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Is almost 5 years old too old to be wearing diapers?

 
 
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 12:35 pm
A child I know is still wearing diapers and pooping CONSTANTLY in them, like 7 or 8 times a day. His 5th birthday is 3 months away. He refuses to poop on the potty. His mother says it's normal. Is that normal?
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Type: Question • Score: 8 • Views: 13,591 • Replies: 28
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View best answer, chosen by soundsighted
contrex
 
  3  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 12:41 pm
Both my kids were out of diapers before they were 4, but with this kid perhaps there are underlying issues - there may be medical or developmental issues that you are not aware of, and which the mother may not feel like telling you about, as is her right. If they are worn just at night that is not too unusual at that age, but the important point is that every mother has their own way of bringing up their kids and if you push it she probably won't thank you for poking your nose in.


soundsighted
 
  1  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 12:45 pm
@contrex,
Yeah exactly, she tells me I don't know how to parent. But she is a relation and I want the best for all involved. No medical issues, but she feeds him candy all the time, which I've also asked about and gotten the same 'buzz off' response. I just don't think that's teaching healthy habits, and letting the kid wear diapers isn't teaching him how uncomfortable sitting in your poopy underpants feels.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  3  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:01 pm
Five years old is about the age when most kids are starting kindergarten. I'm sure his classmates will regard him or her as somewhat "special". How that will affect his future developement is anybody's guess.
soundsighted
 
  1  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:02 pm
@roger,
That's what I'm worried about!!! Also he screams louder than the fires of hell when he's getting his diapers changed. I'm worried about it.
BillRM
 
  0  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:17 pm
@soundsighted,
Quote:
he screams louder than the fires of hell when he's getting his diapers changed. I'm worried about it.


Could there be some medical problem?
soundsighted
 
  2  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:19 pm
@BillRM,
No medical problems besides a sore butt/diaper rash. He just doesn't like being changed.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:21 pm
@soundsighted,
Will he be allowed to start school while still using diapers? it's not permitted here unless there is a well-documented reason.
soundsighted
 
  1  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:22 pm
@BillRM,
he also screams bloody murder when they try to get him to sit on the potty, or when he doesn't get chocolate ice cream for dinner (he has chocolate ice almost ever day at least twice.)
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  4  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:22 pm
@soundsighted,
I think the kid needs professional help, and this sounds like more than a medical problem. However, you have done about all you can do.
soundsighted
 
  1  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:23 pm
@ehBeth,
I don't know. I just don't want him to get teased.
0 Replies
 
soundsighted
 
  1  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:28 pm
@roger,
I want to help him! I don't think I can call child services about this though, but I don't think it's healthy for the child.
contrex
 
  2  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:39 pm
@soundsighted,
soundsighted wrote:

I don't think it's healthy for the child.


I agree 100%. You hear of kids wearing diapers at 8, 11 or even 14, but in those situations there are developmental/mental health/parenting issues that need professional help. It may turn out that way, possibly.
glitterbag
 
  4  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:40 pm
@soundsighted,
He really needs to be seen by a doctor. Sometimes other things are at play, there could be trouble between the parents, or parents are spineless when it comes to teaching him how to adapt. He may see this as a way to exert power (I know that sounds nuts, but maybe that's the only thing he can do to successfully control his mother or father). He could be high functioning autistic or he has a terrible diet. I love my sister-in-law but she allowed her oldest to eat only peanut butter sandwiches, hot dogs and chicken nuggets. Mainly because he could outlast her by being stubborn. I always figured if they get hungry enough they will eat what you give them. He also wore diapers until he was 5 and put up a fight every time his diaper was changed. He may be dealing with aspbergers, but not like "rain man". My brother left his family when the oldest was 7 and the younger was 4, he was pretty hands off helping raise the older children. First wife moved to Texas, brother remarried, had twin boy and girl with second wife and both the 11 year olds are a mess. I keep in touch with SIL in Texas, nephews come to visit every so often even though they have completely broken ties with their Dad. (Very long story). Remarkably, SIL managed to be more successful with the boys when my brother was out of the picture than when he was around.

I've taken the long winded way to say, this child's problem could be a reaction to any number of things and also could be a medical condition called encopresis. I hope your family finds a solution for a very difficult problem. I encourage you to be patient and supportive. This child deserves a even playing field. I truly wish you well.
soundsighted
 
  1  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 01:52 pm
@glitterbag,
Oh I worry so much about autism and stuff like that. The kid is smart. He deserves a chance in life. But like you were mentioning he outlasts her and doesn't eat solid food. But it's more than that, she bribes him with junk food and she also eats a lot of chocolate her self. I told her once that chocolate wasn't a food group and she chewed my head off. He seriously eats candy, chocolate, ice cream, and more candy EVERY day, MULTIPLE times a day. I can't do anything a bout it because he's not my kid, but I also don't want him to become diabetic or obese.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 02:13 pm
@soundsighted,
My brothers second wife loves candy and before my niece even got her second teeth she had nine cavities in her baby teeth. I don't understand why parents give up so easily. It's their job and duty to raise healthy children who will be able to deal with the world when they get to be adults.
0 Replies
 
gungasnake
 
  3  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 03:01 pm
@soundsighted,
Quote:
Is almost 5 years old too old to be wearing diapers?


Yes. Unless there is some sort of major medical issue in play, this kids parents need to have some sort of a riot act read to them.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 04:19 pm
@soundsighted,
I really think the best thing for you to do is to disassociate yourself from this family. There's really not much left.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  -1  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 04:25 pm
@soundsighted,
If you suspect abuse or neglect, then call child services.

If it bothers you to the point you don't want to be around the family, then that's your prerogative.

Otherwise, it sounds to me as if the parent is being amazingly generous by not telling you to shut up and **** off.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  3  
Sat 10 Aug, 2013 06:00 pm
I really don't think it's 'normal' for 5 yr olds to be wearing diapers, but the school will likely deal with that issue. You are concerned, which is great, but it really is none of your business and I think you should stop mentioning things to his mother since she's told you several times to butt out. Why don't you butt out? Sure, you're concerned, but he's not being abused. He's being over-indulged. It sounds like he runs the house.
 

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