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This is my English translation of a company's introduction,could you give me some suggetion??

 
 
Reply Sat 6 Apr, 2013 11:48 pm
   Zhe jiang Leipeide Technology Co. Ltd , a high-tech subsidiary enterprise of Zhe Jiang Waho holding group. Which is located in Qian Jiang economic development zone of Hang Zhou and focuses on the research, development and marketing of energy-saving environmental products.
   Lei peide company has first class international standard product line and laboratory, complete R&D production system and quality guarantee system. Lei peide provides customers with tailor-made solutions and professional technical services. Company adheres to advanced technical innovation and strict product quality management to create core competitiveness with a professional R&D team which has strong innovation ability in the field of Electro-optical technology.
  Our company has successfully developed various kinds of electronic ballast and LED driven power. Its design, which strictly sticks to the standards of EU ROHS and CN ISO14001 and has get the certifications of CE, TUV and UL. With its excellent energy-saving effort and stable performance, the product has widely used in the energy-saving field of road, train, bus, boat, business, agriculture.etc
  Lei peide has a professional quality management team, which adheres to advanced quality management concept and make strict control in every link to make sure its advanced position in product development and quality.
  Aiming to achieve integrity cooperation, strict product quality and continuous improving after-sales, Lei peide keeps on accumulating, improving in product quality, product service, talent and after-sales to serve clients and to become an international high-tech corporation.
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 707 • Replies: 10
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View best answer, chosen by Eliza6826
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Sun 7 Apr, 2013 10:08 am
@Eliza6826,
Liz that's an awful task tho I wish you the best of luck. I might be persuaded to undertake a single para so if it will do you any good, then which one
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Apr, 2013 12:06 pm
It doesn't look any worse than a lot of such material from China. The manual (a little folded paper sheet) of my recently bought digital luggage scales is considerably worse.
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Sun 7 Apr, 2013 12:17 pm
@contrex,
Con I incline to agreement. Historically though Chinese translations are cited as a bit awkward, sometimes downright funny. However this suggests only (a) that the Chinese are a very determined lot while (b) English is exceeding complex

Yes sometimes it's used adjectivally

I'd congratulate Liza for that very perseverance
Doubtful
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Apr, 2013 01:02 pm
@Eliza6826,
@Eliza6826

Are you a translator or trying to become one?

What are environmental products?
Eliza6826
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Apr, 2013 06:44 pm
@dalehileman,
thank you very much, actually i am really not confident with my last paragraph.
Eliza6826
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Apr, 2013 06:49 pm
@contrex,
yeath, I am a Chinese ,trying to translate our company's profile
0 Replies
 
Eliza6826
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Apr, 2013 06:51 pm
@dalehileman,
actually salary is my motivation
0 Replies
 
Eliza6826
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Apr, 2013 06:57 pm
@Doubtful,
I want to be a good tanslator, but theory I have learnt in books has great difference from yours' .
0 Replies
 
roger
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Mon 8 Apr, 2013 07:00 pm
@Eliza6826,
Eliza6826 wrote:

  Aiming to achieve integrity cooperation, strict product quality and continuous improving after-sales service, Lei peide keeps on accumulating, improving in product quality, product service, talent and after-sales service to serve clients and to become an international high-tech corporation.


I'm willing to work with one paragraph. I deleted a couple of words and added a couple of others. If Lei peide is the company name capitalize both words and make it Lei Peide. That's the convention in English.
0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Tue 9 Apr, 2013 11:57 am
@Eliza6826,
Quote:
not confident with my last paragraph.

Aiming to achieve integrity cooperation, …….. and to become an international high-tech corporation
Okay Liz but it took almost an hour and still not entirely satisfied that I conveyed your meaning:

Quote:
Aiming to achieve
(okay but "Aiming for" slightly more straightforward)
Quote:
integrity cooperation
(Liz, did you mean "corporate integrity"),
Quote:
strict product quality and continuous
("-ly" though I'd have omitted the word entirely as redundant)
Quote:
improving after-sales
(okay but not entirely clear, I would have said "after-sales service and support," or just "service and support")
Quote:
Lei peide keeps on accumulating
(I might've said "continues accumulating"; but accumulating what exactly),
Quote:
improving in product quality, product service, talent and after-sales to serve clients
(seems entirely redundant)
Quote:
and to become an international high-tech corporation
(somehow a let-down)


Aiming for corporate integrity, strict product quality, and improving service and support, Lei peidi continues accumulating laurels hopefully leading to its reputation as The International High-Tech Corporation


But Liz, stick with it; your task is immensely difficult; don't be discouraged by critics like me

It was a challenging and interesting exercise for an erstwhile writer
0 Replies
 
 

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