06:57 pm
@ehBeth,
gasp, that is why I am reaching out to you guys, because honestly, I am not thinking correctly at this point. Thank you so much for this point. What am I going to do to prove it? You are so right.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Aug, 2013 06:40 am
@carlosc2dbz,
You need to ask yourself WHY you would spill the beans about your GF's career plans.

From this post and your past post, I am picking up some desire for you to one-up her father - or a desire to be included on private family business. She has a bond with her father that is greater than between you and her.

This will probably blow over, but you have lost all trust with both the girl AND the family. Step back and accept this - or move on and find a girl who makes you the primary confidante in the relationship. Right now, her father and her career are her primary focus.
carlosc2dbz
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Aug, 2013 03:31 am
@PUNKEY,
yeah, you are right probably. She is a good hearted person, and is always trying to do what is right. Her relationship with her father, is good and bad, but he is her father and I must respect that. At this point, it is too late I guess. As far as family business, there is none expect that of my gf having an amazing voice and having a stage father come in and out of picture. I am gonna ask another question so be on the look out.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Aug, 2013 06:29 am
@carlosc2dbz,
carlosc2dbz wrote:
As far as family business,


by family business, Punkey seems to be talking about family matters - things to do with their family - not a family company

you are being told to stay out of things to do with their family
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Aug, 2013 08:03 am
If this girl does have an amazing voice, the father may be taking the role of her manager.

Can't you two talk about the future? What are her career plans? What are yours? What role does her father have in all this? You say she's "good hearted" - does that mean she tries to please everyone, especially her own family?

Yes, I meant family relationship when I said "family business" - BUT it does sound more and more like this girl has a musical career ahead of her that could become a real "family business".
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