depressive lover and mixed signals please help

Hi everyone.

Please bear with me for a bit. I know it is long. It is my first post and I don't know where to turn

The situation is very strange. The man in question is a friend of a friend. We met in March and he was not supposed to be anything but a fling, an one night stand even. I was fine with this. The sex was mindblowing. In fact we spent the next two days in bed speaking and, well other things too. We really connected. He asked for my number and told me his life is complicated and he needs a few weeks time but he definitely wanted to see me again. I told him it would be awesome but only if he wanted to (I heard the its complicated story before) He didn't call.

I ran into him at an exhibition almost 3 months ago. I thought it was accidental. Soon afterward he confessed he had engineered the whole thing making sure our common friend brought me there. He tried to call me it seems but he had written the number wrong.

So, ever since we have been joined to the hip. He said we should take it easy physically in order to really get to know each other and I agreed. I never initiated anything at all. All effort comes from him. We reached a point when he called me constantly, obsessively even. We got really close. He was not lying about his life being complicated (looooong story). As a result he is suffering from severe depression. That did not stop him from being romantic as hell, cooking candlelit dinners and playing romantic music, he met all my friends and gazes into my eyes non stop. Things progressed and we had sex again about a month ago. Only he seemed very disturbed afterward believing he wasn't good enough (to be fair it was not spectacular like before but of course I never hinted that he was anything but wonderful). He even said he hated himself for dissapointing me in the sack (completely in his head, I was happy)

Since then he has been Jekyll and Hyde with me. Sometimes he shuts everyone out including his own mother and I am the only one he allows near. Sometimes he takes me on spontaneous road trips and I believe the world is upright again. Last week it got creepy. While we were sleeping together (no sex involved, he hasn't touched me sexually since the last time) he was holding on to me so tight I could hardly breathe. At some point he woke me up in the middle of the night shaking me and frightening me. He said "I love you so much I don't know what I will do if you ever leave me". He gave me a bruise (he was not violent)I believe he has no recollection of the incident as I tried to bring it up and he said he is sleepwalking and talking in his sleep. I haven't told himabout it.

The very next day he came over to mine and at the end of the night he said he was going home. He dropped the bombcell that he isn't falling for me and it bothers him because he thought he would by now. He thinks sex will hurt me and said since I am close to him he is masturbating several times a day to ease the tension. BUT his clingy behavior only got worse. By now his mom is imploring me not to abandon her son. Things came to a nasty climax on Saturday. He actually came to find me at a private party he was not invited to. He kept texting and calling throughout the day. We left together and went dancing. We danced and kissed (everything initiated by him). Then I went to the toilet and in the mean time he sent me a text saying "We will not become a couple but you mean so much to me. I don't want to lose you."

Of course a very unpleasant conversation ensued ending up with me in tears, him kissing me again and me running away. He called the moment I reached home, at 6 in the morning and once again admitted that what we are having is not a friendship and that he has feelings for me (on his own accord I mainly listened - maybe I shouldn't have picked up). My constant position is that if he wants out the door is open any time. I am not holding him against his will. I also said I am not interested in forcing him to love me but I am not getting what I want (mainly peace of mind, affection, security. I get A LOT of attention but none of the good things a girlfriend should enjoy. He is basically sharing his entire life with me at this point and what do I get?).

Now he is being weird again. The next day he called me a total of 11 times and spent more than 2 hours on the phone with me when I eventually picked up. Then nothing for a day, then 5 calls yesterday and today nothing again (and I do not feel secure enough to call him myself or initiate anything at all).

He wants to meet and talk it over.

The problem is, I am in love with him. And I believe that he is worth it (I know I mention only the wacky stuff now but the guy is a gem whose illness is taking its toll). I also believe he has some serious feelings for me but maybe I am wrong. All I know is that even if it hurts I will not settle for a therapist/best buddy or something like that and watch him walk into the sunset with the next girl that abuses him. It is not enough. I just hate ultimatums (love me or I am out) so I can't force his hand. I just booked a holiday and was thinking to suggest we don't speak in the mean time so that each of us can think things through. Is this wrong? Have I already lost him?

I would really really appreciate input. I am holding strong but (laugh if you may) I was really convinced he was the one. And that never happened to me before. So if there is anything I can do to salvage things without either of us getting hurt I would do it in a heartbeat.

Sorry for the long post