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He’s going to have two daddies

 
 
jcboy
 
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 06:50 pm
I’m going to be a step daddy. My boyfriend will be moving in with me after Labor Day. He has custody of his five-year-old son. He is such a smart little boy, only five and speaks English and Spanish. I love his father to death and I know everything will be fine but I can’t help but feel terrified about being a step daddy.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 41 • Views: 67,577 • Replies: 1,092

 
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 06:53 pm
@jcboy,
First, congrats!

Second, your fear is understandable. I was nervous about becoming pregnant, nervous while I was pregnant, nervous about childbirth, and astounded that they let me go home with that little tiny baby (I felt completely clueless). But we figured it out (mostly).

Do you have any experience with kids? How well do you know this kid? (How long have you been with his dad?)
jcboy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:03 pm
@sozobe,
I have no experience with kids at all! This is the first time I’ve ever been around a child; I don’t even have nieces or nephews. I met his father last January and I love him to death. I have spent a lot of time with the two of them and we get along great but still the thought scares me to death.
boomerang
 
  4  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:04 pm
@jcboy,
Bonus dad!

Congratulations. Kids are scary but 5 year olds rock. That's my absolute favorite age.
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edgarblythe
 
  4  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:17 pm
I raised four children, feeling inadequate the whole while. I still wonder that they turned out as well as they did.
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ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:17 pm
Congrats to the three of you. I think this is all a good thing.

I'm no expert on kids. I was an only child, sometimes rather isolated, my parents moving a lot, or no other kids around, except for school. I lucked out with a set of good years between nine and thirteen, learning how to play, to have friends, otherwise I'd be even weirder. I do have a niece (via marriage, to explain how that could have happened, me not having siblings) that I treasure, who had a very trying life for her first ten years, don't get me going, and I was part of the rescue. Ok, a big part. We will always love each other.

This will be an exploration for all of you.

Your house decor may need some adjusting.
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ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:24 pm
@jcboy,
On this, the trick is how you deal when you don't get along.

What can I say to that? talk.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:33 pm
@jcboy,
Wonderful!!! Congrats all around. And, yet... you've got both the two daddy and the step daddy anvils handing over your head. Hopefully your partner has done his part about preparing him for two daddys. Your dilemma really becomes one of being a step daddy at the same time you become a two-partner household.

Yep, I'd be anxious too but that doesn't mean that the two adults in his scenario can't make it all work out for the betterment of everyone involved.

Best wishes to you all!
0 Replies
 
MMarciano
 
  5  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:34 pm
Morgan worries too much. My son loves him and the two of them get along wonderful together. He’s a nervous Nancy.
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:52 pm
@jcboy,
Congratulations on becoming a step-father, jcboy. Smile
It sounds very much like you really want to do all the right things by this little boy ... it's clear that you take the responsibility very seriously. Though I can understand your nervousness about such a big responsibility. I'd feel exactly the same in similar circumstances.
I think you'll be fine. It definitely sounds like you'll give it your very best shot.
My best wishes to all 3 of you for a good, new life together.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 07:54 pm
@MMarciano,
Here's myself and my niece in maybe 1992. She is wearing her Birthday dress; I'm wearing my dollar pin from Reckless Woman shop on Venice beach - that photo matters to both of us now, despite the dust on the scanner.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v722/ossobuco/JT322.jpg

Not to turn this toward me, but to share. My life grew when she came into it.
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 08:00 pm
@MMarciano,
Hello MM, welcome to A2K.

I'm sure you're right - that everything will turn out wonderfully - but jc is expressing a natural trepidation under the circumstances. It will be a change and adjustment for all of you, one that I hope will be easy all around. Expressing his concerns is a good thing, imo.
Rockhead
 
  3  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 08:21 pm
@jcboy,
the hardest thing about being a step daddy to a five year old is learning to think before you speak.

when you don't, you get to think a lot more while you explain what you said away...

good luck, and have fun.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 08:23 pm
@ossobuco,
That's a wonderful photo, osso. Thanks for sharing it. I've heard so much about her, it's nice to finally see her.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 08:25 pm
@JPB,
I completely agree!

I know when Mo came to live with us I was a wreck. A2K saved me. Talking is good.

I think it is very natural to be nervous. I'd worry about anyone who wasn't petrified by the idea. The fact that you take that scary plunge means that you really want it to work.

You'll be great.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 08:38 pm
@boomerang,
She is still wonderful. Complicated, of course.
I remember calling her butterball at two, but she can't get me back unless she starts calling me Woodeye, and she doesn't know that joke.

On the photo, I just noticed that I had some kind of grey veil on the top of my head - not. I might have been 50 or 51 then, still brown hair. I don't know how that could happen in a photo that I've looked at many times before. Some kind of strange dissolution in photo time? Or I missed it in many looks? (it's framed, in a prominent place, natch).

But back to the main topic, two daddies.
I think it can work. No personal experience. Friends have been together long, but with older kids.

0 Replies
 
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MonaLeeza
 
  3  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 09:09 pm
@jcboy,
Congratulations and good luck to you and your family!
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Mame
 
  6  
Reply Sun 14 Aug, 2011 09:38 pm
@DoubleA-Ron,
Piss off you little dweeb. Take a moment and absorb where you're at or bugger off.
 

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