Was I raped?

Well he is insane not to have stopped at once when you said no still was you in fear of him and could you not had gotten up from that couch and walk out the door if you had decided to in your opinion?

In any case judging from just your few words he did go over the line legally at least as no mean no.

Morally if kind of depend on if in not stopping petting when you told him to that he put you in fear of harm if you had try to had gotten up from that couch and walk to the door or not.

Some people feel that any pressure placed by a man on a woman to have sex is rape up to the man whining over the matter but this case seems somewhat borderline depending if you could have gotten up and walk away without fear if you had decided to do so.

Was you in control in spite of the pressure of him not stopping petting when you stated no or not?

Check your state's specific laws. I'd say, yes.
You might wanna see a lawyer with regards to your legal rights, and a counselor if you're emotional distraught.

The problem is that there are likely not enough jail cells in the world to be able to lock up every male who during a make out session did not at once stopped some petting actions at the words of his partner.

So to me the moral question revolved around was she able to get up from that couch or not and walk out the door if she had decided to.

Legally and morally are two difference questions here as once more I would like to hear from the young lady if she was in fear at the time of harm and or being stopped by force if she had decided to walk away from the young man and the make out session.

Does NO mean YES to you? It apparently does to him.

After he continued to do things (petting) that you did not want to, you stayed. You should have gotten up at that point and left. He was NOT listening to you or didn't take you seriously.

I think you were not listened to and were taken advantage of. And he is a jerk. He could claim it was consensual. Because that's what jerks do.

Do you plan on seeing him again?

I agree with you that he could be consider a jerk and also a fool however not a rapist if she could have gotten up and leave and he did nothing that would placed her in fear of doing so.

Fear of making a scene or hurting his feelings or blowing any future relationship with him is not enough to turn him into a rapist and her into a rape victim in my opinion.

Once more I would like to hear from her if she was or was not in fear to get up and leave.

That's why I asked if she was going to see him again.

Perhaps he moved a little too quickly for her at this time. And she regrets it or is angry at him and herself for having sex without all the foreplay. Who knows?

She would not be the first one to be "rushed" into having sex when she didn't want to. He was a jerk for not taking time with her.

I guess I consider rape as there having been more force.

Regretful sex is not rape, IMHO. But it still has made her feel bad.

There is an ongoing drive to allow women who regret having sex to label their partners rapists.

That one hell of a label to placed against anyone even a clear jerk who actions would hardly be consider gentlemanly.

Agreed. Methinks this is more Buyer's Remorse than anything else.

To the OP, and anyone else out there wondering about such things - if you're in such a bind, get up and go home if things are going too far, too fast.

Will you stop having a boyfriend then? Possibly. But do you really want to be with someone who doesn't respect your wishes, or who you are so beholden to that you'll do whatever in order to hang onto him, even if you don't want to?

I swear, sometimes, it's like 1957 in here. I wish I knew what happened to women who stood up for themselves, and demanded to not be treated like crap.

Agreed.

I think he was persistent but didn't force her. There was no mention of force or threats. He was just taking advantage of her and if she really didn't want sex, she should have gotten up and went home. Simple as that.

In the OP's defense, every person acts differently under the duress of shock, and some even being passive, as was the OP's case. A no should just mean just that, a N.O., and he should have stopped any form of advancement on her. At minimal, his actions would fall legitimately under sexual assault in some states.

RE: Jespah's comment: I think what is happening is that we have about 2 generations of young women who are unprepared to function in this over-sexed world, still dominated by men. They think that "power" means power over men. All the while, they still fail to empower themselves.

Why didn't she get up and leave? Perhaps she was afraid of asserting herself, thus confronting his power - resulting in him getting violent.

Perhaps she was a Deliah - seducing to get power over him, but it backfirred and he moved too fast. She didn't have time to work him over to get the "prize."

She also said it felt 'so good ' and perhaps she gave mixed messages. He heard a No-but-really-Yes message and kept pressing it until he got what he wanted.

I hope she learns from this. If she likes this guy and will see him again, she's going to have to discuss this with him i.e. ""We moved way too fast last night and I'd like to slow it down . . ." OR - he was just in it for the sex and this might be a one night stand for him. He will be off for the next "conquest."

I think it is mixed messages (on everyone's part) and I see your point, too, Ice.

At some point, though, I gotta figure she stood up to go to the bathroom or whatever. This can turn into putting on shoes and leaving. She wasn't in a car on a deserted road, where they'd run out of gas. Plus most young women carry a cel phone with them. She didn't have to call the cops, but she could've called a cab (and I say this remembering being a young girl who didn't want to upset the apple cart - but if you don't want to do something, hasn't the message gotten out by now that submission isn't the only option?

Where had these submission women been hiding all my long life?