My partner has a child

Forums: Relationships, Marriage, Relationship, Step Parents
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Please help me.

I have been with "dave" since we were 17. Within this time we were separated for a year, and during this time a girl he was dating got pregnant after 1 month. He tried to make it work for the sake of the child, but somehow fate brought us back together. We are now very happily married, but I am having trouble dealing with the fact that he has a child with someone else.

We were both 17 when we got together and I always wanted a child from him, but wanted to wait till I finished college. Now it breaks my heart that the thing I wanted most SOME STRANGER has. I will be good to my step son, but does anyone have tips on how to deal with this pain?

I've talked to my husband about my feelings, but I try not to bring it up. Maybe I am just writing to see if there is anyone out there in a similar situation.

Please help

-Step mom with issues : (

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 666 • Replies: 3

[+3] - jespah - 07/30/2013Okay, well, consider this. What if you were older, and you met Dave when you were older. Say, you maybe even had been married before, and he had been. But you were available (divorced or...

@ginamarie91,

Okay, well, consider this.

What if you were older, and you met Dave when you were older. Say, you maybe even had been married before, and he had been. But you were available (divorced or widowed). And he had a child. You'd be okay with that, yes? Or no?

Because, right now, all I can see that you're angry about is not being first to have a kid with Dave.

You'll be second. Your child will not be the first born. Unless he's heir to the British throne (this isn't Prince William, perchance, is it? Wink

), it kinda doesn't matter whose child is first.

Does it?

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@ginamarie91,

ginamarie91 wrote:

Now it breaks my heart that the thing I wanted most SOME STRANGER has. I will be good to my step son, but does anyone have tips on how to deal with this pain?

Since you solicited opinions, in my opinion, you are making your own "pain," by not accepting the situation as to how your karma played itself out. You capitalized the words, "SOME STRANGER." Well, what does that show? In my opinion again, the solution is to think of the situation as an exercise in "sharing" with a veritable "STRANGER," in YOUR opinion.

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@ginamarie91,

ginamarie91 wrote:

Now it breaks my heart that the thing I wanted most SOME STRANGER has.

Isn't Dave what you want most? Don't you have Dave?

If Dave isn't what you want most, you might want to reconsider the relationship in its entirety.

If you think of your stepson's mother as a stranger, you are creating a whole series of other problems for people who don't deserve this from you

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My partner has a child

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