Why would a parent try to hurt their child's feelings?

Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 06:16 pm
I'm 13. I live with my Dad half the week and my Mom half the week usually,but ever since Christmas I have bee mostly with my Dad,because my Mom is working lots of overtime and I go to school closer to my Dad anyway. Normally at home with my Mom I don't have to do any housework,because my older sister and brother(her kids) do it all.I'm the youngest. But at my Dad's, he's always telling me to take out the trash, wash my laundry,and pick up my bedroom. I usually say,"Okay, Dad. I'll do it." Then I don't do it right away and when he asks again I tell him that I will do it later and just keep saying that until he's pissed and does it himself,while lecturing me about being lazy and brushing him off when he's serious. I let his words go in one ear and out the other.
Last Wednesday he told me to tidy up my bedroom when I got home from school that afternoon. I said that I would,but when I got home I did my homework,took a nap,and played Sims 3 instead. When he got home and saw I hadn't cleaned up, he got mad and told me to do it NOW. I said I would get around to it and went back to playing Sims 3. Next thing I know he took away my computer game! I asked why and he just said "get to work". I refused unless he gave the game back,but he just stomped out of my bedroom and slammed the door. He left for work before I left for school the next morning,but he left a note on my desk saying that he was giving me one last chance to clean my bedroom when I got home from school. I brushed it off and watched tv when I got home from school instead. When Dad got home he was HOT. He started yelling and saying he was sick of giving me chance after chance. He said I must want to get smacked and he was happy to oblige me.
I figured out where he was going with his lecture and put on my puppy dog eyes. I said that he did NOT have to smack me and that I would clean up Friday afternoon. At 1st he said I was all out of chances,then he gave in and told me that I HAD to have the room clean by the time he got home Friday afternoon or else.
On Friday afternoon I got in from school and intended to clean my room but I fell asleep instead and didn't wake up. until Dad barged into my bedroom and found it still dirty.Thank God he didn't know that I had taken my game back!. I tried to explain,but he said that he was done talking! He started to take off his belt, but I buried myself under my bed covers. He said that he wasn't going to fight me and to quit acting like a baby,but I refused to come out until he left.
He has refused to say 1 word to me ever since and it's been 5 days! He just looks at my with uncaring eyes whenever our paths cross. I tried to force him to talk to me once on Sunday, but he just pointed a finger at the door that meant I should go away.
This is crazy. I'm his only daughter! Is he trying to make me cry or something?!
View best answer, chosen by Linna Kulka
  Selected Answer
Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 06:22 pm
@Linna Kulka,
Clean your room and he'll be nice again.

It's called a chore. You do it, and don't act like a spoiled brat and refuse to do it or lounge around, playing games, putting on pleading eyes in order to weasel your way out of it and essentially telling your father to go scratch.

In life, you will need to do lots and lots of things that you don't love doing. Understanding delayed gratification, and doing what needs to be done in order to get to the better parts of your life, are a part of growing up.
Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 06:48 pm
I remember very much exploding at my niece once when she was visiting me. We always got along, even when she was small and I was tall, and later when she was strong and I was weak-ish - pretty straightforward.

She visited me many times, involving airplane rides and days of walking and talking, but one time I gave her an outfit I was too chubby for, a Missoni set that I paid six dollars for at the Salvation Army store, but that I secretly wished would fit me, me, me, so slinky, so wonderful. Of course she looked fantastic in it.

Next day I saw it on the floor. Missoni!!!!!!!!! We worked it out, she kept it, but probably not for long.

As became apparent, as I learned how she dealt with living with her mother (mother not there, both very ill and drug addicted, she was shunted to mother's friends places, general chaos). The floor was where she put stuff, and I would have too.

Her father, my bro in law, a good man that I'd have to kill and he, me, is rather monk like.
Rigid, rigid.

Summary, don't shine your father on, he sounds like a good reasonable man.
Clean your room.
0 Replies
Reply Wed 6 Mar, 2013 08:39 am
Consider two choices:
1. Be in complete control of this. Don't like the drama and want to play games and have a good relationship with Dad? CLEAN YOUR ROOM. That is not so much to ask. Spend 10 minutes to save hours of bad feelings.


2. Encourage your dad to close the door and not pay attention to your room. You choose to live like a lazy pig and he should not have to look at it.

I got tired of seeing my girls' room in such a mess. I kept the door closed. (The only rule was no rotting food in the room) I can proudly say that they are both adequate housekeepers and we survived all the drama. The military cured my nephew, who used to hid food , among other things, under his bed. He keeps things neat now at age 24.
0 Replies
Reply Wed 6 Mar, 2013 09:58 am
God, if you were my kid, I'd be pissed, too. You show no respect for your father whatsoever. He has given you many chances, but you're so lazy and disrespectful to him. You're a spoiled brat and I would not only take your Sims game away, I'd remove everything from your room except your bed. You don't deserve to have nice clothes and games if you can't even keep your room clean without being nagged at your age.
0 Replies
Reply Wed 6 Mar, 2013 10:54 am
He's trying to treat you like a responsible young adult and you respond by acting like a baby so he has no other option than to treat you like a baby.

If you don't want to be treated like a baby don't act like one.
0 Replies
Linna Kulka
Reply Wed 6 Mar, 2013 12:39 pm
I cleaned up my bedroom last night before I went to bed and this morning before school I got my usual kiss on the forehead and a "Have a good day!". Thanks a lot!
Reply Wed 6 Mar, 2013 05:13 pm
@Linna Kulka,
And there ya go. Not so hard to fulfill a reasonable request, eh?
0 Replies

Related Topics

  1. Forums
  2. » Why would a parent try to hurt their child's feelings?
Copyright © 2019 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 10/13/2019 at 05:01:30