Why Ms Rice won't testify under oath ?

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Condoleeza Rice's mission was simple: Refute former White House terrorism advisor Richard Clarke's damning testimony that George W. Bush didn't pay attention to terrorists threats facing the nation before 9/11.

But the national security advisor's interview with 60 Minutes' Ed Bradley raised more questions -- and eyebrows -- yesterday, thanks to her lack of coherency, schizophrenia and obsession with the "precious."

"Richard Clarke has worked for four presidents, has advised them of national security issues throughout his public service. Apparently, his work was such that both Republican and Democratic administrations kept Mr. Clarke on board -- so why should we believe you and the Bush Administration when you say he's misrepresenting the facts?" Bradley asked.

"Because we hates it, precious... yes... We hates the stupid fat bald Dick Clarke with the fatty pale foreheadses, yes," Rice growled, glaring at Bradley from beneath her heavily hooded eyes.

"Why?" Bradley asked.

"It steals our nation's security, it does, the filthy, nasty Dick Clarke does, yes," Rice answered. "Our nation's security is mine! MINE! Curse the dirty Dick Clarke, it steals our precious!"

Bradley asked about Clarke's assertion that, when he first brought up the topic of Al Qaeda to the newly installed Rice in 2001, she didn't seem to know who they were.

"Dick Clarke was our friend -- it tells Condi who Al Qaeda is when Condi doesn't know who Al Qaeda is!" Rice cooed brightly in response.

"Dick Clarke was riddling us. It sez, 'Who is Al Qaeda?' and we screams, 'It isn't a fair question! It must give us three guesseses -- three, precious, yes.' and Dick Clarke says okay, three guesses, but we didn't guesses right, did we, precious? No, we did not guesses right. But Dick Clarke, it tells us anyways! Dirty, filthy Dick Clarke was good to poor, poor Condi."

"But then Dick Clarke steals our precious..." Rice added darkly.

"You're here tonight to answer Clarke's statements that you and the rest of the Bush Administration were unprepared for the September 11 attacks," Bradley said. "Now that you have, what will you do next?"

"Fish, nice fish," Rice said. "Makes us strong. Makes eyes bright, fingers tight, yes. Throttle it, precious. Throttle Dick Clarke, yes, throttle nasty Dick Clarke if we gets the chance. We hates it."

As the interview wrapped up, Bradley asked Rice to describe her relationship with Bush, which lead to a bewildering response.

"Nice master good to poor Condi! Master my friend! Stupid! Condi don't have any friendses! That's not true! Master is kind to poor Condi, gives us fishes, master does! Condi stupid if Condi thinks Condi has friendses! I'm not listening! I'm not listening! Master wicked, tricksy, false! Oooohhhh, nobody likeses us, nobody likeses poor, wretched Condi."