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Mon 22 Apr, 2013 12:39 am
I've had advice from some friends, but none of them have much relationship advice so I want to make sure im going the right route here.
I like this girl, then her friends tell me to ask her out. By that point Ive asked her out a few times, but stlll without success. They tell me to keep trying. By the 5th-6th time still not much luck. We were supposed to go to lunch once, but she ended up not being able to. During all the times I asked her out she always told me exactly what she was doing and even said she would like to do some of the things.I eventually told her I liked her, but she said she thought I was a great guy and had always seen us as friends, and that she had never seen herself being in a relationship. She also told me I shouldnt have been nervous about it and she cried too. I should have played hard to get. I think I gave her too much attention. I took this as she could have been scared because she may have never been in a relationship before and that there may be a chance for me later on. About a month later I tried to continue to give her attention. Things were going better than ever at first, but then apparently I tried too hard and she started to ignore me. During this same week this other guy only has to act stupid and somehow gains her attraction. We end up talking about things and she says that she was never attracted to me (for whatever reason). She also said things were starting to change for her as far as dating goes, and that is why she was attracted to the other guy. Im just really stumped as to why she doesnt even want to give us a chance at dating. Dating doesnt mean you are committed to a relationship, and we have a good chance whether it works out or not. I think I should also mention she has never dated before. We have more any common than either of us will ever find in other people and Im not a bad looking guy. Im talented, and have shown this girl my talents. She needs money to accomplish her life dream of owning her own diner, and my degree will make a lot of money. Her friends want to see us together, and I am just as good if not better in all these categories than than the other guy was. I dont think I will have to worry about him though. I saw him with another girl recently. Its been about 3 weeks since our last talk until the other night. I just talked to her to see how she was doing and we talked about finals and stuff. We are both in college. I'm a 19 year old freshman, she a 21 year old Junior. In saying all this, I think she is going to be the most attractive girl I believe I will ever find for how nice she and how smart she is and how she is in every other aspect of her life. I feel like if she really knew how I felt, she would be willing to give this a chance, but something just isnt clicking for her for some reason. We were good friends at one time, and I know she misses that friendship. Its super hard for me to be around her right now, because I think I fell in love and I am heartbroken. If anything, one of my biggest flaws in all this was that I got super nervous around her all the time and was never really myself around her and other people were always talking to her. Thats why I wanted a date, so we could have time getting to know each other without other people around. She also knows ive never dated either. My plans right now are to not talk to her a whole lot in hopes that she realizes that she misses the way I used to treat her. I did stuff for her a lot and I know she noticed at least some of it. I also plan to start dating other girls to help myself get over it and also in hopes that she will become somewhat jealous and start to like me. I just dont want to do anything that is rude towards her. I was just wandering if those are the best things I can do right now, or if I should go another route like still hanging out as much as I did with her when we were good friends and still being nice but not trying to push it, or something to that effect. I still think we really would be perfect together, and I know I meet her dating standards, because me and her friends have talked a lot. They wanted to help me start a relationship with her. She just doesnt see how good I am and I dont know why. Im not just saying that I am a good guy because I am conceited either. Anyways, any advice is welcome. Thanks.
@nickthequick,
I read the first two lines, Nick. Sadly, it's time to see something else. She isn't interested for whatever reason, and she can only get annoyed by more persistance.
I wish I could be more encouraging, but that's my advice.
@roger,
welp, I guess it doesnt help if I try to explain my situation and then no one reads the whole thing. I didnt think my situation was that stereotypical. I do appreciate your response though. Thanks.
@nickthequick,
Having one very long paragraph makes it hard to read the whole thing. It would have been easier if you had broken it up a bit.
I did read a bit further than Roger, although the first few lines pretty much sum it up.
She has made it pretty clear that she isn't interested, it's time to move on.
Well, i read the entire sorry thing. I agree, it is clear from the first few sentences that she's not interested. Near the end you say you're a nice guy, and that it's not conceit for you to say so. Well, she might think it's conceit--i certainly do. Leaving aside the nebulous claim of being a nice guy (just what does that mean), she may find that boring, uninteresting. She may want a "bad boy," or at least someone a little more interesting, more intriguing, more mysterious.
Most of all, you look stubborn to me. "I want what i want when i want it." As has been said for centuries, there's plenty more fish in the sea. Move on.
@nickthequick,
nickthequick wrote:She needs money to accomplish her life dream of owning her own diner, and my degree will make a lot of money.
You've hit on something there...
Bide your time.
When you have enough to pay for a diner outright, give her just enough for a down-payment on a place she wants but has no chance in hell of ever affording on her own.
Get word to her through her friends that you're loaded and have no clue what to do with all the cheddar.
Find out whom she hated most in high school and spend as much on one dinner for that worthless whore as your beloved pays per month on the mortgage on her diner.
Friend her on Facebook and give her constant updates on your exciting life.
Visit the diner once in a while when it's dead, and ask her with a feigned look of genuine concern whether business is going okay.
Ideally, things will start going poorly at the diner.
Give her nothing.
Loan her whatever she needs to keep making mortgage payments.
At that point she'll care more about you than you ever thought possible.
@Kolyo,
I should have taken the time to work up a solid plan of action like that.
@nickthequick,
Alright, I get the picture. You guys can stop leaving replies if you would like.
Sorry - she is just not into you "that" way - i.e. romantically.
There is a HUGE gap between a 19 year old man and a 22 year old woman.
I think you are infatuated with the mature woman. She sees you as a young man. She cannot see you seriously.
There are probably tens of girls who are interested in you that are your age. LOOK AROUND. You are probably missing out on some real nice gals.
Realize you have a crush on an "older woman" and look for a younger version of her.
@nickthequick,
Unfortunately, it's time to move on. When I was oh...about 15-18 yr of age, I tried awfully hard like that, too. I think you've misinterpreted her. It's not that doesn't see the good in you. She's either
not ready for any romantic relationship or she's scared. Either way, find a different person and don't fixate on her.
Perhaps she senses your desperation and obsession over her?
I'm a bit older now. I've had (far too) much experience and I feel after 2 or 3 tries, it's time to try somewhere else. Someone else will appreciate you and your unique qualities.
The official number of attempts to date before it turns into creepy stalking = 3.
You have exceeded that number, and she is still not interested.
The hint has been dropped; you are just not taking it. Move on.
Oh, and BTW, the "perfect" girl is probably annoying to someone. What do they say? No matter how hot someone is, there is always someone who is sick of their ****. Pedestals are for statues. Toss this gal off yours (in your head; don't assault her, of course) and go on with your life.
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