So now I'm single...

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So I broke up with my girlfriend this morning. Pretty much woke up, and broke up.

The thing is, when I was thinking about doing it before, I thought I'd feel some sort of weight lifted, a relief. But after seeing her reactions, and talking to her, I feel awful.

She was by far the sweetest girl I've ever dated, and she would do anything for me. She told me I was the best thing she's ever had. I've actually never shared so much with someone else before. We'd have alot of fun together, but the thing with me, was we have two completely different personalities, and I know I can't give her everything she wants(long term relationship...moving in together...and on). She's kind of dependent on me for her happiness, or should I say she depends on outside factors for her being happy. I'm more independent, and have a very optimistic outlook on life. She seemed to look at things in a negative light often. Plus she's insecure with a lot of things...I'm not an insecure person at ALL. If things go wrong, I'll find a way to learn from it and move on. This bugged me, and I'm not going to point out specific examples of how her insecurities were an issue with me. Guess I just need someone who's more confident with herself.

So now I'm sitting here, wondering if I broke up with her because: 1) I don't think I'll be happy with her in the long run because she's not the one for me, or 2) I'm all set with having a long term relationship with anyone. Before breaking up with her I was positive it was #1, but now I'm wondering how much of #2 is a factor, if at all?

I think it just needs to sink in for a while. I made this decision because I truly believed it is what's right. I didn't type this to ask any questions from you, I think I just needed a type of "diary" where I could put my thoughts somewhere other than verbally.

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Hmmm. I don't think I've ever been through a breakup that arose from intellectual grounds. I'm not really sorry about that, either.

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Aw, sorry, Slappy. :-( I was all happy that you found someone who seemed pretty compatible.

There was some report last night on "This American Life" (NPR) that E.G. listened to and thought was fascinating... it was on the topic of marriage. It said, among other things, that basically every long-term relationship has irreconcilable differences -- the trick is to have good enough communication skills to work through them. Just for example, I'm an animal lover. Had a dog and four cats growing up, worked in a zoo, had vague ambitions to be a vet or a naturalist. E.G. is allergic to anything with fur (or dander, I forget), and as a result of this life-long allergy, actively dislikes anything with fur. I never thought I'd spend my adult life without any animals, but too many other things about him are too good for that to be a deal-breaker.

That's not to say that you should set your sights lower. If it didn't feel right, it probably wasn't right. But for the intellectual angle of it, the #2 part, I think you do have to be mentally prepared to work a bit, deal with those irreconcilable differences, IF you want a long-term relationship.

If you don't, that's another story, and I don't presume to say that everyone should be in a long-term relationship. Especially if you have a group of good friends, which you seem to from various stories you've told.

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Slappy, boy do I know this dilema. I broke up with a guy recently for a couple of reasons - jealosy mostly. But I just couldn't stomach spending time with a guy who does the same old thing all the time. Same restaurants, same food, same everything. I need variety - diversity - spontinaty, I tried explaining this to him and he thought I was nuts, but personalities don't always match.
Ces't la vie.

I've just met the man (hopefully) of my dreams. Tall, dark and handsome with a great sense of humour. And like me he's laid back. Now we'll see if it will last, keepin' my fingers crossed.

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Oh, I'm sure we'll last, Ceili. But didn't I tell you to keep this quiet?

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Hey, that's cool, Ceili. Good luck.

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GUS??? Uh, yeah Ceili...good luck.

(Don't let littlek find out.)

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Sorry you had to find out like this, Eva.

Can we still be friends?

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You did Gus, once again I hang my head in shame. <<<<<<<see left.

I couldn't help my self, over joyed with the newness of our share bond, I have been unable to contain my glee.
Now, enough about us...

Thanks, all.
But its slappy who needs the lovin'.((((HUG))))

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I ain't hugging Slappy. Not for all the tea in China.

I would consider a firm handshake if the boy is suffering.

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Gus, for the last time, I ain't letting you shake your hand there.

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gustavratzenhofer wrote:

Sorry you had to find out like this, Eva.

Can we still be friends?

Of course we can be friends, Gus. But I want the wedding present I gave you and littlek back. I think I can still get a refund.

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If the two people in a relationship are different--that isn't a problem. But being annoyed by those differences can be. And that's not something you can always change.

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Tell me what?

Slappy, sounds rough. I broke up with a guy once whom I still consider my best friend. We love each other, but we couldn't be together. Now he's having a baby with a woman he's nuts about. It hurts a little, but I know it's right.

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Actually, I'm wondering about this guy I'm dating currently. I keep having a little edge of, "Is this right?" I have a habit of ditching out of relationships and I also wonder if I am because of reason #1 or #2.

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Me, I am really really glad to talk with the straight ahead slappy.
But so what, I can't help.
Still.
life is long, don't connect with anyone who is missing a curiousity/independent way, woman or man.
Those that have it are more trouble, but you'll understand the trouble more.

Yours sincerely,
osso

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edit duplicate

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I don't understand #2...you are ready for a long term relationship with anyone? Or do you mean you are NOT ready?

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Slappy, first off, I'm sorry this happened. It isn't easy, no matter what the circumstances are.

And, I think it's #3 - you broke up with this woman because you realized it wasn't right and you couldn't, long term, be the right guy for her. That takes an enormous amount of guts. That also takes a lot of - dare I say it? - love. And maturity.

I think you are ready for a long-term relationship, and I think this behavior actually reinforces that. You know what you want. You have an idea of what will work. And you're (another word not often associated with Slappy) sensitive enough to not jerk someone around forever if it's not going to work out. Instead of hanging around and going the path of least resistence, you made the break so that this woman can get on with her life, and you can, too.

<shniff> Our little boy is growing up! <honk>

PS I think, Eva, the etiquette rule is that a bride must return all wedding gifts if the marriage lasted less than a year. Then again, those are regular years and not A2K years. So all bets are off. But I'd ask dlowan or SCoates to be sure. :-D

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Oh, I was having a brain freeze, I'm afraid. It wasn't Gus & littlek...it was Slappy & littlek. However, I hear that one didn't last, either. So I still want my wedding present back.

Um...I DID send a wedding present....didn't I?

I usually send a magnum of champagne. I wonder if littlek already drank it?

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So now I'm single...

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