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Dating Schizophrenia: Am I imagining his disdain for me?

 
 
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 12:49 am
I could be imagining things, or I could be totally spot on but I need your opinion. I met this guy two months ago at a party and we've been talking ever since then but I need to know if he's into me or if I shouldn't waste my time. Read the following please.

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND AS YOU READ THIS: I've been talking to this person for 2 months ON A DAILY BASIS and we've kissed twice....

Exibit:
a.) He takes a while to respond to my texts, on average 20 minutes to reply (which is a long time for me because usually I reply right away)
b.) He's only taken me on one real official date, and hasn't really asked me on another one (he's suggested we 'hang out' though)
c.) He added me on facebook... but didn't follow me on twitter or instagram. Which I find strange because I think he knows I have all of those
d.) He always texts me and never calls, I would prefer phone coversations
e.) He doesn't compliment me ever... not to sound like a total ***** but don't guys usually tell a girl if they find them attractive? He said it the first time we met and hasn't said it again
f.) He hasn't brought up actually 'dating' each other EVER

The two most important things that bother me is that he takes so long to reply to texts because if you like someone why would you leisurely reply like that? I usually take a long time to text back people that I care nothing about...
Second thing would be that we've only been on one date? I mean I'm sure if I suggested going somewhere he would be open to it, but once again I feel like he doesn't care because he never asks me if I want to go to do something with him, although he's mentioned that he wants me to come over and hang out/watch movies etc.
Also why hasn't he started following me on twitter?! He tweets like a billion times a day and is on it on the time... and he knows I have a twitter (i think so?)!! And I'm not going to follow him first because sometimes he tweets about me and I don't think he knows I've seen them even though his tweets aren't private or anything

So guys am I total psychotic ***** who will be forever alone? Or is this guy really just not that into me? If you were a guy (or are one) who liked a girl would you act this way or differently?
 
33export
 
  4  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 03:05 am

http://chocolatecoveredliesdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/lucy-peanuts-the-doctor-is-in.jpg?w=645

I'm in conference now -please take a number and have a seat.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 07:46 am
@roxsmysox,
20 whole minutes? Good lord, is that the standard now? You got wayyyy too much time on your hands if you're actually counting that.

Chillax.

a) Have you not had occasions where the dreaded 20 minute mark passed between texts? People get caught in traffic, need to charge their phones, have homework, are in the midst of other conversations or whatever all the time and it does not mean squat. Get over this rather arbitrary and draconian time limit. Oh, and BTW, it keeps you hanging on and keeps you interested when he does this. Why the hell would he ever want to stop?

b) As for him not suggesting anything beyond hanging out, there are plenty of people who do not have a lot of money but also do not have a lot of imagination when it comes to dating ideas. And here's a radical idea - in one of your many texts, how about suggesting an outing? The earth will not crumble if you take the initiative here.

c) Not everyone consumes social media the exact same way. Maybe he doesn't have instagram; maybe he keeps them separate. Maybe he's not interested in your amazing tweets and images. Maybe he wants his tweets to remain separate or macho or look like he's not dating anyone or whatever. That's a lot of drama over 140 characters.

d) Same thing as (b) with the phone calls. No wonder you're obsessed with the texts and their timings. So pick up the telephone and call. And leave a message if he does not answer (hey, he could be in the middle of driving somewhere, etc.) and relax if you are not called back within that all-important 20 minute window.

e) Compliments? Christ on a cracker, do you compliment him at all? Or do you find it lame, strange and forced? Then how might he feel? Do not expect compliments any more than you should expect Champagne. Consider them to be special treats and not your automatic due just because you're dating.

f) See (b) and (d) above. Instead of waiting around, with some timer that goes off when the 20 minutes are up, suggest dates and the like if this guy really interests you.

Oh and (g) get a hobby. Srsly. You are beyond obsessed and need to step back and think about something else. I suggest something where you do something for the less fortunate. Reading to a blind person or volunteering at a center for the disabled or serving at a soup kitchen will show you just where the 20 minute time limit exists in the grand scheme of things.
Ice Demon
 
  2  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 07:48 am
@jespah,
Classic sign of overly attached girl friend. Rolling Eyes
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 07:56 am
@Ice Demon,
Ayup.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 07:58 am
Yeah, I don't think he's all that into you so move on.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 09:01 am
Why do you use words like 'schizophrenia' and "disdain" to describe him?

I see "immature' and 'impatient' to describe you.


