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Wed 8 May, 2013 10:16 pm
The original text:
Dear sir:
I am a student in Peking University China, a place that deams of freedom
and demacracy. Since our leeder (Deng Xiao Ping) has got parkinsonism for
long time. He can not moving and talking now, so anyone can tell me how long
can he be alive?
Thank you very much!
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My edit:
Hi guys,
I am a student of Peking University, China, a place full of dreams for freedom and democracy. Our country leader Deng Xiaoping has suffered from Parkinson Disease for long and is able to talk and walk no more at present. Would you like to tell me how long he will last?
Thank you in advance.
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Does my editing sound natural? How to improve it further? Your opinions will be appreciated.
@oristarA,
Our country leader Deng Xiaoping has suffered from Parkinson Disease for
a long time, and is
unable to talk and walk
no more at present.
That's my best suggestion. The rest is good as is.
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