Help?!? What to do about my partners son.

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Please Help I have no idea what to do.....

This is the 1st time Ive asked a question but I really need some advice!

Where to start....
My partner has a kid from his last partner, the boy is 6 years old and Im not sure if I should leave the relationship as he annoys the s$#t out of me and it causes trouble between my relationship which I do not want at all.

I have tried very hard with this child (I do more with him then his parents do! arts and craft, feeding ducks, baking and so on)

But both his parents baby him and he is very spoilt and gets what he wants when he wants - which I do not think is right

So of the things that get on my nerves...

- He says at our house 40% of the time - but every time he comes in he doesnt say Hi and goes straight to his room - when I talk to my partner about it he says hes just a little boy and still learning, it has been a years we have lived together and I do not feel this is an excuse and I should be respected in my own house esp because I pay for half of everything.

- He does not use his manners at all - once again when I talk to my partner the same excuse is used that hes just a little boy and still learning - my newhew is 2 and uses his manners at least 90% of the time

Both my partner and I work but I am the one to come home and then make tea for use all - at tea time its a mission to get him to get it as he doesnt like it or his mum makes it different and then his dad makes a deal with him that he only needs to eat half of it??? Im only 26 but back in my day we had to eat our meal or it was bedtime.

-He walks around the place like he owns it using what ever he likes (even if its mine) doing what he likes when he likes.Im just over the taking, I wouldnt mind him using my stuff if he only asks - when I bought it up with his dad he goes well you werent using it.

Dont get me wrong this kids not the devil, he can be a lovly kid at times.

I am just really lost at what to do? I do not want to get between a father and son so is leaving this relationship the right way to go??

Be straight up, If you think I am being stupid let me know, any advice is helpful!

Thankyou so much for taking the time to read this

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 953 • Replies: 3

Good morning, and welcome to A2K.

I think you're being disrespected in your home. And your partner is clueless and overly protective and, frankly, is just plain falling down on the job.

Any 6 year old child knows manners well enough, being as they are taught to share in school when? Age 3? 4? Certainly by the time of first grade. So that excuse is just that - a lame excuse. Same with not respecting your property.

And, really, these are life skills for this child. When he stops being young, it stops being excusable (and it really wasn't, to begin with). When does your partner imagine it will be a good idea to intervene? When this child breaks into a liquor cabinet or grabs prescription medication because someone else "wasn't using it"? When the child's discourtesy holds him back from getting a job because he was never taught to say please and thank you, hold doors or shake hands? When his disrespect for personal boundaries and personal property go so far that he starts helping himself to the contents of your wallet, or your car keys without permission?

This crap has to stop. Yesterday.

I recommend sitting down with your partner. Frame it less as assaults on your person and more as life lessons that this child needs to learn. E. g. "The other day, Jimmy grabbed from the cookie jar when it was less than an hour before supper. Let's, together, teach him the right way to go about getting what he wants, and let's teach him some restraint, too, because if he keeps doing this, he'll end up overweight."

If your partner throws you the same old bullshit about the son "learning", then the response should be, "so we'll teach him".

Try not to be a perfectionist about this. This kid really is going to have to learn, as his parents have done a lousy job of teaching him and, essentially, he's learned that there are no rules and he can do whatever he wants.

But also, set a reasonable time limit on this. A year? Six months? Whatever you think is right. And if things don't change, and your partner continues to be clueless (and, let's face it, kinda passive-aggressive about the whole thing), it will be time to fish or cut bait.

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Funny age . . .

My 6 year old grandson is also a mixture of emotions right now. He sometimes is friendly with me, sometimes ignores me when he comes in my house - BUT his parents remind him to say hi to grandma. I find when he is tired, he is more moody and forgetful of his manners.

I also have a friend whose 6 and 7 year old grandchildren - girls and boys - don't really know what to do with me either.

He really does not know you, or trust you and probably there is some kind of message there that he should not bond with you, lest he betray his other parent.

I suggest that you step back and don't try to be liked by him. Do your thing and let him watch how you are. "Childize" your home and things - put things out of touch that you don't want disturbed. Their curiosity at this age is really peaking and they will go into anything.

Time for some parenting from his father. It sounds like very little boundaries were ever put on this child but - sorry - you are not the one to do it. His parents are. He's not going to listen to a "No" from you at all.

You two MUST come to agreement about this boy's behavior. I suggest a parenting class for blended families.

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@PUNKEY,

I recall my mother telling me to respect my elders as young as 4 years of age (I remember bits & pieces back to 3 months old). And being who they were, they probably told me the same thing earlier - for they repeated this lesson many times throughout my early childhood.

I know learning to say 'please' came much earlier than that.

So for the father to say that his child shouldn't learn manners is an excuse.

As other possibilities - the father may :
- be afraid to upset his child, in case his child doesn't want to come and see him anymore.
- want his child's time with him to be all fond memories and no hardship
-------------------------------------
That said, the OP framed her question as the child annoying the #@$@ out of you - and not the father.

Isn't it the father the OP has the problem with? The one who won't teach his child certain manners?

Does his father not, by implication, condone his child disrespecting the OP?
--------------------------------
To allow this, the father himself is lacking specific manners.

edit : my apologies, I had to reframe the wording because I hit reply to Punkey, rather than the OP

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Help?!? What to do about my partners son.

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