Unable to handle the pressure

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I am in a relationship with my bf since two years. We both have come to USA for our higher education...sadly in diff universities... Till now we have kissed and that too only once... We both are virgins...Now my bf wants to do sex with me to take our relationship to new level... Hes going to visit me for 2-3 days in next mnth and says we will book a hotel nd do sex there... I am finding it pretty hard to catch up to that level.. I am kinda of scared as we both r away frm our home countries nd not sure how to handle if some accident happens... I am telling him lets take it slowly... so before actually doing sex... But hes very enraged and upset at me... He fights every night with on this topic from last 10 days.. I am not able to convince... i m read y to take next step...but scared frm within ... i really want to do with him but more comfortably and peachefully... But he justs get very angry and its very hard to calm him down.. result being v both r not able to concentrate on our studies ans making both of our lives frustrating... Am i doing something really wrong nd bad... I need suggestions... I really love him nd dont wanna loose him

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 626 • Replies: 9

[+7] - CoastalRat - 04/25/2013Don't let anyone talk you into something you don't think you want to do. (That goes for more than just sex.) If you don't think you want to have sex with him yet, then don't. Frankly, if he is...

@sanababe,

Don't let anyone talk you into something you don't think you want to do. (That goes for more than just sex.) If you don't think you want to have sex with him yet, then don't.

Frankly, if he is getting this angry about it, then I would question whether he really loves you. Someone who loves you is not going to get this angry when you tell him you are hesitant about moving to a sexual relationship.

Bottom line, it is your life and your body. Don't let someone in until you are ready, even if it means you have to stop seeing him.

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@CoastalRat,

I second that. (Good morning, CoastalRat).

Anger about having sex is not only not romantic, it should make you wonder about everything in your relationship. Is he frustrated and angry if you don't call back immediately, and things like that? Then imagine what life would be like if you were married. Not so nice, eh?

The good news is that you are not married. And the better news is that you do not have to do this.

If you lose him over this, he is not so much of a prize to begin with.

There are far worse things than not having a boyfriend. Being pressured into sex when you're not ready for it, by someone who does not respect your feelings in that area, and gets angry with you for wanting something else - yeah, that's one of the things that's worse.

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Are you jumping from kissing into sexual intercourse?

There are many stages in between.

How much private time have you spent together?

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@sanababe,

You can take the pregnancy risk (mostly) off the table, and you should prepare. It wouldn't hurt to start taking birth control pills (and make sure there are condoms). The combination of the two will make pregnancy unlikely.

Given the nature of the relationship and the visit, I would start planning for birth control now (whether you think you will actually need it or not). Sometimes sex just happens, and if you aren't prepared for it you can get caught in the moment and if birth control isn't ready it is difficult to be smart.

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@sanababe,

Apparently, he's ready after two years of a relationship and you're not. This is a big divide in your relationship. I say it's probably time to move on as it's simultaneously unfair for him to put this pressure on you to have sex when clearly you are not ready BUT it's also unfair to him to as well. Clearly he wants to progress the relationship much farther then you want it to go.

It's time to break it off with him and for you to move to a relationship that's moving much slower for both parties.

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@tsarstepan,

That's sounds a little drastic Tsar. First of all, she says she loves him. Second of all, she has been with this guy for two years. Thirdly she is in college. She isn't going to find a relationship that moves any slower (at least not with a guy her age).

Sex is designed to be fun. My advice would be for her to get protection against pregnancy, use a condom, and then to enjoy it.

You are only young once. So live.

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Quote:

Frankly, if he is getting this angry about it, then I would question whether he really loves you. Someone who loves you is not going to get this angry when you tell him you are hesitant about moving to a sexual relationship.

The more I think about this, the more I disagree with CoastalRat (and Jespah). Think about it from her partner's point of view. She is expecting him to not have sex with other people (I assume ).

Asking someone of college age to be abstinent for two years is an awful lot to ask.

If someone I was in a relationship said "if you love me then you will refrain from having sex with anyone for two years" I would feel manipulated.

A relationship works both ways, you can't have one partner making such an extraordinary sacrifice to prove his love. This is not realistic. If the relationship isn't meant to be, then so be it. But I understand this boyfriend's frustration and I don't think he is being unreasonable.

The fact is that long-term intimate adult relationships involve sex. Someone who doesn't accept this shouldn't be in an intimate relationship.

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@sanababe,

Hi sanababe.

How long has it been since you saw your boyfriend in person?

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Two years IS a long time. How intimate are they? Are they doing lots of other stuff, just not intercourse? She needs to explain just where they are in this "relationship." She said they have shared just ONE kiss!!

She needs to tell him that they have a LOT more getting to know each other time before she will jump in bed with him. They have not spent any real time together, from what she says.

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Unable to handle the pressure

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