jesscamp26
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Mar, 2013 01:32 pm
@BillRM,
Ok thanks for your advice
0 Replies
 
debrafrancis
 
  0  
Reply Wed 20 Mar, 2013 10:02 am
@jesscamp26,
I had one that tried that [email protected] I was infuriated instantly and I swung back with all I had. He looked surprised and I told him he wouldnt live through hitting me twice. He never hit me again, but then the fact that he ended up with someone else helped.
0 Replies
 
Terrible Tadpole
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2013 07:13 am
@jesscamp26,
@jesscamp26,
I'm sorry. She will never change. The violence will only escalate.

Worse, as she grows to know you she will learn more and more how to manipulate your emotions. Saving yourself from this relationship will get harder, not easier.

1) She will undermine your self-esteem and your will-power.
2) She will make you feel that it's your fault.
3) The people who love you and would help and support you will gradually distance themselves from you because they can't bear to see what's happening to you.
4) People will not understand why you stay - you can see it in some of the answers here already. So it will get harder and harder to ask for help.

Save yourself now, while you can, and while you still have most of yourself to move on with. Stay and you will gradually be drained away until you are only a shell of who you are now. You will feel like you deserve no better. You will be afraid to ever try another relationship. Your big heart will be empty and desolate.

She doesn't love you. She needs you for what you let her be. She will never love you, no matter how big your heart or how much love you have for her.

Get away. Spend some time alone to heal and connect once again with who you are.

Take that big heart and heal it. Then find somebody to love who will surrender themselves to you in the same way you will surrender to them.

I'm so terribly sorry this has happened to you. You don't deserve it. It's not your fault. It's unjust that you now have to deal with it. But that's what you have to do. Nobody else can do it for you.

Get away. Walk on beaches. Watch the sun set. Sit in the park. Watch movies. Cry a lot. Do whatever it takes, but you have to do this one brave thing first...

Get away.
Terrible Tadpole
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2013 07:27 am
@BillRM,
You're being harsh Bill... This isn't a stranger being abusive. That would be easy; you call the police, fight back, leave. This is somebody she cares about, whose opinions she values, whose approval she wants. She has no emotional or psychological defense against this woman. When somebody like that tells you it's your fault it's hard to resist. When the person you love says you're worthless it's hard to preserve your self-esteem. When your partner is upset with you, you take a good hard look at yourself and wonder if you need to change or do more.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2013 07:50 am
@Terrible Tadpole,
Nonsense both men and women in gay or straight relationships need to act as adults and I would not dream of being in such a relationship no matter how must I love someone.

Nor would my wife put up with me treating her in such a manner more then once.

It take two people to be in a long term abused relationship and whining about it while "enjoying" the emotional roller coaster that such relationships produce is kind of sickening to me.
0 Replies
 
debrafrancis
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2013 10:18 am
@Terrible Tadpole,
Absolutely!
0 Replies
 
amy37
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2013 01:48 pm
@jesscamp26,
leave her jesscamp. You need to find the strength to leave her. Every moment your with her, is a moment you're not with the right one.
0 Replies
 
anujmath121
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2013 07:05 am
Ok you had picked an abused and cheating mate so what do you wish from us?
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2013 09:00 am
@anujmath121,
Quote:
Ok you had picked an abused and cheating mate so what do you wish from us?


My bet is that a normal low drama mate would bored her to death as some people get hooked on the roll coaster ups and downs relationships otherwise at the very first drop of the coaster tracks she would had gotten off.
vikorr
 
  3  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 04:58 pm
@BillRM,
Looks like she's left, but in case she hasn't - google 'Cycle of Domestic Violence'.

Among many faults, your partner is Domestically Violent.

And you have behaved like a doormat.

You can change that, but you need to realise the only way forward is to start respecting yourself...for if you don't respect yourself, she won't see any reason to.

It will also help if you start seeing the difference between actions done out of anger, and actions done to intimidate (which usually is done while angry, but for the reason of intimidation)

And mostly...go to a class and learn some conflict management skills, and skills to avoid manipulation (which is usually tied closely to conflict in domestically violent situations)
0 Replies
 
 

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