What should I do about my baby's absent father?

Reply Thu 3 Sep, 2015 10:10 pm
I think I have a very unusual scenario... I became pregnant with a guy on the 1st/ 2nd date. He made it clear he did not want to have a part in the baby's life from about 10 weeks into my pregnancy. He told me he did not find pregnant women attractive, and at about 35 weeks, we stopped seeing one another (not officially, just incidentally). That is something I could have handled on its own, however, we have a good rapport and began dating about 3 weeks after my son was born. My son is now 5 months old. I don't know whether or not to give him time and understanding as it is not an easy situation, or alternatively contact his family, take the child support I am due, and allow my son to have a relationship with his half sister from a previous relationship... I fear that if I go the hard route now, I may end up robbing my son of his father in the future, plus we get along great as a pair. Advice?!
Reply Thu 3 Sep, 2015 11:13 pm
Are you comfortable in giving up your child's right to support?
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Reply Thu 3 Sep, 2015 11:24 pm
find some sort of a hobby which doesn't involve men or sex: golf, skeet shooting, fishing, or whatever so that you've got other options, i.e. in times when good men aren't around, go catch some fish or shoot some clay pigeons....

Stop being trapped into thinking you always need to make the best of bad choices.
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Reply Fri 4 Sep, 2015 06:24 am
Just don't get pregnant again. Apparently, that turns him off.

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Reply Fri 4 Sep, 2015 07:09 am
Honey, your son will need shoes regardless of how you get along with his father. Plus hanging around with this perpetual manchild never stepping up to do anything about his son is a lousy example for your son. You are teaching him that you can get a woman pregnant and continue to have all the awesome good times without a lick of responsibility.

You need to lay down the law with the baby daddy. This means telling him that he needs to provide support for the child, who is partly his, too. If he refuses parental responsibility and signs away his rights, then you two don't get to hang out anymore. And he may very well take that way out - it certainly sounds to me like he only likes you when you're not pregnant, so what's it to him to even give a second thought to his own child?

If the guy doesn't sign away his parental rights, then he is on the hook for child support. You need an agreement in writing. You need not have a lawyer for this, but that helps immensely as there are probably future financial scenarios that you have not thought of, such as what could happen to your son if you become disabled, or he wants to go to grad school or whatever.

Protect your child's rights and his financial well-being. This is often not about whether he gets to go on a nice vacation but about whether he gets shoes when he needs them. This is all considerably more important than hanging around with this guy.
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