Sat 9 Mar, 2013 10:52 am
This was sent to me by a friend. Supposedly (I think it is fiction, but it is funny) it is an actual winning entry to a newspaper contest in Indiana regarding really bad days at the office. The letter was written by a diver to his sister...who entered it in the contest.
Hope you enjoy it.
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000.00 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until, all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn'tpoop for two days because my ass was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.
Oh Frank, you made my day!
I can identify with the guy!!!
True or not, it really doesn't get better than that one.
Hi Frank! You also made my day--the truth of the story makes no difference to the humor. Uproariously funny.
Of course the truth doesn't matter, and it's just as well it doesn't. Brass helmets don't work with wetsuits.
I caught that myself, Roger.
Hey, Di....GREAT to hear from you.
NEVER let the truth get in the way of a good story.