My partner has a son to his ex gf

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So me and my bf have been together for 15 months now and living together for maybe 11 months, when we first started dating he told me he might have a baby and that he wanted nothing to do with it when it was born, anyway 8 months after dating the baby was born, mind you this was his ex getting pregnant on purpose and my BF not having any idea about it till after she found out she was pregnant. Before the baby was born we had talked about leaving the small city we live in and finding work somewhere else in the country, just be young, have fun, live life to the fullest. But now that the baby is born he has changed his mind which is okay, i have no problem with that and he has every right to want something to do with his son etc. I dont want to look after someone elses baby though. We're both 20 and im no where near ready to look after anyones babies! i desperatly want to get out of the city and live life while im young! and he said we could do that for a year and then go back so he can be a father. We both seem to want completely different things in life but we're both so in love with each other and i dont know what to do or say to him. Neither of us want to leave each other but he wants to stay near his son that he never wanted and i want to travel. I need some advice please! Sad

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 822 • Replies: 6

[+3] - vikorr - 06/21/2013Ah, no advice that anyone has to offer will tell you the right thing to do - every circumstance like this is unique because the people involved are unique. How big of an aversion do you have to...

@millymac1290,

Ah, no advice that anyone has to offer will tell you the right thing to do - every circumstance like this is unique because the people involved are unique.

How big of an aversion do you have to being a defacto mother on weekends? Or every second weekend?

How much do you want to travel / move elsewhere?

Can you see yourself not going elsewhere? (because he's likely not going far for the next 15 years or so)

A thought - being in love doesn't mean you are both compatible, nor that you are going in the same direction (though it can encompass both).

Work out what it is that you truly want - deep down inside - and follow that.

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@vikorr,

At this point in my life i am not ready to look after a child, mentally or finically. It sucks that we may not be compatible, and it would be hard to end it if thats the road we end up taking. Its such a difficult decision and i thank you a lot for what you've said.

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Sounds like he has made his mind up and his son has to come first. Don't miss out on your opportunity to get out there and travel and have fun while you are young. There are plenty of other guys out there without any baggage.

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@Dorothy Parker,

I know what I'm talking about. Good luck x

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@millymac1290,

can understand you situation -

1. Simple, you want him, you love him....so you love his baggage also/try to get used to the boy. It is fatherly love with his son, which will always come first. Advise is dont try to pull this out from him because he may develop an aversion against you after sometime

2. 2nd step........your life, your style, you choose n decide.

3. There is no 3rd step.......forget it.

Have a nice time !

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Yup - that's his "baggage." Can you handle it?

If not, make plans for yourself and go travel for while and come back and see what's up with him.

20 is too young to be strapped down by all this, IMHO, especially when I feel some resentment on your part.

Be brave and do what you know you have to.

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My partner has a son to his ex gf

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