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Sun 14 Jul, 2013 04:16 am
When u don't have the means. I married out of compassion, fear, doing the right thing. But not for love. I wasn't in love. I was sad walking down the aisle. I was misguided. Didn't know any better confused. I tried to be happy in the marriage. Years later a married coworker tells me he loves me after 3 years of working together. Chemicals must've driven us crazy as we agreed to tell his wife if I could be his wife too. That's when things change. He became cold to me. She was mad. I was jealous she was mad because it means she got to marry who she wanted unlike me who could care less when my husband had a revenge affair after I told him the truth about everything. The other man tells me he does love his wife. Some days he is warm and physical things happen again except the actual intercourse. Then some days his cold. I also see him flirt back with women who flirt with him. I told him to set me free by telling the truth that he just used me. But he insist he loves me and the other women are just friends . He says I'm free but I meant free to know that he really doesn't love me because his actions sometimes conflict with the what I know love is. Yet he says he would not even waste discussing things with me if he didn't love me. I seldom see him as he changed schedules (more with the other girls). Yet when our schedules overlap and I confront him with situations I notice he says I suffocate him. So I told him to tell me he does not love me yet he still sticks to his story that he does. That I am forcing him to lie. I can't move forward I'm married to someone I have compassion for who loves me very much don't want divorce despite knowing everything. I am not happy with him. He does not listen like OM and OM made me feel I was the girl in the relationship. I cannot cultivate life because I'm sick and it's even a struggle to work. A counselor told me my husband does not love me because he does not work. Maybe he needs me I said. He does not seem to understand the responsibility of a man as a provider and as a friend who will Stand up for his wife. He sides more with my in laws who bully me and say i provoke it. Yet he cries if I threaten to leave him and changes attitudes fast temporarily to make me stay. He says we need to work on the marriage. It's such a lonely life. Sick. Unhappily married and can't move on. HOw to get over Other man? Shortcut grammar. Tired. Screwed life. Just wanted to be with one man, the one I love who also loves me and have children with that one and only man. My years fading and eggs going. Stuck I this rot. Don't know anymore. Brokenhearted, lonely, judged, alone, worst cant move on. How to move on.
@Tajmahal,
I have a feeling rightly or wrongly that you are not posting from a western culture but I could be wrong in that opinion.
In any case, the world is full of non-married men that are decent and loving so divorce your husband if you feel like you have no emotions for him and open up your heart to those men.
I'm with Bill. There are a ton of other fish in the sea. You need to be thinking about something other than this affair, which is not going to work out and only makes you feel worse about yourself.
@BillRM,
Too many factors to consider especially extended family that likes him. Division of properties. Worst cannot even go out much and meet new people since sick. Rest on day off. See only the people at work. Like The other man and all others know i am with him. Most of The men do not judge. Seems like they gentleman and feel sorry for me. (most women catty especially those who flirt with him and subtle bout it, they judge me, gang up, outcast, sometimes give subtle attacks yet not judge the man, even praise him sweetly in my presence. Ironically, they all want him there while im the one who tells him to go home and spend more time with his wife and kids). Also most men my age are married. Cannot go out much and if can everyone seems to be married unless they're way younger. Not much opportunity to meet those rare unmarried decent men my age bracket. Mid life. Too late perhaps to start over?
@Tajmahal,
So you have decided to stay in a loveless marriage AND spend energy trying to get a married man - who flirts with all the other co-workers - to pay attention to you.
Both situations are no win.
Do you have ANYONE - religious leader, friend, parent, that you can talk to?
@PUNKEY,
I have talked to religious leaders. No help. Counselor. No help. Friends...not too many as i seldom go anywhere and can't bring topic up. Online, see people's perspectives. Not really that many fishes in my world. At my age that are not married. Plus I seldom go out. Even if divorced, younger singles already have hard time meeting mr. Right or I would say mr. Perfect (the one mutually in love with you), how much more my age bracket where most men are sending teens to college. As a female there is also the urgency that chances to become a mother is getting slimmer. Don't know anymore really
@Tajmahal,
And the older you get, and the more you hesitate, the harder it's going to be to meet someone.
Or, here's a radical idea - be single for a while. Surely, even in traditional societies, there are women without partners? Are their lives completely over?
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