How Can My Marriage Survive My Husband's Impotency

NSFW Forums: Relationships, Marriage, Sex, Loneliness, Prostatectomy
Email this Topic • Print this Page

My husband of thirty years had a prostatectomy one and a half years ago, which rendered this previously virile, handsome and wonderfully sexual man completely impotent. I have tried everything to recreate intimacy with him, I have never once intimated that I felt negatively about the situation, never pressured him--I've only tried to convey my concern for his health, my support for him, my sympathy for his ordeal, and how glad I was that the cancer was gone. And other than that I just tried to be encouraging and available to him. I tried toys, massage, oral stimulation-- everything. He is absolutely not interested. He no longer touches me. I have to beg for a kiss; it's humiliating. I really feel as though I'm losing my mind. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I actually feel nauseated a lot of the time now. I'm starting to cry a lot. I feel sick writing this letter. He sleeps in our older son's bedroom now, sometimes I don't see him except for an occasional mealtime. He has become petty and extremely critical of me. I feel like I'm dying. Please help me.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,673 • Replies: 5

[+5] - jespah - 06/02/2013You need to get him back to his doctor; this is probably a pretty common side effect of his cancer treatments. It may be something that Viagra or the like could help with, at least to assure...

@mcahill,

You need to get him back to his doctor; this is probably a pretty common side effect of his cancer treatments.

It may be something that Viagra or the like could help with, at least to assure that he could get an erection as that might be a fear on his part, that he can't get to that point so he's not even trying.

And, while at his doctor's ask for a referral to a therapist. You and I both know that sex and sexuality isn't just in the naughty bits; it's also in the mind.

So I suspect this is a two-step process. 1) To handle mechanic-type issues, make sure the parts are working or can be helped along if necessary and 2) work on the mindset. And work on this together, and frame it as a mutual interest and a mutual solution and a mutual thing for you both to work on together, rather than his problem alone.

0 Replies

He does sound depressed, for sure.

There are many options, but he has to be willing to work at solving this issue. His body is not the same as it was before. He must be willing to make some changes and accept help.

In the meantime, you are climbing the walls.

First, you two MUST share the same bed. Insist that he come back into the marriage bed.

Start up again. Agree that you will just hold each other - with sex not being the end goal. Just cuddle and kiss.

Don't let this go on any more. It's not fair to you and he is being allowed to withdraw from you and the whole world.

0 Replies

You know, you might just stop hoping for sex for now and satisfy yourself while seeing his doctor or a counsellor, either together or alone. A good chat might do the world of good. He obviously doesn't want to talk about it with you, but I'm disturbed that he doesn't even want to touch you. Maybe if you told him you are going to wait for him to be ready, that you're okay with just cuddling, that might take the pressure off him and he might want to kiss and touch you again.

0 Replies

The day my husband was diagnosed with cancer, he turned over in bed and never touched me again. He died two years later. So I know sexual frustration . .

This man may feel that he can't be like it was in the past, so he's pulled inward.

She needs to bring in doctors, therapists and counselors to help work this out. There is no reason why he they can't have an intimate relationship, even after his surgery.

0 Replies

@mcahill,

Your husband needs the attention of professionals...speedily

0 Replies

How Can My Marriage Survive My Husband's Impotency

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know