when does a 4 yo boy need his mother. And is it fair to keep him away in those situations

Reply Mon 18 Mar, 2013 10:10 pm
(i apologize for the typeos. i hope this makes sense and someone can assist me with this. Imtrying to give a breif summary)
I are currently on a week on week off custody arrangement with my son father. I have been the primeary parent full time since birth up untill 2 and half years old. his father has been apart of his life just over two years.I have always allowed his father (and family) full access and have never denied any requests made. I do not talk bad about his father or share any of the personal issues i may have. ALthought his father did not want to be apart of his life I still respected the role he would eventally take. I have always wanted and still want him to have his dad, His father is doing whatever he can to win full custody primeary residents. Its distrubing the things that have been done and said to make me look as if i do not care about our son. I do not have the support network that my sons father has...I do not have any family memebers other than my foster dad who taken me in when i was 11 (i am now 25), i now consider him my dad. My sons father works a good job, recently got married and bought house.. His parents are much involved in their life and both sides inculd a large amount of family memeber. I have myself , and am doing the best i can. And have been told by many that I am and have done an amazing job with rising my son.
On my week with my son, my son developed a cold. runny nose and little cough. Nothing that cocerned me but I still kept a close eye. His father picked him up on his day.(2 days into his cold) I told his father that he had runny nose and little cough and that I had given him childrens cold and flu and also his inhaler. Late last night I received a text informing me that they just left hopstial and our son is very sick.He has pink eye, middle ear infection and a virus. I feel completely awful that I was unware of this,my son showed no sign of anything that was concerning. In fact other than the runny nose and little cough he was no different than any of other day.. Eating, playing. etc. I asked my son father to consider allowing me to have him while he is sick seeing as he and his wife work . I am curently not workin ... He denied me and said if needed he will take time off work.. Im writting because this is an on going issue that keep happening.. my son is 4 and has said nurmous times he wants to be with me, and has cried and begged to not have to leave me.. My son has been through sedation for MRI, Dental and another procerger. I have asked his father if possibley he would allow Our son to come home with me after the proceger. He would also deny me , and remind me that his wife and him were ones who brought him and that they would be the ones to take him home. Is it healty for his father to keep dening me in situtions? it seems to me that keeping me away in these situtions will only make my son think i am not there for him. And that his wife and him are..
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Reply Mon 18 Mar, 2013 11:28 pm
I don't have any medical training but I wouldn't have thought you needed an MRI for a virus, conjuctivitus or an ear infection. Are you telling us the whole story? It seems like your son's father has some legitimate concerns about his son's health that go beyond complications of a simple cold.
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Reply Tue 19 Mar, 2013 08:05 am
I disagree - kids that age get sick very fast and heal up very fast when you are talking about a cold. All those things you listed are curable.

But because he already was an inhaler user, then he probably is high risk for even a cold, so he would need watching. I don't see that mom did anything wrong.

I am assuming that you have physical custody of this child. If Dad took the child to the hospital during the hours of HIS visitation, then he keeps him just that long. The child should come home at the end of the visitation. In the meantime, you can talk to him on the phone.

Four year olds need their mommy and I think he needs to come home and finish up his recouping ASAP, but your ex is within his visitation time.

You say you don't have a "support system."

Take parenting classes, go to church, join single mother groups, seek out a social worker or counselor, find an elderly couple to be grandparents, take classes with your son so you meet other single parents.

You need lots of help around you because it sounds like your ex-husband will stick it to you when he can.

Your son needs his father and you will need his help when this fella gets older so try to have a good relationship with him. But strengthen yourself first.

Good luck. I was a single parent and my daughter raised kids basically alone. It's a big job and you need help.
Reply Tue 19 Mar, 2013 05:13 pm
I disagree - kids that age get sick very fast and heal up very fast when you are talking about a cold. All those things you listed are curable.

But are we just talking about a cold? I'm a bit confused about the MRI and the dental work - is that on the same recent visit to the hospital with the father? We don't know the father's side of this story and it sounds like he may have some genuine concerns about his son's health. I just have a sense that there's a lot more to this story than we've been told.
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Reply Wed 20 Mar, 2013 06:04 am
From what I can make sense of is- lots of people cares for the kid. But typical, you get controlling people. Don't let them sit on your head. Sound like the kid getting sick was the perfect opportunity not to give the kid to you. I think you have to be firm but nice, and tell them that you DO CARE for your son as much as they do. And they cant pick and choose when they want to give the kid to you. It is your son right? They don't have full custody right? So how do they think they are. Like you said the farther did want to be apart of his life?
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