My little sister told me she's a lesbian

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I don't really know how to react. She's 16, and I'm 23. I'm just really shocked. First off, she's really into religion, in our family we're devout Catholics. She has to stay in the hospital a lot for her kindeys, in a Catholic hospital, and there's a nun who loves her, and she used to want to be a nun, but she informed me that she's had a girlfriend for over a year now. Second off, I'm shocked because she's really girly. I didn't know how to react, so I didn't really say anything. We're not very close, so I don't know why she chose to tell me. She's my sister, and I'll always love her, I'm not going to try to change her, she is the way she is, and I'm ok with that. I'm just wondering if I should talk to her about it more, considering I didn't really say anything..

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@Vincent90,

Seems to me thar you are the one with a "problem" not her. As an atheist I see religion's fixation with sexuality as indicative of its social control function. I note that your respondent on the Catholic Forum suggests you "pray for a miracle". Sounds appropriate to me !

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@Vincent90,

You love your sister, talk with her non judgementally. You may find yourself closer friends even though this news has startled you.

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@fresco,

I don't have a problem with it, which is why I added "She's my sister, and I'll always love her, I'm not going to try to change her, she is the way she is, and I'm ok with that." In the post.

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@Vincent90,

Vincent90 wrote:

I'm just wondering if I should talk to her about it more, considering I didn't really say anything..

No. Don't go out of your way to bring it up, and don't talk all around the subject, either. I would be very surprised if she wants your understanding. At most, she probably just wants to be able to talk freely with you, without trying to awkwardly avoid the subject.

Also, you should not raise the subject with the rest of the family. If she wants them to know, she will tell them.

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@Vincent90,

Vincent90 wrote:

I'm just wondering if I should talk to her about it more, considering I didn't really say anything..

No. Leave it. She told you she was gay, but she doesn't need your permission or blessing.

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@contrex,

No, she doesn't need his permission or blessing but she confided in him.

Of course he can ignore it.

Geez.

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@Vincent90,

Well, now you know at least three things about your sister.

She's a religious, girly, lesbian.

All of those things can work together and clearly do for your sister.

I think it's terrific that she thinks enough of you to have told you.

Perhaps at some time in the future you will feel comfortable enough with her to ask her how the process of telling people is for her. Seems she might need some confirmation that you still feel the same way about her.

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She told you something important, it would be natural to ask her to tell you more about it. i.e. how long she's felt this way (probably forever), what problems she's had, that you're there to support her, etc.

She shared with you. Invite her to share more, things of her choosing.

I think it's amazing that she could have told you she bought a new car, or got a dog, and you'd have no problem asking her questions.

This is more important, go ahead and talk.

Remember though, she's exactly the same person she was the day before, the minute before she told you.

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yes to Beth and Chai, not that they need affirmation.

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Well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and I do expect to get lambasted for my remarks, but here goes . . .

A sickly, very religious, young girl who has been surrounded by nurturing females (nuns, for example) may not have had enough experiences in the real world to make a decision about her sexual preferences.

Do you think she is not worldly, in fact maybe overprotected, isolated? You say she has been ill quite a bit.

In any case, let her know that she doesn't need to make any decision about anything right now. She is free to love those around her right now and how she feels today may not be the same as she gets older - or maybe it will.

I personally think we force kids to commit sexual preference way too early and encourage them to act out sexually way too early. They don't get a chance to pass through that stage in which we love our same sex peers. What do you know about her "girlfriend"?

I also think that it is important that she has not been overly influenced by the all-female care she has been surrounded with all this time.

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@PUNKEY,

I was highly influenced by nuns, reported here elsewhere. No intimation re sexuality; however I resent more than fifty years later their frank assholeness in the cause of the Order, it wasn't sexual. They wanted a missionary to India.
That particular order was freaked by sex in any way, I guarantee it.

Anyway, I get your point, Punkey, but I don't think that's connected; maybe, but I doubt it. Sexuality isn't caused by others, that I know of.

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

Well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and I do expect to get lambasted for my remarks, but here goes . . .

A sickly, very religious, young girl who has been surrounded by nurturing females (nuns, for example) may not have had enough experiences in the real world to make a decision about her sexual preferences.

Do you think she is not worldly, in fact maybe overprotected, isolated? You say she has been ill quite a bit.

In any case, let her know that she doesn't need to make any decision about anything right now. She is free to love those around her right now and how she feels today may not be the same as she gets older - or maybe it will.

I personally think we force kids to commit sexual preference way too early and encourage them to act out sexually way too early. They don't get a chance to pass through that stage in which we love our same sex peers. What do you know about her "girlfriend"?

I also think that it is important that she has not been overly influenced by the all-female care she has been surrounded with all this time.

Not lambasting you, but to me that's like saying if you were raised by, and around gay people mostly during your childhood, that would more likely make you homosexual too.

Do you feel that if a child were male, and raised by a single dad, let's say straight, who had mostly all male friends, and sent you to a catholic school with mostly priests teaching, that the male child would come to the conclusion that he was gay?

I doubt many children/teens come to the conclusion they are homosexual because they are hanging around people of mostly the same sex as they are, and they are confusing close friendships with who they are, and who they would prefer to have sex with.

It's not like it's a either/or situation. A person may decide they are bi-sexual, may prefer different genders at different times of their life.

We are fluid.

My little sister told me she's a lesbian

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