0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 09:27 am
@roxsmysox,
First and foremost, look up disdain in the dictionary. If he truly disdained you he would never contact you again and never consider a friendship with you. Disdain is one of the highest forms of hate as I interpret the word. He doesn't seem to hate you but it does seem he's not attracted to you the way you are to him.

roxsmysox wrote:

Exibit:
a.) He takes a while to respond to my texts, on average 20 minutes to reply (which is a long time for me because usually I reply right away)

This isn't a valid point unless you know he texts other people with a quicker response time. Maybe texting isn't his favorite method of communication.

Quote:
b.) He's only taken me on one real official date, and hasn't really asked me on another one (he's suggested we 'hang out' though)

This is pretty much all the proof that is needed to indicate he's not romantically inclined towards you.

Quote:
c.) He added me on facebook... but didn't follow me on twitter or instagram. Which I find strange because I think he knows I have all of those

NEVER NEVER NEVER assume that people know every little important detail about your life. One more time! Never assume he knows how important this is to you.

Quote:
d.) He always texts me and never calls, I would prefer phone conversations

e.) He doesn't compliment me ever... not to sound like a total ***** but don't guys usually tell a girl if they find them attractive? He said it the first time we met and hasn't said it again

Sorry but this is further proof that he's holding you in a not so close friendship zone.

Quote:
f.) He hasn't brought up actually 'dating' each other EVER

You need to be more proactive in this department if you are so sure this relationship needs to evolve into something stronger then casual friendships.


Quote:
I usually take a long time to text back people that I care nothing about...

You just might have answered your own thread here. So terribly sorry to point that out.

Quote:
although he's mentioned that he wants me to come over and hang out/watch movies etc.

Further proof he doesn't hate you but considers you a casual friend.

Quote:
Also why hasn't he started following me on twitter?! He tweets like a billion times a day and is on it on the time... and he knows I have a twitter (i think so?)!!

Never assume anything.

Quote:
And I'm not going to follow him first because sometimes he tweets about me and I don't think he knows I've seen them even though his tweets aren't private or anything

Sigh... the hypocrisy in this statement kind of stings.

Quote:
So guys am I total psychotic ***** who will be forever alone?

Psychotic? Unlikely. A tad too melodramatic and needing to step back for a proper bit of perspective ... most definitely.

Quote:
Or is this guy really just not that into me?

The most likeliest of answers is that he's isn't that INTO you in the way that you are into him. Who knows ... maybe if you give him his space then perhaps he'll learn to appreciate and become fonder towards you. (On a personal level that irony of that statement in my own life is a bit painful. I too need to learn from that bit of advice myself Sad )
roxsmysox
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 11:15 am
okay thank you to all who replied. I need to learn how to relax a little, I realize that... We aren't dating and he doesn't know I think this way, I just needed someone to tell me that I need to calm down and stop overthinking things. I think from now on I'll just be more nonchalant towards him and if he decides he wants to step it up a notch he can do so.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 01:55 pm
@tsarstepan,
Quote:
(On a personal level that irony of that statement in my own life is a bit painful. I too need to learn from that bit of advice myself )


Tsarstepan, I would just like to acknowledge you for that introspective moment. I am sure it was not an easy look in the mirror!

Good luck.
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 02:46 pm
@Frank Apisa,
Frank Apisa wrote:
I am sure it was not an easy look in the mirror!


I think most of us have been there.
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 02:57 pm
@contrex,
Quote:
Quote:
Re: Frank Apisa (Post 5286214)
Frank Apisa wrote:
I am sure it was not an easy look in the mirror!


I think most of us have been there.


I plead guilty...by reasons of insanity. Hurts like hell...and "just giving space" is so much easier to say and advise than to actually do!!! Wink
0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Mar, 2013 03:43 pm
It is not a crime, nor is it crazy, to want someone a lot. It can take up all your thoughts. How awful if nobody ever felt like that.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2013 04:33 pm
How awful when they DO feel that way - and it ends.

Gals call it the "Breakup 15" - either gain or lose 15 pounds after a breakup.
0 Replies
 
amy37
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Apr, 2013 12:29 pm
@roxsmysox,
When it comes to a) Are you texting him at work? because his boss could be there or he could be working or driving so he can only respond when it's convient.

But I would just ask him directly just to clear the air, " do you like me?" Because it does sound like he may not, and you could be wasting your time with him. So if he does great, if he doesn't lets not waste your precious time on him. Good luck.
0 Replies
 
 

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