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Tue 9 Jul, 2013 07:37 pm
So I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years. We are in our mid 20s. We live together and share my car. She picked me up from work and decided to get a bite to eat at a local burger place. During the conversation she was like, "oh my dad sent me a list of cars that he is thinking of buying for me." We were looking at the cars and having a good time. And I said, "I am gonna call him and thank him for doing this." Wrong thing to say. Her attitude changed immediately. She was all like, "why would you do something like that, you dont even talk to my dad, you never call him, I am not your property, I am trying to be more independent and if you thank him its like your saying you own me."
At this point I am like....wow....wtf. Ok, I said look, if someone does something nice for the person I love I am going to thank them, what is wrong with that. She replies, "He is not just anyone! if someone not important to me does it, ok I get it, but its my dad come on dude." I am still like wtf... is this really happening? I said "look if I bought you a car, do you think that it would be innapropriate for your dad to that me for doing that for you. " I think she said it would be fine for him to thank me. I just wanted to know peoples thoughts on this were.
@carlosc2dbz,
She is being sensitive. You can understand how some things push your buttons. this one was the one for her.
My advice is to suck it up and say you're sorry. Recognize that his role is a bit different one as her dad has lifelong commitment to her. You're
only the
boyfriend. You'll understand this a bit better in time but in the meanwhile tell her you didn't mean to minimize her. You'll have to understand that at the moment there's a lot of providing for her going on. She's having an emotional reaction.
@carlosc2dbz,
carlosc2dbz wrote:
We live together and share my car.
"oh my dad sent me a list of cars that he is thinking of buying for me."
seems like she thinks it's ok to share your car but she doesn't want to share her new car with you
it's one of those relationship weirdnesses that has to be worked through
@ehBeth,
It is just strange to me simply because I am very grateful and honestly wanted to thank him. I was really taken back by this comment. It was interesting, looking back, we went to a kareoke bar and she sang. Her father, my gf and I were at a table and a man comes up and says, "you were just such an amazing singer, congratulations." My gf was like thank you. And then the father was like "thank you." She did not get mad at him for thanking someone for complementing her. It is just weird to me. I have never experienced this. She is 24. We have been sharing a car for about 1.3 years. I don't mind, cuz I feel like we are a team and we help each other.
Can someone at least tell me if it is disrespectful to thank someones father for doing something for their daughter.
@carlosc2dbz,
Yes, it is.
I see no connection to the karaoke story. This is not a parallel scenario.
@carlosc2dbz,
Well, it can be seen as disrespectful, but I could see too how it comes about from good manners.
Still - it's given specifically to her, not the two of you as a couple, so 'thank you' from you is not entirely appropriate.
"I appreciate you helping her gain a bit more independence with the wheels you gave her' might have been more appropriate - but I wouldn't try that one now.
@vikorr,
Yeah maybe your right, the Kareoke thing was out of place. I was just giving an example of how he said thank you to someone for giving his daughter a compliment.
The I appreciate idea is really good. I had not thought of that one, because truth is, I am more appreciative than I am thankful to him. Im glad I posted.
@carlosc2dbz,
carlosc2dbz wrote:
It is just strange to me simply because I am very grateful and honestly wanted to thank him.
thank him for what? he's not doing anything for you.
your girlfriend has indicated that this is something for HER independence.
Quote:We have been sharing a car for about 1.3 years. I don't mind, cuz I feel like we are a team and we help each other.
Her new car is not a car for the team.
Quote:Can someone at least tell me if it is disrespectful to thank someones father for doing something for their daughter.
Not disrespectful - just weird.
You might comment to acknowledge it - hey, I heard you're thinking of getting X a car. That's great for her.
@carlosc2dbz,
carlosc2dbz wrote:The I appreciate idea is really good. I had not thought of that one, because truth is, I am more appreciative than I am thankful to him. Im glad I posted.
vikorr is not recommending that you use the appreciation approach
I guess I would have waited until the car was purchased and THEN thanked him by saying, "Gee thanks, Bill, this takes a lot of pressure off both of us trying to share a car. It really helps us out."
Until then, stay out of her business with her dad.
@ehBeth,
Your probably right I need to look at this from a different angle. He is not doing it for me. I just wanted to thank someone for doing something nice for someone I love. The car wont be for the team but I am still greatful. I guess I just have to not be weird. I do feel really awkward around him.
@PUNKEY,
I really like this idea so much!! You are so wise.
It is a perfect comment. It's humble and still able to thank him without being weird and can still add a component of it helping both me and my gf.
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